the 'talk' — The Bump
School-Aged Children

the 'talk'

whats a good age to have the birds and the bees talk with kids? I have a 9 year old &18 mo daughter as well as a 3.5 mo son and 10y/o step son.  It seems kids are maturing alot faster these days although I seem to be lucky that my daughter isnt boy crazy or anything like that yet.. im just wondering when I should have the talk??

Re: the 'talk'

  • I also agree w/auntie that it should be kind of a gradual, ongoing thing but I'm going to assume that you've done that but are referring to the talk as giving info on the whole 'penis in vagina' action.  A friend of mine has a 9yo who is on the autism spectrum & also does not have a natural curiosity about this topic.  She was recently asking around because she wasn't sure how to go about relaying this piece of the puzzle.  From what she heard from teachers, therapists, etc was that by 4th grade, most kids know the whole meal deal. 

    I have a 7yo & a 4yo and I'm using some cartoon-y type books to open up the subject more with them (one is called "It's Not the Stork") .  We've always been very open about their bodies & such, but I will say that I'm not quite ready to give either of them the penis in vagina talk.  I think that def. within the next year, I will go there because I would rather she hear it from me. 

  • Ditto to what Auntie said. We are very matter of fact with our kids about sexual health and reproduction. With our ds, we're at the stage of discussing birth control and consequenses of sex/relationships. He hasn't started dating or is interested, but I'd rather he know before (part of it is him respecting women). T is well versed in the changes she's already started to go through in puberty (starting with the growth spurts), and she's well aware of the mechanics of how babies are made. Our younger girls know about their body parts and what they're for, and what a menstrual period is, but just the basics.

    I would rather them feel that they can be comfortable with their bodies and comfortable asking questions, than to hide in the dark about it (making it seem taboo) and go to a stranger for info and possible friends, and be misinformed.



  • I also agree with Auntie.  DD who is 6 asked me a few weeks ago how you know when you have a baby in your belly.  I told her that women have a period every month where they bleed (her eyes were wide open is fright).  And I said that when that period doesnt come, it could be a sign that you have a baby in your belly.   I then went on to tell her that the bleeding doesnt hurt and that every girl goes through it.  I said that she has many years before this will happen to her and that we will talk about it more in a few years.  I think answering their curiosity questions honestly but still a bit vague allows them to get the answers they are seeking while also allowing you to start the process.  My DD has no idea about sex or anything like that, but she knows that a man and a women make a baby and that the baby comes out of your privates.  I am not afraid of having any talks with my DD.  She and I are very close and she is not afraid to talk to me about any problems she is having female wise.   
  • One more thing, my mother never had any talk with me.  I started my period at the age of 12 and she didnt know for months until some underwear had some blood on them.  I never got any sort of sex talk either.  Everything I learned from school or friends.  I swear my kids will not be the same!!!   They will hear it all from me.  I just think it is SO IRRESPONSIBLE of parents to not arm their children with the proper information and debunk any myths that young kids here....like you cant get PG the first time, oral isnt sex, etc, etc. 
  • http://www.amazon.com/Talking-Your-Kids-About-Sex/dp/0756657385

     My twins are only 6, but this book outlines information for different ages. 

    Wendy Twins 1/27/06. DS and DD
  • Scools around here start with the lessons on AF and that stuff in 4th grade.  I would talk about it with my girls before that class and then keep it an open and ongoing dialogue.  My older Niece got her AF for the 1st time at around age 11 so kids are getting it sooner than in past generations and I would start talking well before that happens.
    Jenni Mom to DD#1 - 6-16-06 DD#2 - 3-13-08 
  • DD is 9 and in 4th grade.  Next year the school teaches it, and I will have a talk with her this summer.  I think it depends on the child, and I don't think DD is ready yet, PLUS she has a really big mouth, and I would rather her not be talking about stuff like that during recess.  I would rather she learn during the summer when she can't blab about stuff like that on the playground!  Plus some other mothers will be talking to their daughters this summer, so I want my child to learn around the same time (not too much sooner, and not after, so that she learns from her friends who might not get it right!). 

    I would add, there is a lot of mis-information that the kids spread around.  One of dd's friends was bragging "I know how you make a baby!"  I told her that dd wasn't ready to hear that information!  However, when I spoke to her mom (on a different subject) she told me that her daughter was learning the wrong information.  This girl (who was going to tell DD how babies are made) told her mom that to make a baby "men and women get naked together and tickle each other."  Better yet, to make a girl, they go slowly, but to make a boy, they go quickly"!!!!

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • I'm so glad to see this thread. DD is 8 and her pedi and orthopedist believe she will hit puberty early. I have not discussed anything with her and I know that sooner than later I will need to at least have the conversation about menstrual cycles. She is also a big mouth so I do worry about her spreading the information with her peers and that conversation not being well received by adults. ::::sigh::::: She is already ostracized quite a bit because of her height and loud personality that I'm hesitant to potentially bring more attention to her than is necessary.
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  • image Wahoo:

    I would add, there is a lot of mis-information that the kids spread around.  One of dd's friends was bragging "I know how you make a baby!"  I told her that dd wasn't ready to hear that information!  However, when I spoke to her mom (on a different subject) she told me that her daughter was learning the wrong information.  This girl (who was going to tell DD how babies are made) told her mom that to make a baby "men and women get naked together and tickle each other."  Better yet, to make a girl, they go slowly, but to make a boy, they go quickly"!!!!

    I know that's how I made a baby.

     

    image
    Newlyweds since 2007
  • Wow, thanks for posting this. After reading everyone's input I realized we are a bit behind the power curve....  We have two boys (one will turn 9 is August and the other just turned 7) and we have yet to really talk about babies or girl parts.

    We are expecting a baby in November and haven't told the boys yet, but I suspect when we announce it, they will be questioning how it all happens.

    I am a little embarrased that we haven't really discussed this with them. Thank you for posting the links; I just purchased three books to review and hopefully use!

    KEEP CALM and LATCH ON!

    dee & bee
    mom & dad to 3 boys!
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