Do you think large gifts for teachers = inappropriate?

AggieCouple

Does it somehow seem inappropriate if one set of parents gave a teacher a rather large gift, say a Coach bag or a $200 g/c?

 Teachers, please weigh in. 

juniper19

Yes. Don't most districts have rules about that stuff?

AggieCouple

juniper19:

Yes. Don't most districts have rules about that stuff?

I thought so, too.  Not sure how they're getting away with it.

penguingrrl

Yes. A token of appreciation is absolutely wonderful, but a large gift is not acceptable. The town I grew up in banned gifts over $5 in  the 80s after a parent gave a teacher a mink coat then got angry when their child got Bs...

Ms5586

Yes, inappropriate.  When I was teaching, I would've been very surprised at that grand of a gesture.  Sounds like "buying" the teacher.

The gift card, however, I'm slightly unsure of - because the parent's intentions could've been that it be used for classroom materials and enrichment opportunities for the students.

DevonPow

Yes, but our district doesn't allow individual gifts at all. Only homemade gifts (cards/baked goods) and room gifts that the room parents help put together (usually a gift card, etc) for this very reason.

JCS2007

Yes, that is innapropriate.  Our county's policy specifies that employees cannot accept any individual gift of over $25 or a series of gifts within a year that $100 from an individual.

Angela814

From an individual, yes. At Christmas DD's whole kindergarten class pitched in to buy her teach a Nook, gift cards to B&N, and some other items, but that was a class gift. I suppose one parent could have contributed $200 if they wanted, but the whole gift would have still been from the class.

J&A2008

Personally, I wouldn't do it until the end of the year when they've earned it, but I don't see anything wrong with it at all.

MrsStubbs

I want to know how someone would know what another parent gave a teacher? Unless of course the teacher said something. I would never tell someone else what I gave a teacher and certainly not the amount on a gc. 

And yes, I do think that is too much for a teacher gift.  

meglew

Angela814:

From an individual, yes. At Christmas DD's whole kindergarten class pitched in to buy her teach a Nook, gift cards to B&N, and some other items, but that was a class gift. I suppose one parent could have contributed $200 if they wanted, but the whole gift would have still been from the class.

This is what I was going to say as well.  A larger gift from the class as a whole, I am fine with.  From a individual student and parent set, not okay.

AggieCouple

MrsStubbs:

I want to know how someone would know what another parent gave a teacher? Unless of course the teacher said something. I would never tell someone else what I gave a teacher and certainly not the amount on a gc. 

And yes, I do think that is too much for a teacher gift.  

The parents told us.  The mom says she just really likes to "show her appreciation."  I think I'd feel uncomfortable accepting such large gifts from a student.

MrsStubbs

AggieCouple:

MrsStubbs:

I want to know how someone would know what another parent gave a teacher? Unless of course the teacher said something. I would never tell someone else what I gave a teacher and certainly not the amount on a gc. 

And yes, I do think that is too much for a teacher gift.  

The parents told us.  The mom says she just really likes to "show her appreciation."  I think I'd feel uncomfortable accepting such large gifts from a student.

I think she is a jacka**. No, she just really likes people to think she has $$$. If she appreciates the teacher she would just give the gift (regardless of the size), say thank you and that would be the end of that.   

 

AnnapolisLari

Very inappropriate.

mollynpatrick

Meh. I was a teacher and received some very nice gifts - end of the year, Christmas, when I got married, when I had kids .... My district did not have any rules regarding teacher gifts although my principal would put a note in the newsletter around Christmas and at the end of the year with suggested classroom gifts - tissues, crayons, etc. Nice gifts never made me feel uncomfortable and the givers never made me feel like they wanted something in return  - maybe that's why. They simply wanted to show their appreciation for everything I was doing for their child. And I appreciated their recognition! I think it's lame to brag to other parents about what you are giving/gave but I have no problem with giving (or receiving obviously) nice gifts.

juniper19

J&A2008:

Personally, I wouldn't do it until the end of the year when they've earned it, but I don't see anything wrong with it at all.

Even at the end of the year it isn't right.  Class assignments for the following year may not have taken place and it isn't fair if the gifting parent makes a request about the nextyear's teacher. Also, something like that wouldn't stay a secret and it could affect the way thechild's future teachers interact with the child and the parents.  And there's an issue of younger siblings getting preferential treatment from that teacher. 

