TTC #2 with a High Need LO #1 — The Bump
Attachment Parenting

TTC #2 with a High Need LO #1

We are going back and forth about TTC #2 and I am just struggling with when would be best to try.

It took us a long time to get KU and I always thought we would try after LO #1 was 1 year old.

 

She is still nursing and pretty much a mama's girl though she is getting better she doesn't go to DH well still and I have to do to nap/bedtime.

We are working on getting her used to others putting her down for nap/bedtime and she does it at PT D/C but still.

I am thinking when she is closer to 3 she might be a little more accepting of a sibling rather than closer to 2.

Thoughts? 



 6/09 right tube loss (fallopian torsion) 12/09 BFP #1 (DD born 9/10)
8/12 dx Lupus (ANA+/APA-), 12/12 BFP #2  natural m/c 6w 2d 
TTC#2  since 9/12  50mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #1 Beta 10/4=BFN
                             50mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #2 Beta 11/1= BFN
                                  100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #3 Beta 12/26=BFFN
100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #4 Beta 2/14= BFFN
Took a LONG Break
Lots of Luck and Love BFPB for life KOFMKG

Re: TTC #2 with a High Need LO #1

  • I have a very high needs #1 and am pregnant with #2.  The age gap will be almost 2 years. 

    I always wanted #1 and #2 spaced about 2 years so that's what we shot for.  I figured that I didn't know how long it could take to get pregnant and I couldn't let my worries about LO get to me because I really don't know how her personality will be at 2yr, 2 1/2yrs, 3yrs, etc. 

    I'm not gonna lie--I scared out of my mind right now trying to imagine life with a high needs toddler and a newborn (who can't possibly be high needs, right? Right?!) but I'm also really excited to have the two close in age.  

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  • imageskyejo:

    I have a very high needs #1 and am pregnant with #2.  The age gap will be almost 2 years. 

    I always wanted #1 and #2 spaced about 2 years so that's what we shot for.  I figured that I didn't know how long it could take to get pregnant and I couldn't let my worries about LO get to me because I really don't know how her personality will be at 2yr, 2 1/2yrs, 3yrs, etc. 

    I'm not gonna lie--I scared out of my mind right now trying to imagine life with a high needs toddler and a newborn (who can't possibly be high needs, right? Right?!) but I'm also really excited to have the two close in age.  

    First congrats!

    Yea I agree with your logic! However, I hope that #2 is NOT HN and that LO#1 goes with the flow. I think a sibling would be good for her. And if nothing else, I know what a HN newborn/toddler is like. I probably wouldn't change what I did with DD#1 if LO #2 was the same HN but I would be prepared!  I have heard that not all children are HN so that is what I am hoping!

    I think I am going to shoot for 2 1/2-3 spacing and hope for the best but plan for LO#2 to be the same HN (can't put her down, nursing all the time, non-STTN/napping, high energy and independent baby!)

    Good luck mama! 



     6/09 right tube loss (fallopian torsion) 12/09 BFP #1 (DD born 9/10)
    8/12 dx Lupus (ANA+/APA-), 12/12 BFP #2  natural m/c 6w 2d 
    TTC#2  since 9/12  50mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #1 Beta 10/4=BFN
                                 50mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #2 Beta 11/1= BFN
                                      100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #3 Beta 12/26=BFFN
    100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #4 Beta 2/14= BFFN
    Took a LONG Break
    Lots of Luck and Love BFPB for life KOFMKG
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  • I have a high needs 8 month old and I am currently 6 months pregnant.  Yeah.  I am also scared out of my mind, BUT I think that conceiveing #2 is always a scary thing, especially when you have a high needs #1.  DD is also still nursing and I don't see an end in sight, so I'm probably looking at tandem nursing down the road.  We just recently got her to sleep in the crib so that 's  one less thing to worry about.  If you want another and there's nothing else stopping you except your fear of taking care of a high needs child and a newborn, I say just close your eyes and do it!

    DD born 6.13.11 at 37w5d

    DS born 5.23.12 at 36w5d

    BFP 6.9.13|heartbeat of 128bpm 7weeks|7.23.13 ultrasound revealed no heartbeat|natural m/c and d&c 7.25.13

    DS born 5.20.14 at 38 weeks

    All are welcome

    image

  • imageSnowflakeBride06:
    imageskyejo:

    I have a very high needs #1 and am pregnant with #2.  The age gap will be almost 2 years. 

