1st baby encounter = huge fail

figgs0831

I am a little embarrassed. Came out of a 2 hour meeting to find a 2 month old in the building. They were due just a few weeks after my first EDD. They new about both my losses . So can someone tell me why they thought it was a good idea to come to my office and asked me to hold the baby? 

 I sat there looking like a deer in the headlights. I couldn't even form words. Somehow, I managed to excuse myself and made it to the bathroom before breaking down. But if course, the bathroom turned out to be like grand central station and everyone came in to witness my breakdown.... Boss included. 

Does this ever get easier??? I was around an 18month old the other day and was perfectly fine. I held her and even played with her. I hate being this way. I know I can't hide from babies and pregnancies, but how do you work on not breaking down?

AmyG2b

I wish I had a good answer for you. I had to go to a first birthday party last weekend and it was awful. I just hate coming across as a b!tch, but I still don't want to be around pregnant people or little babies.  It's hard to find people who can relate to that. Sorry you had to go through it. 

krysiahamaty

I don't think they should have asked you to hold the baby, no matter the age. I think it'll take you a long time, if any time at all, that you will be able to handle babies especially ones due when your LO was due. I always feel like I can have 100 other babies but seeing my friend's baby that was due and born same day as Jack will always be hard for me.

Big hugs. I'm sorry you had a tough time. :-( 

pb127

I think you handled yourself as well as possible.  I'm sure your coworkers meant well (?) but I don't know why they ALL needed to go in and watch/console you... that must have been really hard.

I'm having a little easier time these days because I try to remind myself that I wouldn't want THEIR kid anyway... but I still get triggered when I see a little guy my son's age.  (((hugs)))

Mjmksb04

People can truly be so dense. After my last loss, I had friends coming up to me and discussing other people's pregnancies and new babies and I would just sit there speechless. Not that I expect people to censor themselves for me at all times, but to directly engage me in a conversation about healthy, happy babies after I lost my daughter just seems cruel.

butterfly843

((hugs)) I can't believe they asked you to hold the baby. Right after I lost my twins it was tough for me to hold any baby. Now that I'm further out from my losses I can hold a baby, pregnant women are still tough to see (but I think that also has to be because of how long I've been dealing with infertility) and twins forget it, I can't hold or pay any attention to them. I've seen b/g twins at work the same age mine should've been and had to run to the bathroom to cry.

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Carolee

That must have been hard.  I'm sorry.  For me, I still tear up sometimes.  It's not as much as it used to be.  It seems like time is all that's really made the difference for me.  It's harder for me to be around newborns than older babies, and girls are easier than boys.

figgs0831

pb127:

I think you handled yourself as well as possible.  I'm sure your coworkers meant well (?) but I don't know why they ALL needed to go in and watch/console you... that must have been really hard.

I'm having a little easier time these days because I try to remind myself that I wouldn't want THEIR kid anyway... but I still get triggered when I see a little guy my son's age.  (((hugs)))

Luckily, that wasn't their intention.  It turns out that 3pm is a really popular bathroom break.  They just happened to walk in on me.