update....

robbins25

the first time i was on this bord i had asked for opions/advice about my husbands oldest daughter and how to go about it..the last couple of weeks i have talked with him  about my concerns and he had the same as i did. well today was a big blow up...due to her mothers situation and what it led to for his daughter we allowed her to stay in the school district to not cause more stress for her(her situation was bad her mom isnt worth being called mom)  so we worked it out w my husbands parents for her to be there..6 weeks ago she was a good kid but i knew that could have been a cover up so i kept watch and as of 4 weeks ago she went down hill her relationship w her grandparents was becomeing stressfull and not to mention her 17year old bf was all she focused on..up to date to now,  we nipped it all is the butt. the bf is out of the pic his parents were talked to phone and computer were taken away, and now we are haveing to wait and deal with how she reacts to all this change. which at first was not pretty slamming doors yelling from her all while trying not to stress out his parents more...i showed and alked about my concers and feel  a lil bad about it but i dont regret it because she is 14 and she has younger sisters who are looking at her as if this is normal and its not...my husband is telling me his oldest gets like this for a few months because of her mother....im not sure when to step in and be a positavie mom figure for her bc her mom used her as a finaical gain in her personal life and now she is thinking noone wants her ..basicly this child has emotinal and mental issues bc of what her mom as put her thru. she is seeing a cousler ...so im still standing strong and praying this child will see that we are doing whats best and not aginst her

Phantomgirl

I'm just going to point out to you that your post is very hard to understand.  If you expect others to read your posts and respond you will have to put them into paragraphs and use spell check.  I'm not being snarky, I'm trying to help.  Otherwise you won't get replies as it is just confusing.

My two cent is.. seeing as her father left her behind when he moved I don't at all accept that her behaviour is a result of her mother only.  Your SD is behaving like she is because she is a product of her environment.  BOTH her parents are responsible for ensuring that her environment is safe, secure and promotes growth.

'IF' her mother is such a sh!tty parent then your DH should have been extra diligent with her.  He needs to pick up the slack for his bad judgement in having a child with a sh!tty person.

Moving and leaving her with his parents is NOT good parenting.  Who in their right mind laves a 14 years child behind???

I am glad to hear that she is in counselling and I hope for her sake that she has a good counsellor and that she has found a safe place to talk / vent her frustrations with the adults in her life.

If you want to be a good role model in her life then teach her how to be a kind, caring and loving person.  You can't do that from a distance.  You teach by example and that required you to open your home to her and treat her with the love and care she deserves.

Her actions say to me that she is crying out for attention and looking in all the wrong places.

Don't you ever wonder how your DH could walk away from parenting his child?  It has to cross your mind that is he can do that to one of his children he can do it to all his children. 

Hold your DH accountable and to higher standards it will ultimately benefit you and your children in the future.  Right now it will benefit his teenage daughter.

 

Rhenna

Honestly? She sounds like a 14 year old girl. Not a bad kid like you say she is.  I don't see how you can say she was a good kid but you suspected it was a "cover up".  Kids aren't secretly bad and hide it.  If she was being a good kid and it was only 4 weeks ago that she started acting out you both need to remember that she is 14.  I was a good kid but I threw tantrums and slammed doors and left the house when I didn't get my way, especially when it was about a bf.  My parents knew best but 14 year olds think they know everything.  This has nothing to do with her being a bad kid.  It has to do with learning how to parent a teenager.  I don't think she should be thrown under the bus as having emotional and mental issues.  I think taking that stance right off the bat because she is behaving badly isn't fair to her and labeling her like that can hurt her worse IMO. 

I agree with PP that she should be living with her father not his parents.  It sounds like the only reason is because you didn't want to make her change schools?  I think it is harder on a kid to not live with a parent and feel abandoned then to have to change schools and make new friends.  I think she needs to be living with her father and to be treated like a normal teenage girl.  Not labled as one that is bad and has mental issues.