Shower Advice — The Bump
Baby Showers

Shower Advice

Good morning!  I am hoping you can help me with a problem I am having.

My mother offered to throw my shower right when I found out I was pregnant.  I was very excited and said yes.  I asked her if it would be ok if my SIL helped, if she offered, and my mom said yes.  My SIL did offer to throw me a shower, and now the two of them are going to work together.

My SIL was apparently talking to her mother recently (my MIL) and told her about the shower.  My MIL never asked to be involved in my last shower (bridal shower) and I guess regretted it.  My SIL encouraged her to contact me if she wanted to help.

So, yesterday my MIL calls me and tells me she wants to throw a shower for me and invite her family.  Most of her family lives about an hour away, and it would be more convenient for them if the shower were down there. 

I want my MIL to feel included, but I really only want one shower.  It's not really an option to have my mom and my MIL work together.  My mom wants to have my shower at a restaurant, she is a huge party planner, and a perfectionist.  My MIL thinks a restaurant shower is a waste of money, wants to make the food, is very frugal and last minute, etc.  There would be drama and I want to avoid this. 

I just don't know what to do.  I know my MIL has good intentions, but I wonder how a shower thrown by herself would turn out.  She's the type of person to forget to mail invitations, wait until the last minute, etc.   I don't want my husband's side of the family to not attend a shower because she planned on throwing one and didn't.

Anyway, sorry this is so lengthy, but I am hoping you ladies could give me advice.  Thanks in advance!

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

#2 BFP 8/23/14, EDD 5/1/15, M/C 9/17/14 - Forever in our hearts <3

Re: Shower Advice

  • My advice is to suck it up and let her plan it as she will and you go down there.  An hour is  NOT far at all, and if it's a wreck... oh well.  It's her family.  It will reflect on her. 
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • As per usual, I agree with ECB.  If having them come together to work on one shower is not an option, drive the hour and let her throw a party for you. 
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Little Man (4 years old---holy cow)
    He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be.  He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.  
  • Yeah, you normally have to option to decline a shower offer, but I have a feeling your MIL would take this as a snub. Just let her do it and then both she and your mom can do things exactly as they please, and you're not in trouble!
  • Honestly, I would accept both & have both.

    if it's going to be more convenient for say, 30 people to have you (one person) come down there, you would probably make out better. It may sound gift grabby, but even to people that would ordinarily come if it were in town - a lot of people wouldn't want to drive. & it's really an easy thing for you to do to help make your MIL feel included.

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    Elonah [3], Bentley [1]

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I would let my MIL throw one. If you are concerned about the invitations then I would offer to do those myself or have DH let family members in advance. I started out only wanting one shower as well and I'm actually having three due to large family groups out of state. I've decided to just be excited that this many people want to celebrate our baby.
    Pregnancy Ticker image
  • Thank you all for your wonderful advice.  I think I will accept both.  I think that would make both my mother and my MIL happy.  My SIL said she would help with both, so I think she would keep my MIL on track. 

    I don't mind driving the hour, and I think it's a lot easier for me to drive then all of them. 

     Thanks again!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    #2 BFP 8/23/14, EDD 5/1/15, M/C 9/17/14 - Forever in our hearts <3

  • I agree with the others.  2 showers isn't that big of a deal, especially when there are 2 locations, 2 sets of families and 2 different people wanting to plan them.

    Who cares if she waits til the last minute?  Forgets to mail invites?  If she forgets this stuff, it's for her side of the family anyway.

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