Late Term and Child Loss

Devastated. New here.

Yesterday I went to the doctor thinking I was having weird discharge. Turns out my uterus had dilated two centimeters. I was sent to the high risk doctor where I had an ultrasound and an amino to determine if there was an infection in the amniotic sac before having a cerclage done. I was convinced everything would be fine. The amino determined however, that there was an infection and the doctors determined that I would have to deliver the baby at 19 weeks. They told me my baby wouldn't survive. They told me I would have to go through the whole labor process. I felt like part of me was dying. It was the most horrific experience of my life. I just wanted to take my baby home with me.  I have cried and cried. This is completely unfair and this wasn't supposed to happen. I was supposed to be going in for my anatomy scan next week. I'm supposed to be having a baby. 

My 3 year old DD already loves this baby is much, so talks to my tummy everyday and has named the baby cupcake. I don't know what to say to her. She was so excited about being a big sister. I know I should be able to get pregnant again in a few months when we are ready but I wanted this baby. I wanted to love this baby. 

I'm just beyond devastated. Here I sit in then hospital and I don't know where to go from here. 

Thanks for reading

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Re: Devastated. New here.

  • I'm so sorry you are going through this. ((hugs)) It's definitely the most horrific, devastating experience. I'm glad you posted, you will get lots of support here.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    IVF #1 BFP b/g twins!; loss at 23 weeks due to I.C. and PTL. IVF #2 BFP 5/26/12; due date 2/6/13; TAC surgery 7/20/12, blessed with another girl & boy! 

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  • I'm so sorry.  This is one of the worst things to have to go through.  The women here are wonderful and incredibly supportive.  I'm sorry you have to be here.  ((hugs))
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    <3<3 "You know my name, not my story.
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  • I am so so sorry about your little one. I lost my baby boy nine months ago during childbirth. Sending you a hug and wishes of healing. Would you like to share if you had a boy or a girl? Did you name him or her? ((Hugs)) I understand if that is private but if you would like to share more about your baby feel free to talk all you need to. My mom lost twins due to a similar experience. Cupcake is such a sweet nickname.  
    My little boy went to heaven during childbirth Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers


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    type 1 diabetic for 7 years. Been on the pump for 6 years.
  • I am so sorry! The ladies here are great! Anytime you need to talk or anything we are here. Did you have a name picked out for him yet?
    Tim 12/30/00 Brad 4/30/02 Alex 9/29/03 Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • imagekarebear57:
    I am so sorry! The ladies here are great! Anytime you need to talk or anything we are here. Did you have a name picked out for him yet?

    We weren't sure we wanted to know but after talking with our doctors we decided to find out, she was a beautiful little girl. She was perfect. Her nose looked just like our DD's. We named her Harper. I'm so glad I decided to see and hold her. I'll never forget her. 
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  • Delivering a stillborn baby is among one of the worst experiences I think one can I have.  My heart breaks for you as I can remember being there in some ways like it was yesterday.  We are all here for you.

    If they have not told you this, you can have your baby buried or cremated (or both) if you want.  You just need to contact a local funeral home and the hospital will arrange for the transfer.  Some women do this, some do not.  There is no right answer, I just wanted you to know your options.

    I am so, so sorry for your loss. 

    Hugs to you.

    Jenn 

    We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013.  We love her to pieces.  

    We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011.  She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.


  • I am so sorry you are going through this. Many t&p to you .
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  • Unfortunately.. a little over a week ago I went through the exact same thing.. it's not fair.. it's so not fair... I'm thinking of you <3
    ~Heather~ TTC Since 12/2009
    Septated uterus, pcos (on metformin), MTHFR
    Clomid # 1- July 2010 = BFN / #2 Sept 2010= BFN
    IVF#1 - 1/2011 = BFN (Severe AF started 7dpo)
    IVF#2 - 3/2011 = Ectopic
    Aug 2011- FE - Thaw all - cancelled - embryos didn't make it!
    Oct 2011 - IVF#3 = BFP!! ~ TWINS!!
    Said goodbye to Twin B @ 9w5d
    Hudson Edward ~ Pprom 18 wks 2/16/12 - We love you forever. You have our hearts.
    8/15/12 5dFET = BFP! ~ Said goodbye at 7wks gestation
    11/9/12 5dFET = BFP! ~ Said goodbye at 5wks gestation
    12/28/12 - Septated Uterus Found (was misdiagnosed as bicornuate!)
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  • I am so sorry for your loss of sweet baby Harper. 

