Irrational thoughts (or maybe not?)

MickeyM04

I've been so down in the dumps the past couple of days about our house search...based on what we can afford our options are SO limited and then of course it's hard to fall in love with the houses that we can afford.  So I've been very cranky/negative/"this sucks" for the past few days, and then I get so incredibly angry with myself for not just being grateful that I'm pregnant with a healthy LO.  While I was b*tching about houses, DH had to remind me:  "What's your number one concern right now?"  And I said, "Taking home a healthy baby in May."  And he said something along the lines of, "Then don't worry so much about what kind of house we're going to end up in."  And it kind of hit me like, OMG, I'm being so petty and trivial worrying about how nice of a house we'll end up in when I'm so lucky to be pregnant right now. 

And so now I'm worrying if the universe, to teach me a lesson, will throw me some sort of "bad hand" or what have you with regard to the pregnancy...like a day where I can't feel any movement and I have to run to the doctor to make sure everything is OK...pre term labor...or G-d forbid, something worse that I can't even bear to type. 

Does anyone else ever feel this way?  Like when you're complaining or upset about something that in the grand scheme of things is not a big deal, you worry about kharmic retribution or whathaveyou coming back to bite you in the butt?  Argh...

hopefulmom81

Well, first of all, the house search is INCREDIBLY stressful. I don't know many people that don't get down in the dumps when they are trying to find a home for their family and it isn't working out right.  Don't be too hard on yourself for feeling just how anyone else would (I was a nightmare during our house search 2 years ago).

 The second part of your post is pretty much how I operate on a daily basis.  I am convinced something bad is going to happen because I am obsessing that something bad is going to happen---kind of like I caused it with my negative energy.

Again, be gentle with yourself, the house search sucks at times, and it is okay to have normal reactions and feelings,  but you are right, the number 1 concern is taking home that baby in May.

 

chusum

I hate house searching! It sucks. So not to worry, you can b**ch about it. While I occasionally have the "well at least I'm pregnant moments" a house is a huge investment and you want something you can make a home for with your LO and husband.

I have a friend who had her babies at 24 weeks. They are now two, and she has a saying that always bothers her. Whenever something happens to her twins doctors say to her, "Well at least they are alive", and she says, "I get it, they are alive, let's make sure they have a good life now." Just cause you have a healthy pregnancy doesn't mean you can't think about things (and want things) that will make your life even better. 

LottaLattes

I do in a different way.  I've been kind of struggling with my 10yo lately who is JUST as hormonal as me I think.  And after I shout at him or lose my temper, I always feel bad (and way worse pregnant, and no matter how much you think you'll never get angry with your kids, you win an award if you don't).  But then I think of a friend of mine whose good friend is losing her 8yo to leukemia and then I start feeling like if I'm being this ungrateful of having a healthy kid, then I'm going to "cause" something bad to happen to him.  Of course I know this is irrational, but I would definitely feel a lot of guilt if something did happen to any of my kids. 

Anyhow, don't get yourself too worried, it *is* very irrational, being ungrateful won't cause something to go wrong.  *HUGS*

MickeyM04

Thanks ladies; your kind words help a lot. 

BarooGirl

Just wanted to give you ((big hugs)).

PGAL brain stinks. I find myself thinking the same type of things.

RedRose84

House hunting is incredibly frustrating and hard.  I remember looking for a house a few years ago and it was awful.  Then once we moved in, fixing it up was even worse!  I'm sorry you have to be going through that right now, you will find a house that works for you!  We live in a beautiful city and live right near the beach, but our house is a tiny 2 bedroom 1 bath.  We were willing to go small in order to live in the area.  I didn't realize I would have to compromise when house hunting, but you really do.  You will find something. :]

I was just thinking that I was going to be punished for complaining about my morning sickness to DH.  I've just felt so crappy lately, and then I thought I hope something bad doesn't happen because I'm complaining, I really am so happy and blessed for what I have right now.  So, I can totally relate to your thinking. Your frustrations are all normal and we are allowed to have bad moments and feel bad, that doesn't mean we deserve to have something bad happen to us.

Good luck with the rest of the house hunting!