Need's some serious advice.
I'm hoping this is the right board, and maybe some of you ladies can offer some advice from experience. My daughters father and I were never married, but had been together for over 3 years. I left him about the middle of January, and things have been pretty ugly. He is so emotionally abusive, its scary. I won't write out everything, but just know that I was locked in bedrooms, told to "obey", called lazy, worthless, a bad mother, etc. This is few among many. To fast forward, he's now on this crazy stint where he's trying to get full custody of her. Here are some details
-he lives over an hour away in another county.
-i have an order of protection against him, which he has violated and police reports have been filed
-he has admitted in writing to "losing complete control and trying to hit me". also, "not being able to take care of her, and being mentally unstable"
-he rented out the two bedrooms of his home to complete strangers he met on CL, telling them they could "do whatever they want, as long as it does no damage to their rooms." He wants our daughter to come live with him in a home with total and complete strangers from the internet. um, no.
-he has admitted to wanting to kill himself numerous times and having a sex addiction.
-I have been her sole caregiver from day 1, he has worked 2 jobs and was barely home.
The thing is, he has now filed for custody on the claims that I have abused our daughter, am mentally unstable, have no job, no income, etc.
keep in mind, I was a SAHM for 2 years, and just now am on my own for the first time since she was born. I have actually just secured a job (thank God!) and I'm working towards bettering myself. I DO NOT abuse our daughter, have never hit her, yelled at her, or anything else he claims.
She is 17 months old and he wants her for over nights. When we left he took apart her entire room and put everything outside, completely displacing both her and I. I am just worried about his complete lies of child abuse.
Has anyone dealt with this? I really need a lawyer, but I cannot afford one and the pro bonos in the county aren't taking any new cases.
Any help or advice on if he will get her?
Re: Need's some serious advice.
None of us here on the Bump can tell you what will happen in your case. We don't know how the judges in your county or how they rule, etc. That is why you are likely to need a lawyer.
But before you do that, take a deep breath. It is highly unusual for fathers to get full custody. If he is threatening to try to get full custody, don't listen to him. He hasn't a clue what he is talking about. He is trying to get you riled up - don't let him. He is talking out of his @ss.
Your next step is to file for child support. Expect that he is likely to come back with a custody request. He is going to figure that he can pay less $$ if he has her more often. Now, you might be tempted to not file for child support in order to not deal with him, but that is cheating your daughter out of money she deserves. Plus, if you lose your job or get disabled, you will need that money to care for your daughter.
Right now, DOCUMENT everything he says or does. Print out ever email and text. When he calls you, try to avoid phone conversations. You want him to have to write things out or leave angry, nasty phone messages. He is going to be stupid and abusive, so let him hang himself. Don't just cherrypick the juicy ones, print out everything so that you can show the entire pattern of communication between you. If you can see his Facebook page, make screen shots so if he is stupid enough to talk about drug use or partying, you can have proof. Also, monitor the pages of his roommates. If you need to show that there are drugs in the house, you will need objective proof.
Always be calm and dispassionate when you communicate with him. Even if you want to call him every name in the book, don't. Even when he writes antagonizing stuff or spreads malicious rumors about you, do not take his bait.
Have copies of your Order of Protection and all police reports. Have copies of any pictures taken of your injuries.
Keep a paper calendar of visitations. Record when you offer visitation, note it. If he refuses, note it. If he takes it, note it. If he shows up late, note it. Again, just state the facts. His pattern of behavior will reveal itself over time.
If he files for a custody agreement, he is likely to get visitation, but you can ask for supervised visits.