WTH is WRONG with my kid???
Pelusa214
member
I can't take this anymore.
I don't know a single person who's kid does this. WTF is wrong with her?
She will NOT nap. Not like she's happy but not a napper. Like she's crying all freaking day but refuses to go to sleep. She's been awake for 6 hours and has had two 30-minute naps, one in the swing and one in the stroller. Other than that, she's crying all day. I can't even freaking put her down for 2 minutes to wash a )_(*&#$)(* bottle! I can't even make my 3 year old a sandwich for lunch. She's in the swing right now crying & I'm just standing there watching her because there's NOTHING I CAN DO. I try to soothe her and she just cries & cries. Shushing, rocking, paci, singing, dark room, bright room, short awake time, long awake time. She just stiffens her body, pushes me away, screams. I put her down in the crib & she screams even harder. I'm losing it in front of my 3 year old. I can't freaking stand this anymore. 6 hours of crying every day. At least. Still waking up 2-3 times a night. I do bedtime by myself almost 7 days a week.
WTF do I do when she screams no matter what I do????? She's so tired. And it doesn't matter WHAT I do, she won't sleep. Do I just let her sit in the swing & cry? I'm really starting to resent this baby. It's not fair to my 3 year old. She's getting ignored on a daily basis. And the crying is pushing me over the freaking edge.
Re: WTH is WRONG with my kid???
Deep breaths!
Get a family member/friend/sitter to help you out for a few hours, just so you can get away.
I would also schedule an appt with her pediatrician to make sure there's no underlying problem. If s/he doesn't find anything, get a second opinion. You're not a FTM, this is your second kid, so you already know what to do and 6hours of screaming is NOT normal. There might be some problem that just isn't visible that's causing her a lot of pain/problems.
Firstly, sorry I hope things get better soon.
Is she arching her back? I am not an expert, but DS is a preemie, and doctors ask me this all the time checking in case DS has reflux. My advice would be to get the doctor to check and make sure nothing is wrong, and if she is OK, go to a chiropractor, my DS has become a much more relaxed and happy baby since we started going.
Diagnosed with Anti little c antibodies. DS1 7.11.11 - Anaemia and Jaundice. 10 days in the NICU, 1 exchange transfusion and 4 blood transfusions. DS2 29.8.13 - Anaemia 7 days in the NICU and 1 exchange transfusion. Both are now happy and healthy.Ditto this ! DD was crying all.the.time until we found out she has a dairy allergy. We had to find the right formula for her (had I been BF-ing, I'd just have to cut dairy out of my diet) and then she was like an entirely different baby.
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." --Thomas A. Edison
She's been on Prevacid & Alimentum for 2 months. We even tried Neocate. Didn't make a difference. We see a GI dr. & have been to the pedi numerous times. They all tell us she's colicky & a tough baby, and perfectly healthy otherwise.
When I give up trying to put her for a nap, the crying temporarily stops & she's all smiles. Before I know it, she's starting again. She's so freaking tired and will.not.sleep. I really think that's the bulk of the problem. I just don't know what to do to fix it. The crying stresses me out so much, and it just continues when she doesn't sleep. When she naps, she's a different baby. That's like once every 3-4 weeks.
First, I think you need a break. Get someone to come stay with the kids, and take a break. Feeling like you resent the baby isn't going to help you stay calm and deal. If your mental state is really getting rough, I'd even call your doctor and head in for a chat to stay ahead of anything that might develop. It is HARD to deal with the screaming, and there's no shame in asking for some help, a lot or a little.
Second, have you taken her to the doctor for this? Is she showing any signs of reflux (sometimes it's silent) or an ear infection? It sounds like laying flat might not be comfortable for her, and those are the first two things I thought of that might cause that. Take her in and have them check her out head to toe and back up again to be sure. If you're BFing, try cutting the usual suspects out of your diet - dairy, caffeine, foods that might make her gassy. If you FF, talk to the doctor about trying a different formula for sensitive stomachs or dairy intolerance.
In the meantime, try wearing the baby so your hands are free to take care of your other LO. If you find something that works to calm her for even 30 minutes, keep doing it (as long as it's safe, obviously). And please, take a break for yourself. Once you've done that, next time take your older LO with you so she gets some special attention, too. It's hard right now, but you will figure this out and it will get better.
