The baby wait show?

artletzler

So I received a call today from our agency regarding our BM's app for a casting call for a new show focusing on open adoption.  My husband isn't home to discuss this with yet & I am going crazy with all sorts of thoughts.  The casting director contacted our agency as they are interested in working with our BM on filming a series.  while I initially am trying to research absolutely everything about this production company I'm running through all of these scenarios of what if it falls apart and they still want to film our devastation, what if the show edits everything poorly and it turns into buying a baby, what if...ahhhhh I wish my husband were here!  Anyone have any thoughts.  The show is supposed to focus on open adoption and the emotional process it takes for all parties involved they want to film 4 weeks on a set schedule prior to birth and 4 weeks after birth.  back to research.  What would you do? 

bcnoelle

I would try to see if the agency can help navigate the communication between you and BM on this one. Maybe find out how she found out about this show and what her expectations are by doing it (monetary, emotional journaling, something for the child to draw back on to understand?). I would think that unless it's through some sort of public broadcasting, this production company meeds to make a profit from all of this and I would be suspicious as to their spin on the show. I would not be happy about having a set schedule to film a show, especially with a newborn to focus on. Sorry you are working on figuring this out!

srmmm09

Gosh, only 4 weeks after placement? That seems a bit... nearsighted. As a BM, I definitely was still in the grieving process at 4 weeks. I mean, I wasn't a mess, but I was still actively grieving. I didn't yet have the comfort of seeing LO secure and thriving and happy and... well, doing like anything. A four week old is kind of a little sleepy lump.

And, I have no idea yet, but it seems like it might take more than 4 weeks to develop a secure attachment with the APs... I don't know, but it's not like I felt like I had my feet under me 4 weeks into parenting DS. I'd totes question them about their desires in making this. Not to say their intentions are bad; I just don't know if they're going to get what they might be trying to...

silliestbunny

I wouldn't do it.  I am all for shows like Bringing Baby Home, The Baby Story, Adoption Story, etc... but it's not for me.

 Our second adoption would have been a good story, so it seems...  We had a great relationship early on, good communicatoin.  We had fun together/on the phone mostly.

At birth, things went well enough but I was a nervous wreck because BM wanted to have the baby in her room as much as possible even though we had our own room.  I would not have liked my stressed self filmed.

Fast forward a few days, after TPR was signed, we thought all was in the clear only to learn the ASP and lawyer representing her screwed up.  It was SO incredibly stressful. I basically knew that I had my little girl in my possession yet none of the paperwork made it legal and everyone (BM and BF) could revoke their willingness to sign TPR.  It was scary.  Again, I would not have liked it filmed.

Then four weeks or so post-partem, my sweet BM who had been "clean" for two years, made some poor choices that led her on a bad path. Again, not a good idea to film.

So... in theory, we had a great story to film.  But the nature of adoption is so rocky that anything can happen at anytime and I would not add that stress to our lives.

erinmc1

We were contacted about it as well, but on the advice of our agency, decided not to do it.  They advised that not a lot of birth mothers would be ok with having the results of, and your reactions to, their decisions broadcast for the world to see, and potentially to judge them.  Since we haven't yet been matched, that was a huge consideration for us.  They also said that for our own sake, we ought to consider how we'd feel if for some reason the match failed, and having to deal with our grief in such a public forum.  

 We were tempted from an advocacy standpoint, and also if it would somehow increase our visibility to birth mothers and up our odds of being matched, but in the end, it seemed like protecting our own, and the birth mother's, privacy won out for us.

Magoy

After having just gone through a terrible, gut wrenching, failed match at the hosptial the day after the baby was born...   I would not have wanted anybody to witness that.  NO ONE.  

Do they want to be at the hospital filming?  Because, even when things were going well... I woudn't have wanted anyone there.  It's such a private time, for everyone.

Maybe if they wanted to film a couple weeks before and then a couple weeks after, maybe that would be ok.  But, the stress of being in the hospital (and possible devastation) is just not something I would ever want filmed.   

artletzler

Thank you all!  I know - as is adoption isn't stressful enough!  We certainly would never ask to do this.  I've asked our agency to talk to our BM about her motivation to do so and if she REALLY strongly feels comfortable in going forward that we'll support her, but we have our reservations and concerns. Honestly hoping that nothing will come of it, we don't want drama.  We just want a smooth adoption and a little boy in the end will be heaven!