What are your (secondary) motivators?

ateal2490

Besides the medical benefits of a med-free birth (for both mom and baby) what elements/people/experiences motivate you to keep your eye on the prize?

 

For me, its the doubtful comments I've received...mostly from my in-laws. SIL thinks I'm insane and gave me the "yeah right" right off the bat. I know its petty and maybe childish, but it really motivates me to continue on with my plan.

 

HBU? 

sschwege

I'm pretty stubborn when I set my mind to something so definitely proving people wrong was a motivator.  

Trying to see if I could do it I guess would be another.  I have run two marathons and part of my drive was to see what my body could do, labor was the same I guess.

Finally, just knowing that I could move around, sit in the bath, basically do what I wanted to do.  Having an epi would have prevented me from doing that. 

WildcatPrincess

I'm more terrified of a botched epi than any amount of pain, that's my one and only motivator. Though even when done right anesthesia in general freaks me out. Everyone said how brave it was going natural, but really it's because I have the opposite fears of most normal people.

august8080

-being "present" the whole time

-i HATE the way pain meds make me feel and they usually make me puke a lot

-knowing what hard things i've done with my body in the past (athletically) and wanting to push myself like that again

cros8380

The reason I chose a med-free birth was because I have this unwavering faith in my body and in the "nature" of things. So at first, the health benefits were the secondary motivators (and the stuff that I learned about later, in my Bradley class!)...but eventually they became the main reason and the faith in nature was the secondary motivator.

 

 

Jessimurph

Recovery time, proving my OB wrong....i am not broken and my body can do this. Proving to myself that I can do it. Feeling that high rush when he comes out. Being in the comfort of my own home with a supportive team of people there for me and my baby. There are so many reasons for me to do it this way instead of scheduling a rcs.

CTri17

I guess to prove to all women that it is possible and beautiful to be able to labor naturally, not that I'm saying everyone should do it, I just think people are so scared to do it in our society because childbirth is "apparently" some painful/horrible thing :::rolls eyes::: 

wheelsonthebus

One of my main reasons for doing it is just to experience it. I want to experience birth the way women have for centuries. It feels like a challenge to me that I want to take on!

ateal2490

I just discovered another one while watching The Business of Being Born.

 

Random, (male) OB:

"I call it feminist machoism, ya know, when you're pushing a baby in a stroller 3 months later, you'll say "I did it naturally." Personally, I don't think it's important."

 

For real? 

MitoRachel

Along with a lot of what PP have said... I have had times where I am in a lot of pain for several hours and times when my body wouldn't move (sometimes just legs, sometimes even eyelids and difficulty breathing). If given a choice I would ALWAYS choose the pain over being trapped in my own body. Signing up to quite possibly not be able to move your own legs confuses me. I guess we'll see if I change my mind in a few weeks when I experience labor for the first time!

tokenhoser

A big one for me was knowing that what did go "wrong" (like my lovely third degree tear) wasn't caused by the epidural, because I didn't have one. It wasn't the epi that kept me from moving so my baby didn't turn, he just didn't turn. It sounds a bit weird, but for me it was an upside.

ateal2490

tokenhoser:

A big one for me was knowing that what did go "wrong" (like my lovely third degree tear) wasn't caused by the epidural, because I didn't have one. It wasn't the epi that kept me from moving so my baby didn't turn, he just didn't turn. It sounds a bit weird, but for me it was an upside.

I completely understand that.

I think if something went wrong, I would forever question if the epi or petocin was to blame and it would drive me nuts. 

Harper'smom

Well the primary motivation is that I just want the baby to come out of my vagina this time and I feel med free/out of hospital gives me the safest and best shot at that. Not leaving my daughter for 5 days while I recover from a RCS is a huge bonus.

JFH2010

I have no need to "prove that I can do it" or test my body. DH and I were discussing that last night - if it were him, he would do it just to prove to himself that he can. Meh. I can do a lot of things that I don't choose to do. And most people I know are more likely to be judgmental if I do have interventions, so it's not to prove anyone wrong. For me it's:

- Being able to move around and find the position that is least stressful for me and the baby. I can't stand the thought of pushing the baby out while laying on my back. 

