Family Shower for multiple new moms

kabraun3

I wanted to see what everyone thought about this...

 My aunt and older cousins wanted to have a combined shower for 3 of us cousins who are due in June, July (me), and August. They said it would just be easier for everyone to get together. The shower would be at my parents house since it is the largest. I've only talked to one cousin so far about it and she thought it would be okay. Part of me kinda feels like they don't really care about us. I guess I don't get why they think we have to be together. We could have a showers a month apart and that way people wouldn't have such an expense in one weekend.

 Please let me know what your thoughts are. I just don't know how to approach this. Thanks!

kaitylin

We did a family shower for 2 of my cousins who were having babies. We did it over Thanksgiving since it was the only time that relatives would be together (we did a family thanksgiving and a lot of us flew across the country for it). We just decided it would make sense to have a family shower then since everyone was there. It was only a family shower though and both cousins had separate showers with their own friends (and their immediate families went to both) so they still had a day that was all to them but for the family it was nice to have one big affair. It was fun because one was team blue and one was team green so lots of different baby gifts. They had a great time comparing bellies and pregnancy stories.

If you and your cousins have a family shower all together I'm sure it will be fun but maybe keep it as just family (so friends aren't confused about who to get gifts for) and then maybe one of your friends will throw you a separate shower for just you. Then you get 2 :-)

RoxyLynn

I think it would be very awkward gift-wise for guests who are closer to one mother-to-be than to the other two.  I'd feel AWFUL if I was carseat-close with one and hooded towel set-close with the others, and all gifts were opened at the same event.  I'd just get everyone the hooded towel sets.

BallSox

Other than the aspect of opening presents (and I'd think that there are ways around it) I don't see a problem with a one-side of the family only joint shower.  If every person on your list knows all three moms to be, I think it would be kind of fun, actually. 

 

But then again, I don't have a need to be the center of attention all of the time.  

 

The only (potential) downside I can picture would be that you would end up with a lot of identical presents.  For example, if I was going to a party like this, I'd be likely to just go and get three boxes of diapers, three outfits, three of the same book, w/e.  However, I'd likely get the same type of presents for each person anyways and it's stuff that you would use as a mom. 

526SadieSadie

It sounds like a really nice idea in theory, but the more I thought about it, the less I like it.

It sounds like it would pretty much exclude people that aren't mutual friends of all of moms to be, if I were invited to a shower for three women and I only knew one of them...I might feel pressure to buy all three of them a gift or not attend and only send a gift to my friend.

If I were invited to one shower for three relatives, I'd probably end up spending less for each gift than I would have for a single shower.  I'm all for being exceptionally generous to family, but I can't say that I can afford to spend $50-75 on three gifts all at once. 

From a honoree's perspective, I'm not a huge AW, but I think the day of a shower is one time that it's really ok to have all of the limelight.  I wouldn't love having to share it with anyone else, especially if the other honorees were due before me.

EastCoastBride

Two views:

If I were your family member and would be invited to all 3 showers - I'd honestly HATE having 3 showers to attend over a relatively short period of time, especially in the nicer months/ summer.  That's a huge time suck.  From that POV, I kind of like the idea of 1 shower for all 3 people.

BUT, the other side to this is as others mentioned - the "confusion" of the gift opening, and as Roxy said, people who are different levels of closeness.  That could be awkward.

Also, the guest list would need to be ONLY those people who would be invited to all 3 showers anyhow.  No friends, no IL's who really only know 1 or 2 of the moms. 

I do not think this is about them "not caring" about you, though.  They DO want to throw a shower, right?  That's them caring about you.  Dont' make this into something it isn't.

FemShep

I don't think it's at all that your family doesn't care about you, they're just being practical. They likely see it as three baby showers over three months, with basically the same guest list. That's a huge time and financial commitment to essentially throw the same party three times in a row. I agree with PPs that it can be awkward for friends/ILs, but if that's how your host wants to do it (understandably), you really don't have a choice in the matter. You could turn down the shower altogether, I suppose, but that seems like a big overreaction.

margot209

I think it could be fun if it was all your family (people that would go to all 3 showers if they were seperate).  If you had 3 seperate ones, probably family from further away wouldn't be able to attend all of them, so this lets everyone celebrate together.  Besides, if you had them seperately, I think a lot of people would be bored of the idea by the last one...that's a lot of baby showers in a short time.

OF COURSE they care about you!  They want to throw you a shower! 

I'm sure, like pp have said, that you could each have your own shower with your other families and friends, and the family who already had the mutual shower could attend or not at their convenience. 

Why not just use it as one more opportunity to celebrate, let go of some expectations, and just have fun with it?  No matter what, they are all still there because they are happy for you.  And if someone else is throwing a party for you, you don't really get to dictate how it should be.

Gismo123

I agree with PP about too much going on.  I would politely decline the combined shower....it's just sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Minipenguin

526SadieSadie:

From a honoree's perspective, I'm not a huge AW, but I think the day of a shower is one time that it's really ok to have all of the limelight.  I wouldn't love having to share it with anyone else, especially if the other honorees were due before me.

 

I really agree with this. IMO, it's okay to AW once in awhile and having a baby is a huge thing in a person's life. They should get one day to really AW before their lives change dramatically. And it's not like you planned to get pregnant at the same time (I hope), so you should really get the same amount of AWing time that you would get otherwise, especially given that I am not a fan of 2nd showers so this would be your only opportunity.

