How to be ok with DD fussing/crying sometimes? — The Bump
Attachment Parenting

How to be ok with DD fussing/crying sometimes?

I consider myself very much attuned to my daughter's needs. Since her birth her father and I have done our best to comfort to her the moment she begins fussing. Because of this it is a rare, rare thing that she actually ever cries. DD does not like being away from me, especially when she's tired. The other night I needed to shower and while DH was taking care of her she got really worked up. I finished as fast as possible ran to take DD from DH's arms. She calmed down almost immediately (just by seeing me), but both DH and I had tears in our eyes. We both just feel horrible when she cries. It makes us so sad to see her sad! I know as good parents we all love our children and don't want to see them upset, but how can DH and I help ourselves to tolerate SOME normal amount of fussing or crying? I'm starting to realize that I have a lot of anxiety around this. TIA in advance for your advice, mommas.
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Re: How to be ok with DD fussing/crying sometimes?

  • I know it is so hard but I think you really have to help yourself understand why she is crying. She may really want you but she is perfectly safe and taken care of with your DH and you deserve a shower! If you are the only one she wants you will make yourself crazy if you don't allow some time for yourself and for her to get used to others/ other family to get used to how to help with her. For me, I always hated crying (we're supposed to!) but I felt ok if I knew LO was being loved and cared for.
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  • I totally understand what you are saying.  I worked in a daycare for years before having DD.  Crying babies never bothered me, but when I had my DD I couldn't stand to hear her cry.  I couldn't do cry it out to save my life.  I am a tough cookie too, so it was shocking to me to have this type of reaction.  It gets better though. Or at least it did with me. The less helpless DD became as she got older, the less I had that reaction. 

    I also think there might be a control issue as well.  I hated giving up control of the baby to my DH because I was with her more than my husband, I knew her better.  It took a while to give up control, and the older she got the more she could express her desires, so it was easier for others to take care of her.  It wasn't until a couple months ago that I even let my DH get up for her night feedings.  My world changed when I could sleep a little longer. 

    I think if you take the time for yourself you will be a better mama.  Feeling  the kind of pressure you are describing is overwhelming.  Give yourself as many breaks as you can.  Push it as much as you can.  The feelings you have aren't logical, so logic probably doesn't make you feel better, but your daughter is fine, she is perfectly well taken care of by your DH.  Tell yourself her displeasure is temporary, a short time discomfort for a long term benefit of having a happy mama. 

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  • Your baby is becoming more aware and moving from a person with only needs to a person with preferences and likes and dislikes. She might NEED to be close to someone, but now she LIKES to be held by you rather than daddy. It's okay to teach her that you can't always get what you want (but you get what you need Music ). It's okay to let her cry, especially when she's being actively comforted. The goal of (attachment) parenting isn't to avoid all discomfort and frustration and other bad feelings, it's to teach the kid how to deal with them and help them feel supported as they figure it out. 6 months is just the cusp of this, but it only gets more inevitable that there will be some crying. You should here my kid shriek when I take something away he can't play with - obviously, I shouldn't just let him eat the phone cord, but it makes him cry when I take it away. He gets a few seconds to be mad, then he gets a hug and something else to play with.
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