- Having the experience. One of my favorite quotes is something like, "the definition of an adventurous person is someone who, in the middle of an earthquake, says, 'so this is what an earthquake feels like..." I may not have another chance to have the experience.

- Being able to direct my own pushing. I believe my body will tell me when to do certain things, and I want to be able to hear it.  

nonoemily

I wanted to go med free because I hate doctors. I've had a lot of bad hospital experiences and I wanted to give birth in a nice place, surrounded by nice people. Knowing that I wouldn't have to deal with any smug, overpaid asssholes getting in my face was worth the pain. My midwives were awesome.

I also hate needles and even after three days of labor I still wouldn't have let anyone near me with a needle intended for my spine. No freaking way.

I wouldn't even call those secondary motivators. These two reasons are why I chose to give birth naturally. Everything else was just icing on the cake.

dani2480

1) I believe nature didn't design women, on the whole, to need medicine, interventions and surgery to give birth. If that were true, the human race wouldn't have survived and thrived like it has for ~150,000 years. If I do have an anatomical deformity or other issue that would otherwise have killed me, then "yay medicine!" but it's unlikely this is the case, so why use methods that just aren't required (and carry their own dangerous risks)?

2) I'm having a little girl, and I want her to grow up knowing that her body is powerful, beautiful and to be respected. How can I teach her that if I don't live it myself?

3) I was molested as a child, and it left me with this feeling that I was not in control of my body and myself, and that it was not my place to question "authority" (because my molester was an important authority figure in my life). Over the last few years I've been really working through that trauma, and part of that has turned out to include learning how to value and respect my body as mine, and how nobody else has any rights over it. I've gained a deep respect for my body and its power (learning all about charting and how a woman's body really works was a huge step towards that), and consequentially deepened my confidence in myself. Birth is, in its own way, a sexual process (a child is conceived through sex, and is born through the sexual passage) which can either be empowering (and for me, possibly a corrective experience), or just pile more violation and trauma on top of what already existed (for me, letting a doctor have carte blanche over my body while delivering feels too similar to how, as a child, I "let" my molester do what he did because I "trusted" him to know better than me about how my own body should be treated). I expect childbirth won't be easy, and will likely come with significant pain, but it will be my pain, under my control, and if I need interventions or medicine, I need it to be my choice... I know this might seem kind of "out there" for some people, but for me, this has become a very powerful motivator towards seeking a natural birth experience (and hopefully some psychological healing as well).

Jessimurph

BreanneL24:

I would say that the doubtful comments really motivate me a lot. And I have complete trust in my body that I can do this. I also don't want to join the masses that say drugs and doctors are what is best. i don't believe that at all. If I end up utilizing those resources then fine because emergencies exist but I really don't want to.

And the ladies on my BMB who think homebirth is so terrible and that natural birthers have their heads too far shoved up their butts to face reality. One of them on the UO Thursday thread today said that women should never be judged for getting induced/c-section and then in the same post went on to criticize homebirth as being unwise and unsafe...WHAT!?! How are you going to judge me but don't want people to judge you?

I hate our bmb. I was probably a lot more like them last time. I still wanted a NB, but i wasn't really educated and still ended up with a scheduled cs. That experience left me very depressed and unable to cope with life as a new mother. I get it....everyone thinks they are making the best choices for themselves, but you have to EDUCATE yourself first.