ETA: Just saw your second post, ignore my middle paragraph.
DD1 Feb 2010
DD2 Sept 2011
She won't tolerate babywearing, either.
Sounds to me like your baby is in pain from something.
i'm sorry you're going through this but i'm even more sorry if your baby is hurting
You poor thing! That sounds like reflux to me...see your pedi! I know it's hard but try not to resent the baby. Babies can't tell you something is wrong so all they can do is cry to let you know they are in pain or uncomfortable.
Sorry, just read your reply...
after anovulatory diagnosis and TTC for 1 1/2yrs with several medicated cycles and one chemical pregnancy, we have our first bundle of joy!
IT'S A GIRL!
#2 EDD 2/5/13 dx with anti-BIG E antibody, seeing a MFM
I don't take one single minute for granted.
In this case I would really recommend she sees a chiropractor, it sounds like she is in a cycle of no sleep and stress, the chiro can really help calm the baby and realise stress points (my chiro said many babys go home from their first appointment and sleep for hours, mine cetainly did).
I also recomend a break for you too, as pps said, the baby can feel your stress too, don't forget to look after yourself (if you can't get away, we both have chiro together, me and LO, and the practice looks after LO while I have my appoinmtment, it is just a short amount of time, but it can help on a stressful day.)
Diagnosed with Anti little c antibodies. DS1 7.11.11 - Anaemia and Jaundice. 10 days in the NICU, 1 exchange transfusion and 4 blood transfusions. DS2 29.8.13 - Anaemia 7 days in the NICU and 1 exchange transfusion. Both are now happy and healthy.DD1 Feb 2010
DD2 Sept 2011
Ditto. I previously posted about not making a lot of noise when my baby sleeps because he just wakes back up and everyone told me I was wrong to keep the house so quite while he slept, but it was and still is the only thing that works. He doesn't like to be held or rocked to sleep. He just wants to be put down and allowed to fall asleep on his own. Not sure if this would work for her and I am sure it won't work the first time, but honestly it has been a lifesaver. When he is trying to fall a sleep, I always stay close and occasionally give his head a little rub or put the paci back in his month, but that is the extent of me helping him sleep.
I am so very sorry that you are dealing with this and I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. For the first 3 months of her life, DD screamed. All.day.every.day SCREAMED. I felt like I spent all day trying to get her to nap. Like you, I couldn't do something for DS because my life was consumed with DD. I was at the end of my rope. I was pissed at every one all the time. I cried, I yelled, I resented her and the choice I made to have her. I even felt, at times, like I didn't love her.
This all sounds awful, but I want you to know that its ok to feel these things. It is the hardest thing in this world to feel helpless and feel like you can't take care of your own child. You feel like you are ruining your first child's life (you're not...DS barely remembers those times). I TOTALLY get it, and I'm just so sorry others have to go through it to, but you are not alone.
First, get out! Take a break from yourself. Find some one to watch your kids for a little bit. Go to Target or Starbucks or drive around in the car with the windows up. Take a shower where you aren't listening to her screaming and such. Also, do something with your 3 year old next. It felt so good to get out with just my son and have fun with him.
As PPs mentioned, it does sound like there is something causing your LO discomfort. It is probably being intensified with being overly tired. For us, Neocate was the absolute answer. Completely new baby. DD is so laid back and smilely. How long did you try the Neocate? For us, it got worse before it got better. Her reflux became worse than it ever was and that was causing her a lot of pain. We finally thickened it just a bit with rice. It took about 2 weeks but it was literally like having a different baby. She barely cries now. I understand that Neocate might not be your answer, but be an advocate for yourself and your baby and push the issue. Its more than colic, IMO, if its all day and nothing comforts her ever.
Good luck and please feel free to PM me if needed!
You've gotten great advice. Another white noise to try is the shower! You can even steam up the bathroom a bit (not too hot!) & see if the steam helps. For some reason my friends kid could not go to sleep without a "steam treatment" . It worked for her.
Also, sometimes DD is over anxious if I am frustrated. I know it must be so so so aggravating sometimes. However, call in some reinforcements! Do you have a friend/Family member/church person etc. that you can call in the moment as your life line?
