When is it lying?

yankeebear

DD has always been great at making up stories.  They are frequently amusing and never really about anything of concern.  She once told us that in preschool (age 3) they took her class to get their shoes shined.  She was so convincing we believed her.  When we asked the teachers about it they looked at us like we were nuts.

Now she is about to turn 5.  She does things like tell me she is going to spell a word without looking and pretends not to look when she really is looking.  She also tells me stuff that happens at school and then tells me not to ask the teacher about it.  I am always firm that I will talk to the teacher about anything that concerns me.

I just don't know if this is a problem or not.  I want her to know that she can always be truthful with me.  Do I need to start calling it lying and setting up consequences?  Or chalk it up to a healthy imagination?  

livinitup

Way too early for consequences in my opinion. Your taking about a 4-5 year old. Imagination and play is the way they learn about the world and sort it all out. It seems unreasonable to shut down her wild stories and vivid imagination in lieu of a very adult concept of "truth telling" that is way beyond her scope of understanding.  

KatFCo

I think this is around the time when they start being able to learn the difference between a story and lying. We've been working with DD (will be 5 in June) on not lying when we ask her if she's done certain things. When she tells us things that happened at school, we ask "did that really happen or is it a made-up story?" Now DD knows, for example, if she told me she put her PJs on and I get upstairs and she hasn't that's lying and she'll get in trouble. (When I ask her, I do make sure I remind her she needs to tell the truth if I think she's not being truthful)

While these stories can be evidence of a healthy imagination, they can also be kids trying to get out of doing something unpleasant or trying to get around the rules and I think this is the best age to start teaching them.

Brewtowngrl

DS lies to get out of trouble now.  That was when I knew he was learning the difference.  He gets in trouble for that.  If it is a story in his head then we let it pass.