How do I tell my 70 yr old mom that she's too old to babysit?

tinydancingqueen

So my LO is a whopping 16+ lbs at 16 weeks, and is growing by leaps and bounds.  That's the good news.  The bad news is that his primary babysitter during the day is my mom, and she's 70 years old, frail, and only 80 lbs soaking wet. 

Believe me, this is not my first choice, but my mom insists.  I would rather hire a professional nanny or sitter, but my mom just won't have it.

LO must have had a growth spurt in the last few days because my mom is having a really tough time holding him upright for feedings and picking him up from a lying down position.  It's even more difficult for her to pick him up off the floor after tummy time and impossible for her to give LO baths. 

My mom is determined to take care of LO herself, whatever it takes, and is totally offended whenever she finds out that we asked another family member or friend to help babysit, even in the evenings when she's unable to (she can't drive herself and is too pooped out at the end of the day to help out at night).  How do I break it to her that she doesn't have the strength to babysit LO alone by herself when she's so determined to do so?

Momto4cats

The only way is with a lot of love. Maybe she can watch LO sometimes for short periods of time? 

HPickle23

I would definitely sit her down for a chat and explain how you feel. I would tell her that it's not just your LO you are worried about, but you're worried about your mom. You don't want her to hurt herself trying to get up off the floor. I would outline the things she can do and help her recognize the things she can't. Or find other ways for her to do the things she needs to do. Why does she have to hold LO when they eat? Do you have a high chair? You might have to invest in a few things so Mom can do a better job as babysitter. Would it help if another family member was with her? I hope things work out!

kyaggi

We went through the exact same thing with my gma who is 82 years old. She insisted she would drive to our house (an hour drive) everyday to watch our LO. She shouldn't even be driving anyway so this was an issue. I finally just had to tell her we found a daycare close to home, she as very upset but after a few days she got over it. I didn't have the heart to tell her I didn't feel comfortable having her watch LO. But I think she realized in the end she probably shouldn't.

BettyBookworm

That's rough.

You have to be gentle, but honest. Much like taking the car keys, the conversation has to happen for her safety & LO's.

Imagine how awful she would feel if she dropped him or had some other emergency where she couldn't get him out of the house. I wouldn't use the term "too old" merely that we know that LO is getting bigger and more heavy.

Just let her know that  you would feel more comfortable for the safety of ALL if she could have play time with him with some other folks around. 

I won't lie, she will be offended, and may not speak to you for a while. However, you have to set the safety guidelines for your LO, and really for her too. She could seriously injure herself and LO if they fall.  

baby3ob

oh gosh, im going through something similar. MY grandma (75) has been watching our LO for the past month once i went back to work. My LO is 16 lbs/16 weeks too - and you can tell it's getting difficult for her but she just won't dang admit it. she is only watching her through end of may though, until my sister's school year is over. but i feel you. i've struggled with how to tell her without hurting her feelings, but i just can't. luckily my husband works from home upstairs, so he can help out every once in a while. hugs and good luck

mben1119

You set up other childcare and follow through with it.  What is more important, offending your mother or your child's (and your mother's) wellbeing?

mackenziemp

My grandma (76) wanted to be our sole babysitter, but she's also pretty frail and I was worried about her not being able to pick up LO or dropping her while walking with her. We went with a daycare instead which definitely upset her in the beginning. But I do let her watch LO for short periods of time once a week so she still feels like she's getting her bonding time.

The health of both your mom and your LO are most important. Let her still have her bonding time but go with a daycare for the bulk of the time.

authorofdreamz

mabenner1:

You set up other childcare and follow through with it.  What is more important, offending your mother or your child's (and your mother's) wellbeing?

This. You just tell her that you aren't comfortable with her watching LO anymore and have made other arrangements. She may be offended but she will get over it. You are an adult and you are the parent. You do what is best for your child and she can deal. I mean the worst she can do is refuse to talk to you but do you really think she is going to stay out of her daughter and grandchild's life forever?

lemonJAM

margaretkaye1:

Momto4cats:

The only way is with a lot of love. Maybe she can watch LO sometimes for short periods of time? 

This. DHs grandma obviously wants to be our go-to for sitting L, but frankly the woman makes me nervous. So I have her watch the kids when I need to just run out real quick and were planning on maybe setting it up so I can go to the gym for an hour once in awhile. I just make sure she wont really need to do anything much more than sit there with her.  You wouldn't have a regular sitter bathe your LO so I wouldn't worry about your mom not doing it. 

Actually, our sitter has ocassionally had to bathe one of the kids.  When you're dealing with explosive poo, sometimes it just gets everywhere.