Teneniel

dani2480:

3) I was molested as a child, and it left me with this feeling that I was not in control of my body and myself, and that it was not my place to question "authority" (because my molester was an important authority figure in my life). Over the last few years I've been really working through that trauma, and part of that has turned out to include learning how to value and respect my body as mine, and how nobody else has any rights over it. I've gained a deep respect for my body and its power (learning all about charting and how a woman's body really works was a huge step towards that), and consequentially deepened my confidence in myself. Birth is, in its own way, a sexual process (a child is conceived through sex, and is born through the sexual passage) which can either be empowering (and for me, possibly a corrective experience), or just pile more violation and trauma on top of what already existed (for me, letting a doctor have carte blanche over my body while delivering feels too similar to how, as a child, I "let" my molester do what he did because I "trusted" him to know better than me about how my own body should be treated). I expect childbirth won't be easy, and will likely come with significant pain, but it will be my pain, under my control, and if I need interventions or medicine, I need it to be my choice... I know this might seem kind of "out there" for some people, but for me, this has become a very powerful motivator towards seeking a natural birth experience (and hopefully some psychological healing as well).

Sister, I came to write pretty much this word for word.  I need to take the power of my body back, and few people can really understand what that means.

BostonGayGal

It wasn't even the epi I was scared of, because at least I can't see that. I LOATHE ivs. I can't think of a word strong enough. I've had several, including one for the IVF egg retrieval, so while I can handle them with grace I just hate them so much that I was willing to do anything. 

 

Also, I wanted to experience it. Birth is a pretty amazing thing thing.

 

For me, I didn't feel I had anything to prove to myself or anyone else. I don't really understand that thinking. Of course I could do it. It's what women have done for thousands of years.  Anyone who questions that is just silly. Women don't die of pain. Birth complications/problems happen, but it isn't the pain that is the problem. ** it should be noted however that at one point I did feel like I would split in two(but I didn't). Also, I did ask to skip the epi, and go straight to twilight sleep or being clubbed to death like a baby seal.

ateal2490

dani2480:

1) I believe nature didn't design women, on the whole, to need medicine, interventions and surgery to give birth. If that were true, the human race wouldn't have survived and thrived like it has for ~150,000 years. If I do have an anatomical deformity or other issue that would otherwise have killed me, then "yay medicine!" but it's unlikely this is the case, so why use methods that just aren't required (and carry their own dangerous risks)?

2) I'm having a little girl, and I want her to grow up knowing that her body is powerful, beautiful and to be respected. How can I teach her that if I don't live it myself?

3) I was molested as a child, and it left me with this feeling that I was not in control of my body and myself, and that it was not my place to question "authority" (because my molester was an important authority figure in my life). Over the last few years I've been really working through that trauma, and part of that has turned out to include learning how to value and respect my body as mine, and how nobody else has any rights over it. I've gained a deep respect for my body and its power (learning all about charting and how a woman's body really works was a huge step towards that), and consequentially deepened my confidence in myself. Birth is, in its own way, a sexual process (a child is conceived through sex, and is born through the sexual passage) which can either be empowering (and for me, possibly a corrective experience), or just pile more violation and trauma on top of what already existed (for me, letting a doctor have carte blanche over my body while delivering feels too similar to how, as a child, I "let" my molester do what he did because I "trusted" him to know better than me about how my own body should be treated). I expect childbirth won't be easy, and will likely come with significant pain, but it will be my pain, under my control, and if I need interventions or medicine, I need it to be my choice... I know this might seem kind of "out there" for some people, but for me, this has become a very powerful motivator towards seeking a natural birth experience (and hopefully some psychological healing as well).

Well, I teared up reading that.

 

Your daughter is one extraordinarily lucky girl to have such a strong momma. You're empowering both her and yourself before she's even come into the world. You're amazing  

mkflower3000

DH's faith, his promised support, and belief in our decisions. Also my insane fear of needles, a few friends who've had med-free births very successfully, and wanting to show my MWs that just because we didn't take classes but did all of our learning through books and DVDs doesn't mean that we can't succeed (they're convinced that I won't be as successful without dropping hundreds of dollars on a course, but I have lots of faith in my body).

NewzieMom

The birth high is definitely mine.  I have never experienced anything like it before.

NewzieMom

BreanneL24:

Jessimurph:

BreanneL24:

I would say that the doubtful comments really motivate me a lot. And I have complete trust in my body that I can do this. I also don't want to join the masses that say drugs and doctors are what is best. i don't believe that at all. If I end up utilizing those resources then fine because emergencies exist but I really don't want to.