    I always wanted #1 and #2 spaced about 2 years so that's what we shot for.  I figured that I didn't know how long it could take to get pregnant and I couldn't let my worries about LO get to me because I really don't know how her personality will be at 2yr, 2 1/2yrs, 3yrs, etc. 

    I'm not gonna lie--I scared out of my mind right now trying to imagine life with a high needs toddler and a newborn (who can't possibly be high needs, right? Right?!) but I'm also really excited to have the two close in age.  

    First congrats!

    Yea I agree with your logic! However, I hope that #2 is NOT HN and that LO#1 goes with the flow. I think a sibling would be good for her. And if nothing else, I know what a HN newborn/toddler is like. I probably wouldn't change what I did with DD#1 if LO #2 was the same HN but I would be prepared!  I have heard that not all children are HN so that is what I am hoping!

    I think I am going to shoot for 2 1/2-3 spacing and hope for the best but plan for LO#2 to be the same HN (can't put her down, nursing all the time, non-STTN/napping, high energy and independent baby!)

    Good luck mama! 

    Thanks :)

    I'm prepared for another HN baby too.  It's all that I know so I have a hard time picturing this baby being different from LO. I don't think I'll know what to do with myself if #2 isn't HN haha.  If only LO will decide to start STTN before this one arrives...that might make things a tad easier!

    Good luck when you TTC! I'm sure we'll both figure it out since we'll have no other options but to do just that :)

  • imageskyejo:
    imageSnowflakeBride06:
    imageskyejo:

    I have a very high needs #1 and am pregnant with #2.  The age gap will be almost 2 years. 

    I always wanted #1 and #2 spaced about 2 years so that's what we shot for.  I figured that I didn't know how long it could take to get pregnant and I couldn't let my worries about LO get to me because I really don't know how her personality will be at 2yr, 2 1/2yrs, 3yrs, etc. 

    I'm not gonna lie--I scared out of my mind right now trying to imagine life with a high needs toddler and a newborn (who can't possibly be high needs, right? Right?!) but I'm also really excited to have the two close in age.  

    First congrats!

    Yea I agree with your logic! However, I hope that #2 is NOT HN and that LO#1 goes with the flow. I think a sibling would be good for her. And if nothing else, I know what a HN newborn/toddler is like. I probably wouldn't change what I did with DD#1 if LO #2 was the same HN but I would be prepared!  I have heard that not all children are HN so that is what I am hoping!

    I think I am going to shoot for 2 1/2-3 spacing and hope for the best but plan for LO#2 to be the same HN (can't put her down, nursing all the time, non-STTN/napping, high energy and independent baby!)

    Good luck mama! 

    Thanks :)

    I'm prepared for another HN baby too.  It's all that I know so I have a hard time picturing this baby being different from LO. I don't think I'll know what to do with myself if #2 isn't HN haha.  If only LO will decide to start STTN before this one arrives...that might make things a tad easier!

    Good luck when you TTC! I'm sure we'll both figure it out since we'll have no other options but to do just that :)

    Exactly! Your DD is adorable BTW. There is a mom on my BMB board that's 1st Lo was HN and her second was very laid back so fingers crossed for all of us!! 



     6/09 right tube loss (fallopian torsion) 12/09 BFP #1 (DD born 9/10)
    8/12 dx Lupus (ANA+/APA-), 12/12 BFP #2  natural m/c 6w 2d 
    TTC#2  since 9/12  50mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #1 Beta 10/4=BFN
                                 50mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #2 Beta 11/1= BFN
                                      100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #3 Beta 12/26=BFFN
    100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel IUI #4 Beta 2/14= BFFN
    Took a LONG Break
    Lots of Luck and Love BFPB for life KOFMKG
  • imageSnowflakeBride06:
    imageskyejo:
    imageSnowflakeBride06:
    imageskyejo:

    I have a very high needs #1 and am pregnant with #2.  The age gap will be almost 2 years. 

    I always wanted #1 and #2 spaced about 2 years so that's what we shot for.  I figured that I didn't know how long it could take to get pregnant and I couldn't let my worries about LO get to me because I really don't know how her personality will be at 2yr, 2 1/2yrs, 3yrs, etc. 

    I'm not gonna lie--I scared out of my mind right now trying to imagine life with a high needs toddler and a newborn (who can't possibly be high needs, right? Right?!) but I'm also really excited to have the two close in age.  