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  • I am so sorry.
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  • I'm so sorry about your loss of little Harper.  I'm glad you got to see and hold your daughter.  We lost our daughter at 21w and I'm thankful that I got to see and hold my baby.  You're right, losing your daughter isn't fair. It is horrible, awful, and tragic. 
    BFP #1 - Missed M/C, D&C 3.21.11

    BFP #2 - Sylvie V. Q. born and died on 10.28.11 at 21w. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    BFP #3 - Evie V. Q. Fetal demise @ 16w. DC 7.8.12
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    BFP  #4 - Beatrix V. Q. Born 6.2.13 at 23w6d.
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  • I am so sorry for your loss.  We have two young children and had to explain to them that their baby sister was too hurt to be able to live with us.  I think that was one of the most difficult parts of the experience.  My DS still asks questions about her and talks about her (my DD is younger and even though she loves looking at pictures she just doesn't understand quite as well as my DS).  Luckily kids are extremely resilient and even though they are very sad, I think their mourning is a lot different fromours.  If you have any questions at all, please feel comfortable asking us.  Again I am sorry for the loss of your little Harper.  (((HUGE HUGS)))
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  • I'm so sorry you are doing through this.  Cupcake knows that they are loved.  Much love and hugs to you and your family. 
    BFP#1: EDD 10/11/11 Our sweet boy Robin was born 7 weeks a little early on 8/23/11 due to HELLP syndrome, unfortunately he was diagnosed with Trisomy13 and left us on 8/29/11. BFP#2: EDD 10/13/13
    thelossblog.blogspot.com
  • I'm so sorry about what you are going through, the same thing happened to me on 2/6 and lost our twin boys :-(, also had to deliver them and I had a hemorrage and on top of that needed blood transfusion, it's been the worse thing I've gone through in my life, not only losing my boys that I loved so much but on top of that going through the labor and funeral home arrangements :-(, we're here for you, hugs

  • I'm just so incredibly sorry you have to be here. The ladies here are really wonderful and full of hope and support. *hugs* 
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  • I so very sorry for your loss. I have been through this twice and it is so hard. I hope you find the same comfort and support from this board as I have. These women are wonderful.

     Our baby boy,Logan, was born still at 19w3d on 7/1/2011
    Our 2nd baby boy, Mason, was born still at 20w3d on 1/31/2012

     After a much needed sanity break... we are praying for our rainbows

    ((BFP 7/29/13))  ((EDD 4/12/14))  It's BOY/GIRL twins!!!

  • I'm so sorry you're going through this.  You're right - it's not supposed to happen and it is unfair. 
    Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms.
    BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
    BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
    Too beautiful for this earth
    BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
  • I am so sorry you have to go though this.
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  • I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Harper. I lost my son Nathaniel almost 4 months ago, he was born at 22 weeks 4 days due to preterm labor. I went to L&D 4 days earlier for some strange discharge, they checked me (cervix was long & closed) & sent me home. Everything seemed fine. Then 4 days later I started cramping & having contractions, got to the hospital & I was 4 cm dilated & the bag was bulging. I delivered my son a few hours later and he died during the delivery. They never found any infection or any problems as to why this happened.

    You're right- it is devastating & traumatizing. It was the worst experience of my life. We have a 2&1/2 yo daughter and I'm not sure she quite "got it" yet but she knew there was a baby in mommy's tummy, etc. We were very straightforward with her, told her the baby died. Our cat had died 2 weeks before & so she knew "Lucy died too", it was something she could equate it to. I want to give her an explanation she can grow into, rather than changing our answer as she grows. She will come to understand in time.

    I send you big hugs, and lots of love. All the ladies here are wonderful & know what you are going through. It's a very tough road to walk but you're not alone!

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  • I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Harper. Hugs!!
    DS- Brenden born 11/13/93 Missed miscarriage on March 6, 2007 @ 9 weeks D&C on March 8th 2007. Riley Annalise born 2/25/08 ( 3 weeks early weighing 8 lbs 12.8 oz.) Chemical pregnancy 3/2010. Sydney Adriana born sleeping on 9/30/11 weighing 10lbs 3 oz at 38wks 4 days. Trinity Alivia born via c section at 36 wks 4 days weighing 9 lbs. 5.7 oz. She is our amazing rainbow baby!!! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers PGAL buddy drvst8
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