And the ladies on my BMB who think homebirth is so terrible and that natural birthers have their heads too far shoved up their butts to face reality. One of them on the UO Thursday thread today said that women should never be judged for getting induced/c-section and then in the same post went on to criticize homebirth as being unwise and unsafe...WHAT!?! How are you going to judge me but don't want people to judge you?

I hate our bmb. I was probably a lot more like them last time. I still wanted a NB, but i wasn't really educated and still ended up with a scheduled cs. That experience left me very depressed and unable to cope with life as a new mother. I get it....everyone thinks they are making the best choices for themselves, but you have to EDUCATE yourself first.

Im beginning to hate it too. Everyone is so mean and biitchy now and I truly don't understand how they can be so closed minded to natural birth. I'm so sick of hearing it. Although todays UO about homebirth put me over the edge. I know and expect to get judged but don't be an idiot and say inductions and c sections should never be judged but homebirth should! See it still irritates me that people can be so dumb!

Huge reason why I don't read a lot of the post on March.

EBelle80

Good thread! I loved reading the responses so far.

Side note: I dread what the June board is going to turn into in a couple months, since it is so opinionated already! I think once people start scheduling their inductions I will have to stay over here.

My second birth, which was natural partly because I went too fast to get any pain relief, was super fast and off the rails. I want to experience labor in a calmer state and place (my home) this time and be able to cope with it better.

Since this is likely my last baby, I want to have the best experience so far. Yes, I do realize things can go wrong and not according to plan - but that is my hope.

I am terrifed of the epidural now. I have lasting sciatic pain from the first birth, in which I had a late epidural. It caused me so much trouble from pushing that I REGRET ever getting it so bad. I also have scoliosis and have a terrible fear they will mess it up again if I have to have a cs for some reason.

And lastly, I LIKE feeling like superwoman because I had a natural birth. My body fails me in a lot of ways (chronic back pain, asthma, allergies) but I am great at being pregnant and giving birth! I know in another life I was a hardy peasant woman with eight children.

Jcrab

Harper'smom:

Well the primary motivation is that I just want the baby to come out of my vagina this time and I feel med free/out of hospital gives me the safest and best shot at that. Not leaving my daughter for 5 days while I recover from a RCS is a huge bonus.

While I am loving reading everybody's posts on this topic, this is what I most identify with. 

TucktheTurtle

My epidural stopped working, and I felt everything on my right side. 

It was just enough to piss me off. 

Still free to be me

I have two rules regarding my medical care:

1)  No unnecessary amputations.

2) No back needles.

I would consider any non-emergency c-section to be an unnecessary amputation.  I kind of want to prevent it, if I can.

I already have enough issues with headaches and migrains.  I'm really not in the mood for spinal headaches and I am pretty sure that would be a side effect of an epi for me.  That is just how my luck would go!

I don't have any other medical care rules yet.  I haven't needed to make them, yet!

 

balibaby

An unbelievably easy recovery, that amazing natural high, and feeling the whole process of birth, feeling the baby move down me and come out- it's a once in a lifetime experience. Other people have zero to do with my motivations, on this issue I could care less what others think of me, but I really do feel badly for those who miss out on the experience.

Shellydawn422

I agree with what the majority of others have said.  Also, due to some things in my past, I think I may be at risk for PPD (my mom and sister had it also).  After doing a lot of research, I have found that natural birth may truly help (partly due to hormones, an easier recovery, and better chances for successfully breastfeeding).  So not only is it better for me and baby physically, but mentally as well.  And at this point I know that even if I do have trouble after giving birth there are support systems in place to help.  It is such a relief to know that I am in contol of my own future and I have the right to make the best decisions for myself and my child. 

BostonGayGal

NewzieMom:

The birth high is definitely mine.  I have never experienced anything like it before.

I was psyched for that!!! Never happened- boo. 

