Just a vent about teenagers....
Ilumine
member
Just a vent at teenager brain
So yesterday, SS made a very brief comment about leaving early to get fruit for school. Nothing more, nothing less...just that he had to "leave by 7:21 or he would miss the bus and the bus only waits for Suzanne."
To be honest, I didnt think much of this OTHER THAN his normal kvetching about how since the bus driver will wait for Suzanne, but not him, that the driver must hate him. And the thing is, its probably true - not that the driver HATES SS, but that Suzanne goes out of her way to be polite, nice and will even give the driver cookies at the holidays.
This is a normal kvetch that I no longer discuss with SS becuase he refuses to see the reality of the situation.
SO fast forward to this morning as I am rushing to get dressed and out the door for my once a month (totally remided both SS and DH about the night before) meeting. He opens the bathroom door without knocking and demands
SS - "Where did you leave my money, I am running late."
Me - "what money?"
SS - "the money for class?"
Me - "SS, you didnt tell us you needed money you just mentioned that you needed to leave by 7:21.
SS - "well its not like I have euro sitting around...of course I need money."
Me - "again, you didn't actually ask for money. I have some change in the change jar. Check it."
SS - "what about dad?"
Me - "what about him? He is already gone."
SS - "I said something last night." <he is now downstair rummaging through the change jar> "There isnt enough. If I dont have 10 euros its not worth it".
Me - "Well SS, then you need to come to us earlier....<cut off>
SS - "I said somethign last night"
ME - "Here's the thing SS, even if you HAD ACTUALLY ASKED FOR MONEY, less then 24 hours notice is not enough. Do you honestly think that your father would have gone to base to get you euro at 7pm on a Sunday night? Because I know that I would not have done it. YOU need to be more proactive."
SS - "Im calling Dad"
Me - "Go right ahead"
SS <now on the phone with his father - runs thorugh the whole thing - me not sure what he thinks is gonna happen...then he says this>
SS to DH - "I need the money for class or I will get an F on the assignment. (something he had not said to me earlier NOR would I really care) and she wont bring me to the Rewe (the german grocery store) to get my fruit (he did not ask me to do it and I would never in a million years offer).
no idea what DH said, but it wasnt what SS wanted to hear. I get Monkey dressed and head out the door.
Me - "Have a good day"
SS - "I bet you ownt be home after school either (he never brings his key and is continually getting locked out...not my fault and I really dont care. He locked himself out 2 days in a row and to this day refuses to take responsibility for his not brining his key wiht him).
ME - "probably not."
This is why you do not baby your kids. This is why you allow them to feel the natural consequences of their bad actions when they are younger...so those consequences arent so "dire" as they are when you are an adult. This is a perfect example of what happens when you enable your kids.
Re: Just a vent about teenagers....
This goes BEYOND "teenager". I have always felt my SS and your SS were long lost twins. He's playing mind games and makes it a point to displace responsibility on you. Especially you. It's a set up - I commend you for sticking it out so long.
Outside of the fact that we had him tested by three different psychiatrists, to include the State's leading neuro-spychiatrist, he can totally focus on the things that he wants. It's just things that are work/school related that get lost
Ditto this and j+k, "It sounds a little more extreme than enabling. Did she put him on a super high pedestal as the most wonderful child ever? He also sounds incredibly insecure."
This is a lot about enabling and doing everything for him that both his Mother did and his father enabled all these years by backing down when he knew there was a huge problem. Don't know how you have not put your head through a wall yet.
When are you moving and is he definitely coming with you?
Oh Jenn, he is coming with. Given his response was in no way cranky, pissy, or anything but normal teenager angst, we have made progress.
This is not a "my SS is an out of control PITA" post, but a "teenagers will try your patience if you dont nip the behavior in the bud early" post.
THe positive here is in the past,DH would have actually asked me to facilitate SS's needs. He is no longer doing that. I am HOPING that he is doing it because it is the right thing to do and NOT BECAUSE he knows that if he presses me I am out of here.
Either way, SS had to take the lower grade on the presentation. Hopefully he will learn from it.
That is progress and I noted that your DH did not jump to blame you.