September 2011 Moms
linzica
member
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Open Letters
linzica
member
Dear other designer,
You suck. You suck so much I think you must do it as a side job. I have spent the majority of my day correcting your mistakes. That would be bad enough, but you also left me piles of overdue work to try to catch up on.
Me being out two days a week is a good thing for you. It means you get to work and get money. It doesn't mean you should constantly be trying to stick it to me, talking behind my back or trying to change the system around that has been in place for year before I was here.
You want to bvtch and moan about how everyone comes to me with problems and I am too bossy? Quit f-ing everything up you dumb twadwater!
Sincerely,
linzica
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Re: Open Letters
Dear Skin on my face,
When I was pregnant - you glowed. You were so well behaved. You were flawless. Even after I had my child, you continued to be faithful and smooth like a baby's butt. I loved you. Mwah.
Now, I cant eat ONE STUPID chocolate chip cookie, and two days later I break out like a 16 year old. You've forced me to go buy ZIT cream!! Seriously?!?!
Please grow the *** up and glow again. (Or else I'll have to get pregnant again.)
Hugs & Kisses,
JKGymnast
Dear appetite,
Please come back. I just filled the house with groceries, and don't want to cook or eat any of it.
Sincerely,
Terrified to eat
Dear forehead,
Why do you look like the Sahara desert???
Love,
Lotion is not enough
Dear tooth in B's mouth,
Please just pop through already, I'd really like my happy baby back. You are taking entirely too long! He will e 6 months Friday, that is your deadline!
Thanks,
BsMom
Dear B,
Mommy's hair is not a toy, quit pulling!
I love you!
Mommy
Dear Pinterest,
Stop being so dang addicting.
Love,
an addict.
Dear neighbors,
Thanks for mowing our FOOT of yard on your side of the house, but I am not going to buy you a bottle of liquor because you think you did us a favor.. it was A FOOT of yard. Get over it, and stop parking 8 cars in your dang driveway!
From;
Your soon to be ex neighbor
? Voted Cool Cat ~ 2012 Sweetpea Mom Awards ?
Dear H,
I know you are trying to help, but when you are cleaning up as I am tending to the kids, please don't throw away food that would make perfectly good leftovers tomorrow for dinner. You are throwing away money (which you want me to save, hence why I coupon in the first place) and now I have to make a whole new dinner tomorrow instead of eating leftovers.
Your ever loving wife
And another...
Dear MIL,
Why can't you come get the kids on the weekend when we have to get stuff done around the house? Why do you have to take them to the movies during the week when I pay someone to be at home watching them?
Love,
me
Dear SIL,
Your way has always been better than mine.
Starving your newborn for four hour intervals was such a great idea and I'm sure it instilled in him a sense of discipline, as well as inhibiting healthy weight gain and giving him a sad little face with crusty, watery eyes. Also, using "hope control" instead of real BC when you got AF within a month, was brilliant. That's why your kids are going to be be 14 months apart, instead of the neat and tidy two to three years you were so sure you were going to have.
I fed my baby when he was hungry, am using real BC, and still haven't gotten AF. My son is a healthy weight, and one of the happiest babies I've ever seen, and I've never felt better (albeit a little sleepier).
Sincerely, your SIL who's way actually worked this time.
Ladies, sorry if that sounds too snarky, but this woman has major superiority issues, and it felt to good to be on the other side for once.
Dear whiny students,
Please stop being so lazy. "Ugh- the pencil sharpener's too far. I guess I just won't do my work." (Really? Who's that hurting?) "What? You're giving us too much homework!" (Not likely- it's even less likely that you'll do it, considering you would have to lift a finger and your un-sharpened pencil) "Why can't we just have nap time?" (Because I'm a taxpayer and I want to get my money's worth).
your frustrated teacher who's heard it all this year
Dear Dr.
Actually, you aren't even a doctor, you are a PA. All the more reason to point out that you are not too important to call me back and answer my questions. You call me to leave a message saying its not your policy to call patients? Really??
Sincerely,
me
Dear New Dr.
Please don't be an a-hole like that last one. Thank you.
Sincerely,
me again
Dear H,
How can you not hear LO crying? He's 10 feet from your head! Please stop snoring and get up with him the next time, I am so freakin' tired.
Love,
Your Sleep-Deprived Wife
Dear New House,
Please pass inspection and don't be hiding massive termite damage or a cracked foundation or anything. I would dearly love to get out of this apartment so N can have his own room. Plus you have a glorious kitchen and I want to cook the crap out of it.
Sincerely,
Your (hopefully) new owner
Dear MIL,
I don't care how competitive you are with your SIL. Just because DH will be coming home in a couple months or so doesn't mean that we will be automatically trying for another baby. I don't care if your SIL will catch up to you in November in the "who has the most grandkids" category... you may be in competition with her, but I am not. And even if DH and I do have another, two is all we're having. You will likely end up with fewer grandkids than your SIL anyway - she has more kids than you do. Suck it up.
Signed,
DIL who is not just a baby-machine
Dear May,
Can't you just make March and April disappear so you can get here more quickly? I would really like to have DH back home!
Signed,
Wife who misses her husband
So there's this boy. He kinda stole my heart. He calls me "Mom"
Voted "Mom of the Year" 2012 Sweetpea Mom Awards
Dear Co-worker,
It amazes me that you feel like you can leave work whenever you'd like. I love how you needing to run somewhere "real quick" turns into me covering you for the whole afternoon. And just because I don't have patients today, does mean I'm "free" and that doesn't mean that you can just decide you have something to do and leave me with all of your patients. You sat in the break room and chatted up our other co-workers for an hour and a half instead of taking care of business during lunch like any other responsible employee does. Oh, and I love that you didn't even have the courtesy to get things ready for me before you took off. And going somewhere and signing and paper takes 10 minutes, not 3.5 hours! Thanks so much for taking advantage of me. I'm glad that the crap you are taking care of on other people's time is at least your paperwork to transfer out of this place so I don't have to pick up your slack anymore. Where you are going you won't be getting away with this, and you'll be working 10 times harder, have fun!
Sincerely,
Your Disgruntled Co-Worker: WeWearCombatBoots