BrideNamedMeg

For my first birth, I just wanted to do it!  I wanted to really experience all of what childbirth was - I didn't want to get the epi and then sit around watching TV until it was time to push.  I wanted to be present, there for every contraction - I wanted DH to help me through it and for us to become parents working together.  It was an amazing experience, everything I'd hoped for and more and I think the way we went about learning and preparing for the birth together helped us a ton in the first year of parenthood. 

With my second birth, we opted to do it at home instead of the hospital.  My biggest reason for trying it at home was I felt like I didn't need to be in the hospital for DD's birth - I could have been anywhere, so why not at home?  Also, DD was subjected to so many interventions AFTER the birth that I wanted to make absolutely sure WE were making the choice to bring DS to the hospital for a legitimate reason if there had been a problem, and fortunately there we didn't have to.

MAMAxB

cros8380:

The reason I chose a med-free birth was because I have this unwavering faith in my body and in the "nature" of things. So at first, the health benefits were the secondary motivators (and the stuff that I learned about later, in my Bradley class!)...but eventually they became the main reason and the faith in nature was the secondary motivator.

 

 

This is me too!

punkrockabye

I've never been not in control of my body. An epidural terrifies me. I can't stand the thought of not being able to feel my legs. I also want to be able to feel my baby. I want to feel the whole process of this being I created coming out of me

I have horrible lower back problems. Aside from the constant ache that I'm used to living with, my back is already hurting more than it was before pregnancy. Theres a disk that likes to protrude on its own schedule so that's always a worry. I just don't want to chance further injury.

I saw my mom go through a LOT of pain. Her pain was not purposeful--she had to have multiple leg amputations due to blood clots and gangrene. Horrible infections occurred at times and she was kind of a trial and error case because sometimes her wounds would not heal. The pain did not kill her; a stroke did. She lived with so much pain sometimes that pain medications couldn't help. If my mom survived that, I have everything in me that I need to get through childbirth. 

SpruceGrouse

I'm more afraid of not being alert from meds, not being able to feel what is going on.  

I want to feel what is going on, when half my body was numb after my stroke, it was the most frightening thing I ever felt and I don't want an epidural to bring back that panic.

Luckily I can't have an epidural anyway, but I don't want any gas or meds that make me feel ill or drowsy, I know I will want to be alert. 

Blue Pansy

Secondary motivations? I just want to get through a natural birth and discover what it's like for myself.  But I also run marathons and am a Marine, so pushing my limits is sort of a thing for me.  

And since everyone is so opinionated about birthing methods, I want to 'earn' my opinion! Right now everyone looks at me like I'm crazy when I talk about natural birth.  

ShenekaSoloman

I want whats best for baby an me.  But with DD1 15 years ago, I asked for meds to late ( I was already in transition) they gave me a shot of something in my back (not an epi), but it never really kicked in I felt everything anyway. 

So with this little one, I plan to just keep it going, once it gets bad I will resolve that it must be almost over and why bother.  Plus this time around I am way more informed and prepared.  Even know what positions I want to use, and how to help myself do even better his time around.  I am reading all the books etc.

Plus I like the bragging rights when its all said and done, and the looks of awe that you an do it without the meds. That's mostly my ego though.

hailyf

dani2480:

2) I'm having a little girl, and I want her to grow up knowing that her body is powerful, beautiful and to be respected. How can I teach her that if I don't live it myself?

This. is. HUGE. I cannot wait to be as far along and as confident as you guys! 

hailyf

dani2480:

2) I'm having a little girl, and I want her to grow up knowing that her body is powerful, beautiful and to be respected. How can I teach her that if I don't live it myself?

This. is. HUGE. I cannot wait to be as far along and as confident as you guys! 

elviebird

- An epidural headache or otherwise botched epi sounds way worse than natural birth

- I don't react well to pain meds (took Vicodin when I miscarried and honestly, I would have rather felt worse cramping than the hours of nausea and dizziness).

- I'm a belligerent person.  I like to do things just to say that I did and go against the grain.