If you want to give a generous present, then start a collection for other parents to chip in, make up the difference if you have to, and give everyone an opportunity to sign a card. 

shouldbworkin

I would think it was in appropriate from one or two parents, but not from 1/2 or more of the class.  I think 10 parents gave $20 each for an end of the year gift for DS's teacher last year and I didn't think twice about it. 

KellyD01

Add me to the inappropriate category... but if it was a g/c in our case I guarnatee DH wouldn't remember who he'd gotten it from unless it said on the g/c how much it was. He puts all g/c's in his wallet as he opens the cards so he doesn't lose them and then never remembers where he got what from!

wildfloweragain

I don't really like that comment about waiting until the teacher has "earned it."  I'm busting my tail, more than a lot of the parents in my classroom for their own kids.  If I'll have "earned it" by the end of the year, then I have "earned it" now.

I'm not your pool boy and I'm working hard because I make a difference, not so you'll give me something in the end.

And no, I do not agree with gifts like that, just the comment really rubbed me the wrong way.

Our school has a policy of no gifts, or money over $75 and no cash at all.

A parent tried to give my $100 towards my wedding after I had her son for 2 years, so I asked the principal what to do.  That's how I know about the policy, but it's not usually done.  $5-20 towards wal mart, starbucks, our ice cream place is the norm here, if anything.

Mrs Manners

I really don't have any problem with it.  I assume that teachers aren't available to be "bought". Is that what people consider the issue? I think each family should be free to give whatever they feel is appropriate and they can afford.

Minipenguin

I've never liked Coach. It's weird that someone would spend that much money on a gift when they don't even know if the person would like/want it.

Yes, terribly inappropriate.

In my experience, the people who give the nicest gifts have the most horribly behaved children. I guess they feel like they need to compensate.

J&A2008

juniper19:

If you want to give a generous present, then start a collection for other parents to chip in, make up the difference if you have to, and give everyone an opportunity to sign a card. 

This seems like it would be totally awkward to initiate as a newcomer.  I've done it before as a room mom, and not every parent wants to be hunted down for money or feel like they're being hunted down. 

CTFandme

weird. I enjoy giving my kids teachers nice gifts, but NEVER has a coach purse crossed my mind.  To show my appreciation I will randomly bring in glue sticks or other supplies for the classroom, but never have I thought it would be a good idea to give a $200 gift to any of our teachers.  If I were a teacher I would feel weird accepting it, regardless of any district rules.  I don't care if the family could afford that kind gift or not, it's just weird.

Zenya

wildfloweragain:

I'm not your pool boy and I'm working hard because I make a difference, not so you'll give me something in the end.

And no, I do not agree with gifts like that, just the comment really rubbed me the wrong way.

right?!  I felt the same way. 

jennieliz

juniper19:

Yes. Don't most districts have rules about that stuff?

No.  When I taught it was up to the parents what they wanted to do.  I see no problem with this and think it is really kind of the classroom parents.  Why do people always complain when it comes to teachers and gifts.  If the classroom wants to give a nice gift so be it.  If they don't who cares.  If you work as a dentist and get a nice gift from a client for Christmas would that be a problem?  No.  So why is it debated when it comes to teachers.

jennieliz

And now that I've read all of the responses I'm baffled at what some people wrote.  Are you kidding me! 

You think that your gift would influence who goes where the next year and is in what class?  Generally teachers have no control over that so it's a non issue. 

Do you really think that a nicer gift would equate to better grades?  Then you've got a bigger problem on your hands and need to get a new teacher. 

Wait until they've earned it?  YOU teach.  YOU walk into a room with 25 1st graders and have them all reading on grade level by the end of year.  YOU figure out a way to deal with their different learning styles and behavior.  YOU take home stacks of essays from your 7th graders and spend HOURS in the evening grading them.  Teaching is NOT an 8-3 job.  Teachers work hard and to say they aren't "earning" it is a gross statement. 

august06mom

Our district says cash gifts aren't allowed. If you want to buy something for the classroom, all of the teachers keep wish lists.

I personally wouldn't give a teacher that large of a gift, but I don't care if others do.

J&A2008

Minipenguin:

In my experience, the people who give the nicest gifts have the most horribly behaved children. I guess they feel like they need to compensate.

Or they are the most ridiculous helicoptor mom and want a way to apologize and say thank you for dealing with me and all my emails.