    First congrats!

    Yea I agree with your logic! However, I hope that #2 is NOT HN and that LO#1 goes with the flow. I think a sibling would be good for her. And if nothing else, I know what a HN newborn/toddler is like. I probably wouldn't change what I did with DD#1 if LO #2 was the same HN but I would be prepared!  I have heard that not all children are HN so that is what I am hoping!

    I think I am going to shoot for 2 1/2-3 spacing and hope for the best but plan for LO#2 to be the same HN (can't put her down, nursing all the time, non-STTN/napping, high energy and independent baby!)

    Good luck mama! 

    Thanks :)

    I'm prepared for another HN baby too.  It's all that I know so I have a hard time picturing this baby being different from LO. I don't think I'll know what to do with myself if #2 isn't HN haha.  If only LO will decide to start STTN before this one arrives...that might make things a tad easier!

    Good luck when you TTC! I'm sure we'll both figure it out since we'll have no other options but to do just that :)

    Exactly! Your DD is adorable BTW. There is a mom on my BMB board that's 1st Lo was HN and her second was very laid back so fingers crossed for all of us!! 

    Awww, thanks! That's another feature of HN's babies--they have to be cute :) It helps you get through the sleepless nights.  I like this BMB poster--there is hope for us!

  • I originally wanted ours 2 years apart, but between Ari being high needs, having reflux & food allergies, and me having PPD/PPA, I just wasn't ready. We decided to start trying last summer & it took 6 months for us to get pregnant, so Ari will be 3 yrs 3 mos when this one arrives. 

    I'm glad we waited. My sister & I have a similar age gap & are very tight. Of course, I'm very close with my brother (8 years apart) & my younger sister (16 years apart) too. I think 3 years was a good balance between close in age & saving my sanity.  

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Our son was/is very high needs and based in part on that as well as just our own preference I originally planned to TTC such that they'd be no closer than 3 years apart. Then we had a surprise pregnancy (surprise because we had multiple infertility diagnoses and had only ever conceived via IVF before) and ours are almost exactly 2 years apart. It has had it's challenges but I wouldn't change anything.

    DS still doesn't go to sleep on his own, but when pregnant we transitioned him to a full size bed so we could lay with him at night and as he's gotten older we don't have to stay as long with him, he sleeps in his own room longer before coming to ours, etc. We just gave up on trying to get him in his room all night, he's less disruptive when we let him in our bed. He also doesn't really nap anymore which is one less thing to deal with (although he will sometimes do quiet time in his room for 10-15 minutes). He cried and has/had jealousy issues about me dealing with the baby some but she is way more laid back than he was (and fingers crossed your #2 would be too) which has helped. I remember how shocked I was when she let me put her down for a long time at a few days old. He wanted to be held constantly until close to a year old.

    Best of luck and whatever happens it will work out!

    *** It's funny because I'm fat ***
  • I have an almost 4 year gap between kids and it's about as good as it gets. DD adores DS and is such a great help! She is old enough to get her own glass of water or grab a snack by herself. She also can "watch" him for a few minutes so I can go potty by myself. Also, she can go potty all by herself, which is huge with two kids. She's past the tantrum phase so I never have to worry about how to carry two screaming children. She also goes to preschool so on ML I only had to care for one baby. It was pretty sweet. If we decide to have another kid we will space it out again.
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  • We were planning on TTC #2 when DD was about a year old, but since DD was pretty high needs, we actually put TTC on hold for a while.  When she was a bit past two, we decided that she was calming down enough that we could start trying.  I got pregnant the first month that we tried, so we are expecting another baby just before DD turns three.  We are pretty happy with that age gap, but even more happy with how much more even keeled DD seems to be getting.  There was a magical transformation between 2 years 2 months and 2 1/2 for DD...Life is so much easier these days!

     

  • For us DS #1 is very high needs, but we got a little lucky by being crazy enough to get pregnant at 7 months and have boys 15 months apart so I thought he was going to outgrow it when I was pregnant.  Having been through it there is no way in hell I would purposely bring a child into a family with a high needs 3 year old.  3 is the hardest age there is, the only people who think it's 2 are people who haven't had a 3 year oldBig Smile.Personally I think that around 2.5 / 3.5 or older are the best gaps.

     

    jendawn80
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