If you really have to set her in her crib (she is safe there) & take a moment for yourself to collect yourself. She will cry-- that is ok. Call someone & let them know how you are feeling. You are not a bad mom for getting someone to soothe you. You are human.
One last thing-- if she has reflux, maybe a little tums dissolved in water? I recommend asking your doctor. I am shooting in the dark but the meds they give you are supposed to prevent the heartburn but if they don't work she is still in pain? Maybe a tums solution & a half dose of tylenol??
To anyone that thinks I am a fan of meds etc: I barely give DD any meds period, but this might sound like a situation where addressing the immediate cause (tums) & then any secondary pain may be worth it. I am only suggesting it because this woman is desperate. Note: I said for her to ask the doctor before trying it!
I hope you find some relief for baby & yourself. That sounds so tough. I start feeling worn after one hour of DD crying on her worst day. Sending you lots of love, mama. Please update us!
When do you attempt the first nap? What time is she waking for the day?
After waking in the morning from her last night stretch start looking at the clock. For her age, I'd say 1 hr. 15 min to 1 hr 30 min begin to soothe her for a nap. Make a routine and stick to it. Your goal is to catch her before she's over tired. The first am nap is the easiest. Do the same thing for the routine every single time. Try putting her in her crib a tiny bit awake and walk out. If she's not over tired and on the brink of sleep, it should work. Timing is EVERYTHING! Then don't give up. The second and third naps are always harder as the day goes on. You will have to be very vigilant and do this everyday.
Good luck.
I think this is the problem...NOTHING they say to do works. Baby Whisperer, HSHHC, nada. I've tried putting her down at an hour, an hour 15 min, an hour and a half, even 2+ hours and even 45 minutes! And the first nap in the am is the HARDEST. Always has been. And part of my issue with HSHHC is that my daughter doesn't "soothe". Nothing I do works. She'll scream till she chokes on her own spit right there in my arms.
Today, she was getting cranky so I decided to try & give her the paci while I was still downstairs doing things. So I sat at the computer holding her & gave her the paci while I shopped for easter toys online. Her eyes started to close & she started turning toward my chest, so I quietly walked her up to her room while her eyes were sleepy & half-closing but she was still awake. I laid her down, kept my hand on her chest for a minute, and left. Within a minute she was SCREAMING (she was still awake when I left) and I spent 20 minutes in her room trying to calm her down. She was screaming hysterically no matter what I did. WHEN she takes the paci, she'll suck on it a minute, then both hands grab it & pull it out, but then if she's too upset she won't even try to get her thumb (which she prefers over the paci). I try to hold her hands, and she'll pull my hands to her mouth & push really hard against the paci with them. Her body stiffens, she kicks & flails her arms. It's like a full-on temper tantrum from a 3 month old. She didn't calm until I took her out of the room & back downstairs.
What am I supposed to do with THAT?
What about letting her nap in your lap with you? It sounds like she wants to be close (turns towards your chest). See if she will at least get a good 30 minutes there with you. If its the choice between no sleep and sleep-- try to see if it would work.
I don't know. You might just have to ride it out. I'm so sorry.
This is what I was going to suggest. DS will only nap on me no matter how sleepy he is when I put him down. My pedi said it was pretty normal at this age. I know that is hard to do with another kid though.
It could definitely be tummy issues. It could also be consistency in methods you are using. But I understand that it's hard to be consistent when she's all over the place.
I'd just spend the next couple of weeks trying to do anything that will soothe her. Slings, motion, putting her in a bouncy seat and putting it on the washing machine on the spin cycle (of course while being there with her, this worked for small amounts of time with our LO in the first few months), gripe water, gas drops, holding, rocking to sleep.
She's still young. Could be colic. In HSBHC I'm sure you've read that all that matters with colicky babies is consistency in soothing. Or constant soothing as I took it to mean. I guess because you want to get them as calm as possible all the time because once they outgrow the colic, if they have been soothed and calmed as much as humanly possible, it will help them to move on to develop good sleeping habits.
Good luck.
Is the house really warm? We have to keep the room where he is in at around 75 degrees for now.
In the beginning ours screamed and we found out we had to feed him literally every hour and then he was alright. He was shrieking for food. Now he eats 8 oz. plus, and sometimes at 8 oz. he will shriek for more until his belly is full. He's 3 months, 2 days and 10 lbs. 15 oz.