possibly strange question

QuiltingBee

When you use a back carry, do you feel that you're still as engaged with your little one?  Or, does the fact that you aren't face-to-face make you feel like you're less "with" them? 

I didn't carry my baby around the house much during the early period just because I never felt like he was all that comfy (and he was eating so often and for so long, and then spitting up that I felt like I was always taking him in and out constantly).  I just held him all the time and didn't get anything done! 

I still used the carrier for walks when it wasn't too hot (he also overheated easily), and we use the carrier for outings/walks now.

 Now that he's older, I think he might like the back carry and I could tote him around the house, but I don't want to feel like we're not interacting. I need to get stuff done around the house (I work 4.5 days a week,so when I'm home there is a lot I need to do), but not at the expense of being with Baby. 

Sorry for the long post.  I guess the first part was my actual question! 

tokenhoser

Honestly, I do use the back carry so that he's with me but I don't have to be as with him. He gets to be where I am and move around and watch me do things. I get to get things done without him crying or seeking my attention. It's win/win.

It's not the same as sitting down on the floor and playing with him. That's important, too, but my attention span runs out after about 10 or 15 minutes of wrestling. I think The Womanly Art describes just going about what you have to do with the baby in a carrier as "benign neglect" and says it's good for the baby - it's stimulating to see chores happen, it's comforting to be with mom.

QuiltingBee

That makes sense.  Admittedly I have a lot of first-time-mom (or whatever you want to call it) guilt. I'm constantly thinking I'm not doing enough or being a good enough mommy.  But I don't want to get in the way of him exploring/observing, etc or become a helicopter mom, either. 

 Thanks!  Maybe my house won't look like a disaster zone and I can keep Baby happy at the same time! 

 Do you cook with your LO on your back?  DH was burned as toddler and is very nervous about me even having Baby in the kitchen, despite being uber-careful.  Right now I let him play on the floor with nesting cups, pots/pans, etc.  I feel like cooking w/ him on my back might be too risky, but I was wondering what other people do.

TiffanyBerry

yes, I do feel a bit less with her.  but, really, that's kind of the point.  if I'm going to be really present with her, then she's not likely to be in a carrier - we'll be playing or whatnot together.  there are plenty of times, as an adult, I like being with another person in a room, but not interacting with them, and I think our kids are no different.

tokenhoser

I have cooked with him on my back, but now that he's bigger I usually just put him in the high chair and let him play and watch me. We don't have our kitchen baby-proofed at all (stairs, cat food, etc.) so he can't just play on the floor.

I think a baby gets benefits just from being in close contact with his mom - whether in a back carry or cosleeping - even if there isn't much attention attached to it. There's a different benefit to directly interacting (playing, talking, reading), but I don't think it's necessary to try to do that all day. It's okay to get some housework done. It's okay to let the baby play in the laundry as you fold it, too, or whatever works to meet your needs and his needs at the same time.