Catch 22 (kinda long)

busomud

We find out next Wednesday what we are having (I'm about to die to find out!) and feel like there's a catch 22. The boy name we've chosen is DH's great grandfather's name, Jasper. My mom doesn't like it...and admittedly, I'm not crazy about it. But it seems super important to DH, and I know no matter what we name the baby I'm going to be crazy about it. My mom and I are very close and it seems weird to hear her say how much she dislikes the name. I've tried explaining to her that it's important to DH (whom she loves, btw) but she says she doesn't care, it's still a bad name...oh, geeze...

Now, on to the girls name...DH and I went back and forth for a while with the first name and FINALLY settled on Natalie. I told my grandmother that if we had another little girl we were going to name her Natalie Raye, "Ray" after her late husband, my grandfather, whom I adored. Tears welled up in her eyes and I could tell it meant a lot to her. Then my cousin, 6 years my junior, practically yelled, " I wanted to name my daughter Natalie!" G-ma & I just turned and looked at her...wow, thanks for squishing a hallmark moment... She's not even pregnant... Anyways, she and I are pretty close (we were M of H in each others weddings) but she is notorious for holding grudges...and holding them...and holding them... and I know she'll be pissed if it's a girl.

These two people mean so much to me, but the bigger part of me doesn't care what either one thinks about the names, especially my mom, she'll get over it the moment she lays eyes on the baby, but my cousin will likely hold onto it for years...how stupid, right? I guess I'm more concerned about approaching her when we find out. Should I care more? What would you say?

LadyExtravaganza

My advice would be to stop discussing baby names entirely with anyone IRL. When your LO is born, name it whatever you want. But don't discuss it until then and you'll get a lot less crap and have a lot less stress over it.

kmwills

My thought is, your baby - you get to pick the name.  Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.  It might be different if your cousin was pg and already announced that she picked Natalie.  She could have a different favorite name by the time she gets pg.  Name your baby whatever you want.

TheWop

Stand your ground.  You're the one who is pregnant, not her.  And what if she never has a baby girl?  Then you may have skipped out on a name you love for nothing.  Wait it out and see what you're having.  If you're having a boy drop it, and learn your lesson about discussing names.  If you're having a girl, tell her truthfully that if you have a girl you're going to use Natalie because you and your husband love it, and that you hope she understands. 

kelle017

kmwills:

My thought is, your baby - you get to pick the name.  Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.  It might be different if your cousin was pg and already announced that she picked Natalie.  She could have a different favorite name by the time she gets pg.  Name your baby whatever you want.

Exactly!

 

AnneEB

kmwills:

My thought is, your baby - you get to pick the name.  Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.  It might be different if your cousin was pg and already announced that she picked Natalie.  She could have a different favorite name by the time she gets pg.  Name your baby whatever you want.

 I agree with this... And all other pps  

FrecklesInside

TheWop:

Stand your ground.  You're the one who is pregnant, not her.  And what if she never has a baby girl?  Then you may have skipped out on a name you love for nothing.  Wait it out and see what you're having.  If you're having a boy drop it, and learn your lesson about discussing names.  If you're having a girl, tell her truthfully that if you have a girl you're going to use Natalie because you and your husband love it, and that you hope she understands. 

Exactly. She might never have a little girl - you should not skip out a name because someone says they were hoping to use it at some unknown time in the future... that is ridiculous. As for your mom, you're right - she'll love him when she sees him.

And you should not share names IRL from now on...

FrecklesInside

Ooops, double post!

alliejo725

LadyExtravaganza:

My advice would be to stop discussing baby names entirely with anyone IRL. When your LO is born, name it whatever you want. But don't discuss it until then and you'll get a lot less crap and have a lot less stress over it.

This.

Also, I don't know that "catch-22" was the term you were looking for.

giraffe54

I love the name Natalie Raye. You can always tell your cousin to not get too settled on a name since every couple argues to death over it and tastes change dramatically over short periods of time. TBH, it sounds like she is jealous and will want to claim whatever name you choose.

I sympathize about your mom. My mom (who is wonderful and my bf) hates every boys name I come up with and reminds me at every turn that 'once I meet the baby I'll probably change my mind completely'. My DH is super traditional, and if it's a girl we are using my recently deceased MIL's middle name as a first name. We agreed that we'd use a variant of my mom's name for the middle name since it sounds pretty and I want something of my family in there, too. My mom laughed and told me it was silly to use her name and she doesn't care at all. I don't know why I'm desperate for her approval, but I think it's best for both of us to quit asking. By the time the baby comes, they will have gotten used to the names and won't say anything negative. They'll be too busy being in love with their grandbabies  

cloud9climber

LadyExtravaganza:

My advice would be to stop discussing baby names entirely with anyone IRL. When your LO is born, name it whatever you want. But don't discuss it until then and you'll get a lot less crap and have a lot less stress over it.

THIS.  fwiw, I like Jasper.  

emikat

Use your names that you chose.  I love them both BTW.  And don't worry about the drama.  It's your child and your choice.  I agree with all that PPs have said.  

groovygirl858

I think you should use the names you and your DH have agreed on. I agree with PP regarding not discussing names with anyone from this point forward. Regarding your cousin, you technically "claimed" Natalie first, but I agree with PP that since you are having a baby first, it is your decision and Natalie is not off the table.

526SadieSadie

If your cousin wanted to name a daughter Natalie, she should have gotten pregnant with a girl before you did - she's being ridiculous.  If it comes up again, tell her she can still name her daughter Natalie if she wants to, but your daughter will be Natalie Ray regardless of what she thinks.

This isn't 3rd grade, we can't call dibs on names.

As far as your mom goes, I totally understand how you feel, but she named her children and now its your turn.  My guess is that once she's holding little baby Jasper she'll forget all about how much she dislikes his name.

If you don't love Jasper, (and I'm sure this was suggested in another post, but I didn't read them all) why not compromise by using it as a middle name instead?  It seems like you and DH can both get what you want.  If you chose Ray for your daughter's middle name because of a beloved relative, why not Raymond Jasper?  Both loved ones can be honored with the same name!

adearest

I just wanted to say that Jasper is such a nice name...and you should go with Natalie.  I understand the frustration, but I wouldn't want to have regrets about changing a name that I loved for a cousin that may never even have a little girl.  She will get over it in time! 

MySallyGirl

Your cousin sounds like she is being a big baby.  She can still name her kid Natalie if she really wants to anyways.  Sorry about your mom.  I let my kid's name slip to my sister on accident before DS was born and she did not like it.  Now she likes it fine because she loves DS so much.   

Kissimi21

It's yor baby, therefore it's your choice. 

My mother and MIL both hated DS's name.  My mother kept calling him Matthew instead of Maxwell, and my MIL had a new middle name suggestion at least once a week.  At about 8 months, I went preg-zilla on both of them and let them know that DH and I were the only ones who get a vote.  Long story short, after his birth they both claim that the love DS's name and that it's perfect for him.

As for your cousin, let her know that you will be naming your child Natalie because you and your husband love the name.  She is welcome to use it too in the future if she has a girl.  There is no guarantee that she will have a daughter, that the father will love the name or that she will still love the name if/when she does get pregnant.

ElinJ

LadyExtravaganza:

My advice would be to stop discussing baby names entirely with anyone IRL. When your LO is born, name it whatever you want. But don't discuss it until then and you'll get a lot less crap and have a lot less stress over it.

This.

kmwills:

My thought is, your baby - you get to pick the name.  Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.  It might be different if your cousin was pg and already announced that she picked Natalie.  She could have a different favorite name by the time she gets pg.  Name your baby whatever you want.

And this.