That's my idealistic opinion. In practicality, I was born a week after Christmas and my brother and sister were born a week before Christmas (3 different years). We should have gotten our own birthday parties and separate Christmas presents, but it just doesn't work that way. Sometimes circumstances bite you in the ass.

angelfire02

I just went to one of these for a friend of mine and it was the biggest sh*t show I have ever seen.  It was her and her sister in law and what a freaking mess.  There were close to 100 people there and no one knew anyone else you couldn't find a place to sit, and when they opened their gifts - at the same time mind you - there was someone whisking them away to another room before anyone could see what they were. I put my gift in the wrong pile (there was nothing telling me that) so her SIL opened her gift from me and didn't know it until she got to the card AFTER she opened the gift.  Totally messed up.  I know some of it was the organization of the thing, but in  my opinion, have a separate shower.  Celebrate each baby and mama to be in their own right.  If people care enough they will come to separate ones.  Just my opinion....

ljanette85

i think you could get away with it for 2 people, but 3 is a lot!

earthmama2011

I have to agree with some of the other comments. In theory, it does sound like a great idea. As a guest it would be really convenient to only have to attend one shower, especially if travelling from out of town. 

I can see how it could get confusing and time consuming having all 3 moms opening gifts. Would you all open at once, then you wouldn't necessarily see your gift being opened. On the other hand it would take quite a while to have each mom take turns opening gifts. Then you have to worry that each mom gets the correct gift. 

It was also mentioned that some guests may feel pressured to spend the same amount on each mom. I don't know if I necessarily would feel that way, although I would feel really bad if one of the moms didn't get as much. 

Is your family quite close to one another? If you think there is potential for feelings to get hurt and also for "mass confusion" I would decline:)   

rhubarb123

Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.  If all mom's are only inviting your side of the family (no in-laws and no friends) it could work out.  I went to a shower for a MTB and a BTB and it wasn't too bad until gift opening time.  Fortunately, I knew them both the same (sisters and my nieces) so I spent the same amount on both.  I'm thinking that will not be the case in your situation.  Obviously I know some people in my own family better than others (and like them more - LOL).  The MTB's have to agree NOT to invite anyone else to the shower.  Even MIL's shouldn't be put in that position (your cousins' MIL's may not know you or like you...for instance).  I would pass if it was me but I guess it depends on how much drama declining would cause.

dufferoo

When it comes to showers I feel like you get what you get. You can't dictate how someone organizes it. So you can decline this family shower, but then you can't expect your family to do something different for you instead. ...But I would accept-- It's just family! And the great news is, since you aren't hosting, you don't have to figure out the logistics of the gift-opening, etc.!

If you are worried that this shower is going to be a disaster, you don't have to invite any of your friends. If they ask, let them know it's just a family event, and maybe (just maybe) one of them will decide to host you your own private friend shower.

Think of this like the time your crazy aunt Lulu decided to host Thanksgiving in her tiny apartment with all the cats... Yeah, everyone knows it's going to be a disaster, but you let it happen just that once and then you all laugh about it for years.

Loribelle73

I'll throw my 2 cents in as someone who has attended a shower honoring 3 moms at once.  I have hosted a shower before, so I know how expensive they are.  The prospect of having to pay to HOST 3 separate showers a month apart is pretty daunting.  However, as a guest, having to buy 3 gifts all at once, rather than having 3 months to spread out the cost is an issue as well.  I really wanted to do nice things for each of my friends, but it was hard to come up with that much money all at once.  It was especially awkward because one of the moms was a first time mom, and the others were both expecting their 3rd.  I felt like the new mom should have gotten a much nicer gift, but I didn't want to make the other 2 feel bad.  (Please don't turn this into another no 2nd shower rant, I did not host this one.)

ChristyML

I just found out that one of my husband's cousin's wife (my husband is close to his cousin) is due 2 weeks after me. It's her first and my first baby, and I'll be extremely pissed if someone decides to do a joint shower. I personally think it's actually rude to do a joint shower, as it seems like the host just would want to kill two birds with one stone, so to speak. Like pps have said, the gift thing would be terribly awkward.

Rhianna1981

I think agree with the other poster- people are offering to throw you a shower. You cannot dictate HOW it happens. If you would prefer to have your own shower, you may be out-of-luck if you decline this one. Also, if the other two cousins have a joint shower, and you don't, but you go to their shower, you might actually feel left out.

As a guest, I would much rather attend a joint shower than 3 shower in 3 months. In fact, I might not attend all 3 showers if I were invited to three, anyway.

I do think that the invitees to all 3 showers need to be family or friends who know all honorees. Inviting friends who only know one of the honorees would be awkward. Also, I might re-think the gift opening. Not sure exactly how I'd do it, though!

useurname

RoxyLynn:

I think it would be very awkward gift-wise for guests who are closer to one mother-to-be than to the other two.  I'd feel AWFUL if I was carseat-close with one and hooded towel set-close with the others, and all gifts were opened at the same event.  I'd just get everyone the hooded towel sets.

I agree w/ this PP.  Seems to me someone may feel uncomfortable about a gift given to one and not to another.  I know you can't make someone give you a certain gift, but I would feel awkward.

doublefiesta

I had a joint shower with my SIL last fall, hosted by my MIL (SIL's mom). Our babies were 7 wks apart. We had about 75 guests and it was held at my wedding venue. It was extremely well organized, and I think that was the key. There were two separate gift tables, we opened our presents at the same time, we each had an adult helper write down who gave us what, another helper who handed us presents to open, and a child helper who walked around the room with the gifts as we opened them so ppl could see what we got. Because we opened presents at the same time, it didn't matter at all that some ppl brought a present for one but not both of us.

If your family is not organized, don't do it. However, hosting even a small gathering takes a lot of time, energy and money. I think insisting on your own shower when there are several expecting moms in your family smacks of entitlement.