Do I let him in the delivery room?

Tayrusso

I have been having this internal debate for weeks.  I am still in love with my ex-husband...so I worry that having him there would ultimately give me a false sense of hope and hurt me in the end.  He has tried to be involved with the pregnancy, he has asked to go to all the appointments, but I haven't let him since he abandoned me.  He doesn't want to be there for me, he wants to be there for his child...

Opinions appreciated.  If anyone has been in a similar situation, I would love to hear from you.

achase123

I left XH when I was eight months pg.  I was so close to my due date that I ultimately decided to have him in the room.  I also had a labor coach (my BFF) and my mom was in there too.  If I had it to do all over again I would NOT have had him in the room.  I think I was just still confused and didn't want to totally give up on the idea of having a somewhat normal birth experience.  However, he didn't stay the night with us (BFF did) and he was actually nodding off when I was pushing (he was coming down off of a high is my best guess). 

It's totally up to you but it sounds like you'd be having him in there for the wrong reasons.  If you can reach a place where you want him in there as the father of your child and nothing more then I'd say to consider it.  Otherwise it might be less painful to not have him in there.  It's such an emotionally charged experience-you don't want anything to cloud your judgement.

roxygulrjax

I'm letting LO's dad in the room.  I am mad at him.  I'm pissed, really.  But I believe it is a once in a lifetime opportunity and it is his baby.  He wants to be there and experience her coming into the world and I would never feel right about denying him that.  I also let him come to the appointments with me.  I know that it's pretty shitty that he left while I was pregnant but he does want to be involved in her life and that includes appointments and birth.  I'll deal with our issues as the time comes...

mdotm0904

I didn't have BD in the room even though he demanded to know when I'd be giving birth so he could be present. I understand that it's a once in a lifetime experience but your feelings trump his. I felt as though he'd stress me out & there'd be tension between him & my family. So I told him he had to wait in the waiting room or come after. Was he pissed, of course. But not my problem. And after a 22hour labor and an emergency c-section, I'm glad he wasn't there. And if I had to do it again, I wouldn't change a thing. Good luck with your decision. 

Annplus1

I really wrestled with this. In a big way. Ex left me when I was 10 weeks pregnant, a baby we were trying for for over 4 years. And I thought- it wasn't fair to him to keep him out, it's a moment he should be a part of, etc. 

 Then I realized I was trying to force a family moment that didn't exist. And how would I cope when he left us, went home and to his new life, his new partner while I laid there, alone with our child. Of course my parents were there. But please, when you make this decision, remember the birth is the first part. What happens after? Ask yourself why you are wanting him in there. Is it really for his experience or is it for you to pretend your family is still there?

PLEASE know I don't say any of that to hurt you. I don't want you to be hurt the most when you are at your most weak. And if you prepare yourself, it might be exactly what you want with him in the room. I wish you the best. 

jtrayers

^wss. 

dufferoo

I didn't let my ex in the room when I delivered my daughter 9 years ago and to this day he is still pissed about it. But I have never regretted my decision for a second! It is a woman's right to be there for a baby's delivery (obviously) and a man's privilege.

fauxshelley

My XH wasn't with me when I had our son.  I never regretted it.  Not even for one second.

peachmuffins

You probablyneed to look up the birth certificate laws too. If you dont want him on the certificate he probably shouldnt be there. Ive heard that if he is there he can demand to be on it. Just something to look into.