What would you do?

CowboysWife04

DH is a wonderful dad to our girls (with some gentle encouragement from me) and they think he walks on water.  The drawback is that he's a really bad husband to me, and has been for most of the last 3 years. 

He's not physically abusive, doesn't do any drugs, or any of the big no-brainer reasons to leave.  He is addicted to porn, and tries to manipulate me, but I'm learning to see through it.  There are also a lot of other 'little' things that are issues, but again no deal-breakers.

I left him at the end of January last year, and we were really close to being divorced (he signed...I didn't) when we decided to reconcile.  Of course things were as promised for a few weeks, but then went back to the way it was before.  I finally got him to go back on anti-depressants and that helped him want to be nice to me, and he does try most of the time, but I just have a feeling it may be too late.

I really don't want to be married to him anymore but not sure how I can do that to the girls and take away some of the time they have with him now.  Each time I'm ready to leave, I will see one of the girls sleeping or they will ask about him when he's at work etc. and I tell myself to stay so they can keep having that relationship with him.

Anyway, I know I'm asking a bunch of internet 'strangers' for advice, but you can be more objective than my family and friends.  If it was you, what would you do? If you've been in a similar situation where there weren't any big issues, what made you finally leave for good?

ChunkyMunkey

Unfortunately, the best advice I can give you is basically what I would have told myself 6 months ago. If you are unhappy and see absolutely no way of reconciling through it then move on. Life is too short to be unhappy.

What made me finally leave my husband was something completely out of control and would make any woman leave BUT I wished for months and months prior to that that I could move on because I was so unhappy. I tried "the talk" and discussing feelings but nothing seemed to work. He got worse and I became more and more depressed. He also was not a very good father (which it seems your H is).

I just knew for a really long time that I no longer wanted to be with him, but I stayed for my son and for the fact I found out we have a surprise baby #2 on the way. I guess I'm trying to say that no one really knows but YOU. Just because you wouldn't be married any more does not mean he can't still be a good daddy and you a good mommy. Many people co-parent wonderfully. Staying in an unhealthy and unhappy marriage would be more detrimental to your children than if you two were to separate.

achase123

I would recommend individual counseling to sort out your feelings.  Obviously I wouldn't want to stay with someone like that, and left my husband when he displayed similar qualities.  BUT...it took me a long time to get up the courage to leave.  Counseling helped me finally get a backbone and realize I deserved more.

A book that's good to read also is "Too Bad to Stay, Too Good to Leave"

roxygulrjax

I would ask myself "Have I done everything I can to make this relationship work?"  You can only control your side of the relationship.  If your answer is yes, you honestly believe that you have done your part and he still is not responding or respecting your issues with the relationship then there isn't much more you can do.