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Single Parents
Did I Really Just Do That?!?
Someone posting one time about the disaster that they experienced when they started dating before they were really ready. Wow...so I started dating about two months ago and came to the realization that I wanted something serious and he didn't. So we agreed to put a little distance between us and be friends and maybe in a few months when he feels more recovered from his messy divorce we could try again. So, now we are friends and somehow I decided it would be appropriate to go into a crazy long rant about my ex and how much damage he's done to me. Ugh really! Then he mentioned something about how she accused his of abusing her and over time has accused several people. I decide to go into a looong analysis of him and his ex and how I read that 95% of abuse allegations by a woman of a man are based in truth. Keep in mind this is one of the nicest, most polite, honest and open person in what I've seen in the two months I've known him. I guess it's possible but I have zero, really zero, reason to believe his ex is telling any kind of truth. He sent me an email pretty much defending himself but still very polite and honest. Wow, I feel like a douche and totally overreacted. I told him I was sorry but I'm thinking he's probably ready to be done with this crazy girl. I've only been single since September and think I really rushed things, especially pretty much insisting on a serious relationship. So embarrassed....
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Re: Did I Really Just Do That?!?
That might have been me. I fell apart when I got home from my first date after breaking up with my partner of 4years. We broke up in October, and I started dating again in July. It was too soon...and I ended up with one of those "nicest, most polite people. He wasn't so nice to the women he dated.
So, don't feel embarrassed...you may have over reacted, but your reaction is based on logic. And, you've only known him for 2 months. I knew mine for THREE YEARS. He was one of my closest friends. He had us snowed. We hated his ex wife. She was so mean and horrible to him. Now, I'm thinking differently, and our friends are starting to see it, too. I had no idea what a controlling, manipulative, lying, emotionally abusive donkey he was. An abuser often presents themselves one way to friends and colleagues and another to their victim. This is how they get victims. Most women wouldn't date a guy who acted like that. So, they lure them in...and then...it slowly changes.
I would step back. If you're religious, I'd look into a singles group at church. Better yet, see if you can fins a single PARENTS church group. I'm a gamer, and I found comfort in my "clan". Take some ME time. Talk to a counselor. We can all benefit from a little counseling. Remember, when you think you're ready to date, step back, and wait another 6 months.
I actually would be worried about anybody with allegations of abuse in their past, although of course there's a chance the girl really did make it all up. But I always think it's suspicious that a man would stay in a relationship with the type of crazy girl who would make up that kind of thing, you know? What does that relationship in his past say about him??
That being said, If he really is as nice as you say he is, he should forgive you for being candid about your feelings.
Excellent point. I wish I'd thought of that before dating JF. But, I'm getting something awesome out of it, right?