If you had contact with BM before birth...

EclairAngst

How much, if any did you share about things you were doing in getting ready for your LO?  

We have met BM once and I have been communicating with her via phone and text since then. It's been really nice getting to know her and kind of sharing bits of our days. The difficult thing is that, of course, much of my brain is taken up by baby things right now. Eventually I will ask her if she wants to hear about those kinds of goings-on but for now I'm just curious about what others have shared/experienced. 

 

Art Teacher

I tried to balance it by telling her some things we were doing to get ready (maybe we got furniture for the baby's room or something else) and telling her about other things we were doing.  I tried to ask her questions about how she was feeling and how things were going in her life (other than the pregnancy) and I asked her questions about the baby and her doctor appointments. 

sw_in_kc

We didn't have much contact with BM before birth. Once we were matched, BM wanted to meet us in person. She asked us if we were ready (she was having contractions all through dinner!). We shared how we were decorating the nursery, what clothes she had so far, etc. When we saw BM again (in the delivery room) she asked us again between contractions. We got to show her some pictures of the nursery at that time.

We don't have regular contact or contact information for each other.

bhead81

We did not talk about it too much unless she asked.  We usually talked about what was occuring in her life (usually baby daddy drama) and then updated her on our lives. 

Patches08

I visited the nursery many times. I actually helped decorate it and I purchased a couple pieces of art work that fit their decor for DD's room. Now that she's no longer in the nursery we (my parents and I) gave her my white bedroom set I used all my life (until I bought a house). I was very involved in baby stuff my whole pregnancy. Although I will mention I was not invited to the shower, nor did I have one (I wish I was invited though). ETA: I want to say that I LOOVVEE that DD is using the same furniture that I did.. it's the little things, just knowing I did all my homework at that white desk and now she is.. :-)

militarywife2b

I try to keep it even discussing the baby and life events with our BM. She will be moving in with us 6 weeks before she delivers which is getting close do now our conversations are more about things she will want when she gets here.

Art Teacher

Patches08:

I visited the nursery many times. I actually helped decorate it and I purchased a couple pieces of art work that fit their decor for DD's room. Now that she's no longer in the nursery we (my parents and I) gave her my white bedroom set I used all my life (until I bought a house). I was very involved in baby stuff my whole pregnancy. Although I will mention I was not invited to the shower, nor did I have one (I wish I was invited though). ETA: I want to say that I LOOVVEE that DD is using the same furniture that I did.. it's the little things, just knowing I did all my homework at that white desk and now she is.. :-)

Patches, I think that it so nice that you helped decorate the nursery.  Wow.  I also love that you gave her your bedroom set, too, and that she does her homework at the same desk...

DD's birthmom and her birthgrandma made her a picture for her room - a shadow box with her name and other scrapbook-related things.  It's so special - I love that it's a part of her room.  DD will always have it.

EclairAngst

Thanks for your input, everyone.  Patches, I was especially hoping you'd chime in  

We've been talking a lot about all that's going on in her life, which is good, and we want to support that.  I also don't want it to be a one-sided relationship where we don't share much of what we're doing/thinking/feeling and as she asks more about us, it's nice to have some perspective on how much to share.  

WillisReincarnated

I honestly tried not to talk about it too much, if at all.  I may have mentioned that DH was working on the nursery (he was at home, and I was in Vegas waiting).  I didn't want to make her feel sad.  I knew that as much as she was confident in her decision, she was still sad about it.  And she told me that she hadn't place the last several of her children in a crib because they were out of room.  So I didn't want my nursery preparation to bring up sad/bad feelings for her.

jacksjerseygirl

I didn't have the opportunity to know DS' biological mother before he was born but we have had a relationship since then. 

If we are lucky enough to have time to get to know #2's mother before they are born - I will focus most of my energy on listening to her and asking her questions about her life, her childhood, her family, her parents, her siblings, her other children (if she has them), about her interests, and so forth. Unless she asks about the nursery - I doubt I will say much. Though I will have a picture of the nursery in a photobook that she can keep. 

Even though DS's biological mother and I email once a month or more she is not receptive to answering questions about her life other than the normal pleasant conversation items. I wish I had asked her more questions about her life during our first and only face to face meeting at the hospital. 

If you get answers to those questions or no matter what she says ... as soon as you can write down the conversation in a book. One day your child might be interested. We never know what our children's needs and desires will be as they grow as it pertains to their biological roots and adoption ... better to have the information than not to.