If this statistic is true...

anna7602

It's kind of sad as far as "balance" goes. Just read this line in a Washington Post article called "What's so bad about American parents anyway?"

(https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/whats-so-bad-about-american-parents-anyway/2012/02/27/gIQAa1vFnR_story.html)

American mothers who work outside the home ? and that?s three-fourths of all moms, many of whom work full-time ? spend more time with their children today than stay-at-home mothers did in the 1960s. They do so by forgoing sleep, personal care, housework and any shred of personal leisure. Their ?free time? is largely spent with their kids.

***

Discuss.

3003girl

I did not read the article, but in the past 7 days I have had zero free time. I was supposed to "go out" to work out on Wednesday, but ny dog got sick so I spent the time at the vet. With the kiddo. 

I am trying to get one night a week out on my own, but so far it's failed 3 of the 4 weeks.

Dh is a SAHD and works part time. He also tries to get one night a week off, and generally is able too, because he goes out after bedtime. I would say he gets 3-4 nights out a week.  

Spenjamins

Silly and biased.

pixieprincss

I think it is interesting that the article vaguely implies that AP and helicopter parenting are synonymous. Most of the AP parents I know are very much NOT achievement/competition-driven for their kids and are very much into child-led exploratory learning. For me, the heart of AP is the opposite of helicopter parenting. It is about fostering strong attachment so that kids can embrace independence confidently at their own speed. 

For example, I find that when DS's "attachment tank" is filled up, he and I are both very, very happy with him being independent. I tend to wear him to wear we are going then put him down and let him stay with me to observe as long as he wants. When he is ready to move, he goes on his tiny little way and I stay put. From there, he can explore and climb and fall and fail and just roll with it and then come to me when he needs a hug. No helicoptering desired from either of us.

Now, in terms of the point about free time--I have read other similar things, though this one is perhaps the most extreme phrasing I have come across. Here is another place where I think AP is great. That focus on BALANCE. It is not only wonderful for the health of the parent(s) but also gives kids the chance to utilize that independence and confidence that comes (with time) as a benefit of strong attachment. I think that AP can become helicopter parenting without balance, but that is why that "B" needs to be just as important that the rest.

katiewhompus

I would be curious to see how they came up with the results. Do I give up my "me' time to be with DD? Sure, but I do it because I would rather play with her than sew or crochet. Give up personal hygiene? Eh, I haven't painted my nails in a while and have gone a while between hair cuts because it's just nnot as important as DD in this time of our lives. I don't think I'm not balanced because I would rather be with DD than spend a few hours by myself. I've waited a long time for her and enjoy spending my me time with her. 

I would be more interested if they had the numbers who felt negatively about the time spent with their LO's. It's all in the questions.

Meg&Jesse

I agree with pp that often times I choose to spend time with DS, because I want too.  I also feel that in choosing to become a parent that means life changes and I don't get to do whatever I want whenever I want.  I have to laugh at the personal hygiene part though...I think I have "let myself go" a bit since having DS.  I am not that concerned about how I look; however I have told myself that after this baby is born I am going to put more effort into taking care of myself.

 

ILoveRunning

pixieprincss:

For example, I find that when DS's "attachment tank" is filled up, he and I are both very, very happy with him being independent. I tend to wear him to wear we are going then put him down and let him stay with me to observe as long as he wants. When he is ready to move, he goes on his tiny little way and I stay put. From there, he can explore and climb and fall and fail and just roll with it and then come to me when he needs a hug. No helicoptering desired from either of us.

 DS is the same exact way.  If he is playing independently and suddenly comes over to me and gets super clingy I will pick him up and hold him for a while, or nurse him if I am sitting down.  Within a few minutes he is ready to go and explore on his own again.  It's amazing what a few minutes of "checking in" can do to foster independence.  

Mamasaurus

I don't know, a lot of the stuff I used to do for leisure is stuff I can do with a kid. I can birdwatch while wearing LO in a sling. I can take her to the beach with me. I can do crafts while she naps in the next room. Mainly, I won't be able to watch as many movies in the theater, or go into the city to see as many foreign films. Unless my parenting experience is MAJORLY different from that of most people I know, it will not be and does not have to be an either/or situation. I hate when it is portrayed as if enjoying yourself and spending time with your kid/s are mutually exclusive things.