Help me figure out this bedtime dilemma, please.

KittyKatMom

DS is 23 months old. Ever since he turned 18 months, we've gradually been cutting back on nursing. We're down to one 10-minute session at bedtime. He sleeps in his own room in a full-size bed. I lay down with him and nurse him for five minutes on each side (we gradually cut this down from 10 minutes per side). Then I pop him off, tell him it's time to sleep, and he tosses and turns for awhile before snuggling up to me and going to sleep.

Lately though, he's been getting upset when I tell him it's time to sleep. He whines for "more" and tells me to "leave the room" or "go bye-bye" or "get out." The first time he did this, I was shocked. I said, "Are you sure?" and he said "Yeah," so I left, and of course he immediately started screaming. And this is what happens every time. He tells me to leave, then starts hysterically crying before I'm even out the door. I let him go for about five minutes, then go back in his room and ask him if he's ready to go to sleep, and he grabs onto me and snuggles and goes to sleep. Sometimes he cries for me to "come back" even before five minutes is up.

What the heck?? This doesn't happen every night, but it has happened several times and I've tried different approaches: I've left as he requested; I've told him that I don't want to leave, I want to stay and snuggle with him; I've told him that I don't think he really wants me to leave because he cries when I do, and that I think he's just mad. I want to respect his wishes, but at the same time, I would rather avoid the screaming fit that ensues when I do.

Any ideas?

jsugrin

I would start by prepping him before you do in " we're going to lay down, read books (or whatever you do or dont'), nurse and then mama is going to leave.  When you are ready to fall asleep call for mama and I will come back.". 

Since he's kicking you out anyway but really wants you maybe this will help you get control of the situation and head him off at the pass, take away the "control" of the moment and reduce the yelling.

Jena503

DS does this to me too - "GO AWAY MAMA!" But he doesn't really mean it.  I think he means that something I'm doing is annoying him. So depending on my mood and where we are, I'll either turn my back to him or get out of bed and lay on the floor (floor bed, so I'm still really right there). Sometimes he wants me to come back. Sometimes he'll be satisfied with just a hand to hold.

KittyKatMom

Thanks for the responses. The past two nights, when he's told me to leave, I've confirmed with him that he really wants me to leave (yes), asked for a kiss goodnight (which he gave willingly), and told him that if he wants me to come back, to say so and I will. He didn't last 2 minutes before asking me to come back, but he's not getting as upset about it. I'm wondering if this will eventually transition into him putting himself to sleep, which he has never, ever done.