thinking of stepping down

cherrycobbler

So I had a meeting with my two supervisors a week ago and it was brought up that they thought I wasn't doing as good a job as they thought I should be doing.  Mind you, I have had this position for more than five years and I don't really see how my leadership has changed.  In a way, I was really ticked off in the meeting and wanted to scream and say "f*** you! I'm outta here!", but I'm glad I had enough wits about me to keep my cool and said I would think about it.  I'm lucky that I get paid pretty well for what I do, and we have fantastic benefits.  I would not get a pay cut, so that is good.  I just feel like since Robin passed, I don't care about much of anything, especially the mundane crap at work that I never really cared about anyway.  If I do step down, I would just be another worker bee, not much responsibility, but maybe that is what I need.  I guess I'm not looking for advice, just needed to ramble on.  Anyone else not really care about their job anymore?  How did you handle it?

fluttergirlmoonchild79

Good for you for being able to keep your composure. I don't think I'd be able to do that. I don't care about my job anymore but then again I haven't cared about my job in years.  I'm a hard worker but hard worker is never rewarded in our company in any way shape or form.  Before Corbin was born I was actually trying to become a CPA (I'm a legal assistant right now).  Now I don't know if my heart is in to becoming a CPA.  I'm trying desperately to figure out what I want to do with my life now.  I just know I don't want to stay at my current job but until I figure it out, I'm going to stay and just do my job to the best of my ability for the day.

johnnys june

Only you and your DH can make this decision -- however, from my experience, when it came to work...I needed a "challenge" so I took a step up.  After a few months (mainly when the numbness wore off), I found I need something more "stable."  I still needed a challenge, but I needed something with less responsibility (i.e. leadership).  Like you, I just didn't "care" as much and couldn't stand the fickleness of the people around me.  I ended up getting a position that moved me parallel.  It was step down from a supervisor role to an admin role, but it was a parellel move in pay grade (and I actually ended up getting a pay raise since it was a different department!).  I couldn't be happier -- ok, I could...if I was a stay at home wife/mother, but with my career and life where it is, this suits me so much better.  I would not have lasted long in the other position without 1. quitting or 2. letting some steam loose unintentionally.

Good luck with your decision!

niknak1128

Ooh been there!!  I came back 3 weeks after Brooke was born.  It was horrible.  I came back 4 hours/day for a week and then full time after that. I literally could not handle anything. I mean I kept my composure and I appaered ok but I had zero motivation and I really didn't care about anything. ALl I wanted to do was go home.  I wanted to be home in my safe little bubble where everything hurt just a little bit less. Part of it was that my water broke when I was at work and I just couldn't handle being in this building. Part of it was that I just had different priorities and I couldn't handle watching everyone else laugh and go on with life when I was hurting so much and felt so stuck.  It took me a long time to be ok at work. I had many days where I shut my office door just because I was so near tears all the time.

I didn't get offered a step down position but probably two weeks after I was back at work.. my supervisor came to me and said she'd been receiving a lot of calls about my work being past deadline and not up to par.. mostly past deadline etc.  And she wasn't upset.. she's a really nice person but I felt like seriously?  seriously it's like 5 weeks after I lost my baby and you think I'm supposed to be at my stellar performance?  I mean I couldn't help it.. I had no energy to even care and I was near getting in trouble.  I was not happy.  So I went to talk to our director about it and she said that yes there were calls but that I was not in trouble for any of it etc. So for about a month I had the stress of all that over my head.. on top of not caring. 

We have some nurse case managers here that I work for and I swear they saved me. They would come to me all the time and close my office door and say listen.. go talk to someone .. don't get mad.. don't do something you'll regret.. lets just talk for a minute.. cool down. Because I was sooo ready to walk out. 

 It does get better..  hang in there.

pottermommy

Uhm when Kam died...I quit  I just couldn't do it.  Now I am not telling you to quit it sounds like you have a pretty good plan of action for what is best for you and your family. 

I just couldn't walk back in there.  It was terrible.  I then had a prayer that I didn't even realise I had prayed answered and ended up with the perfect job for me and my family.

Long story short if you know that what you need is less stress and less responsibility than do it.  You know yourself, and you know what is best for you and your family.

Carolee

No real advice from me, just (((HUGS))).

littlepenguin2012

I don't have any advice for you, but wanted to say I support you 100% whatever is best for you.

StephK86

I am with you. I find that I can not focus or give a crap about my work anymore. It is very hard to listen to my coworkers carry on about such trivial things when I have a dead son. It takes a lot for me not to scream at some of them. I am not a manager but my mother is. She is the manager at my work (medical billing) in fact. We aren't a huge company but she is all by herself up there. We do have a lot of clients though. Since my son has passed she has talked about stepping down a lot. Our owner would cut her pay though. She is having a hard time just like I am and finds the responsibilities of her job to be too much.

Do whatever will make you the happiest. If your job is causing way too much stress and it's hard to deal with people's problems then maybe you should step down? That is really up to you to decide. I totally understand why you would not want to be in that position though. Good luck on you decision whatever it may be.

ally2011

I COULD HAVE WRITTEN THIS!  Sorry to yell, but it is the truth.

I am supposed to be home with a newborn right now (I was quitting when Grace came).  Getting back into caring about work has been extremely difficult.

On another front though, I did actually have to step down from a leadership role with a ministry I was co-leading.  I tried to stay with it and really used it as coping.  I was not able to keep up with the workload for it, felt very frustrated for no reason many times, and just had no mental focus.  Stepping down was the best thing I have ever done.  In some ways I wished I had sooner, but then I think the timing was right just the way it was.  Having that load off has been amazing and I don't think I realized how much stress I was feeling from that responsibility.  It was very difficult to do, and there were lots of tears.

In the end though, I need the time to grieve, think about the future, and for me personally, to spend some more one-on-one time with God and be less focused on trying to "do do do" all the time.  I know that does not apply to a work decision, but it has been an added benefit for me in my situation.

Anyway, I totally, totally, totally get where you are coming from.  Good luck in figuring out what to do.  But remember to not be hard on yourself, you lost a child.  It is 100% understandable that you would not be your usual self right now....the whole first year is hard and full of unforeseen hills and valleys.

Hugs,
Jenn 

pb127

Wow, you have a lot of self-control!! I would have probably said something I'd regret later.

I also felt like I didn't care about my job/degree any more and was ready to give it up. I barely got any work done over the summer and fall, and I'm shocked my adviser didn't say something to me. Somewhere in the last several weeks (following a long vacation- that might have helped!), I found my drive again and am being super-productive again.  Maybe it takes time or something, I'm not sure... but I hope you find whatever you need to feel better and to do "right" for yourself.  I'm cheering you on every step of the way!

eroplane

I agree with the pp's. Before I lost the twins I was active in several committees and teams at the hospital and was planning on completing my masters. Now I could care less. I am snappy towards patients and co-workers. Everything just seems so trivial and pointless. I just don't care anymore.