If you opted for cremation, what did you do with the ashes?

olp79

hi girls, we lost our babies on 2/6 at 22w. We decided to cremate them and got them back last Friday :-(. They are in the bedroom on the second floor. I feel good that they are in the house since I feel they are still with us but my DH feels sad and uncomfortable. He wanted to throw the ashes in Atlantic City last weekend but I wasn't sure so I told him to wait. He's asked me to think about what we are going to do, I guess take them to the cemetery or the other option. I'm not sure what to do. We also have to get rid of all the baby stuff that we have in the basement. I don't want to go to the second floor because of the ashes or to the basement because of the babies's stuff. What did you do?

krysiahamaty

First, I am so sorry for your losses. I hate to welcome you here but the ladies are an amazing support system. I hope you find some comfort.

I don't know if it's too late to split up ashes, but DH and I put some in an urn that we keep at home and then we spread some of the ashes in a lake that we visit regularly. I also have a necklace that my girlfriends got me that contains a little bit of Jack's ashes as well. I wear it everyday. The urn at home is in Jack's room but eventually I will move it to a shelf in the living room.

Hugs. Let us know what you and YH decide to do. 

Auki13

I am so sorry for your losses.  We buried out baby girl, but I have heard that some women have buried their babies' ashes in their garden and then planted a tree/plant over it.  I always liked that idea.  Then the ashes are still with you, but not in the house.... I hope you figure out something that works for both of you, and we are here for you.  (((HUGS)))

Heatherhah

Our daughters ashes are in our Kurio cabinet in our living room with a memorial shelf that has things for her on it. I want her ashes close to me all the time. I also have a butterfly cremation necklace and I wear her ashes every single day so does DH, DS and we have one for our first DD when she is old enough to wear jewlery.

karebear57

I am so sorry for your loss of your babies. What are their names? I lost my little girl, Brianna, 4 months ago at 25wks. I have her ashes in an urn, its pink with butterflies on it, and it sits in my room until I have a better place for them. I also still want to get a necklace that I could put some of her ashes in. Do take your time deciding on what to do with their ashes. Let us know what you guys decide.

olp79

Thanks for your suggestions. I'll see what my DH thinks about that. We didn't name our baby boys, we had one name (Matthew) and were still thinking about the other name. When that happened, we were so depressed that decided not to give them names. I feel better that we did not because if I heard their names, I would start to cry.

wmthorpe0815

We have decided when we get the ahes back we will bury them in my inlaws land. When my husbands brother passed they planted a bush in his memory. We call it Michaels bush its very pretty at certain times of the year. I decided that I wanted her in a place that is peaceful and happy. She will always be in a place where we can come visit and I was afraid to put her in a cemetary or spread her ashes somewhere that I knew was a chance I may leave and never come back. I am so sorry for your loss. It is still super fresh for me and if you want to talk about all those really new feelings I would love to. Take care of yourself.

dandywarhol

So sorry about your loss.   

Sylvie's ashes are in the little plastic container in the relationship corner (feng shui) on top of our dresser in the bedroom.  I know I probably shouldn't keep them there forever but it feels right for now.  

We've talked of interring her at a family grave.  We're also considering having her ashes mixed with mine and maybe DH's when we pass.  

 

tracydg33

I did 2 things I had my son put in a urn and he is at home with me. We also did a stone in the cemeratery so that way we and other family memebers can go and visit with him I decorate it for every holiday and go out there and visit him even though he is at home with me i still feel a conection to him there as well.

hewinked

We got an urn, so we have our son's ashes with us at home.  I have a curio cabinet with a bunch of his things in it, including the urn.

Jackie2200

I am so sorry for your loss.  We had our twins creametd and we haev 2 tiny urns in a drawer in my DH's nightstand. We like that they're with us since every once in a while, like on special occasions (their bday) we can hold and kiss the urns. 

We decided that we'll hvae the urns buried with whichever one of us dies last. 

figgs0831

I am very sorry for your Loss. I bought a beautiful urn and it is currently sitting on our mantle. My hsband isn't comfortable with having them here either. He feels like it is too depressing and it is a constant reminder of what we lost. As a compromise, we decided that Once spring rolls around, we will bury his ashes in out family's plot  and get a small stone to put there. This way he won't be alone. 

weddedwife

We brought our son's ashes home. That was really important to us, to bring him home no matter what. His urn is a vase that we keep fresh flowers in. I want him to be with us always; that is where he belongs. The vase is on our mantle.

It was only just the other day that I decided I'd like to have his ashes buried with mine, whenever that time comes. I'd like a separate headstone for Nathaniel. We don't currently have a family plot but eventually we will get one.

erbarmywife

So so sorry for your loss!  We had our girls cremated, and right now they and their special things occupy the top 2 shelves of the bookcase in our living room.  Eventually, they will be buried with my grandmother, but for now I need them with me.

mdluv21

We had a funeral and had them buried.  I wanted a place to go visit.  Having them in the house was too unsettling for me.  You have to do what feels right to you.

((hugs))

nuttycoconut

We have 2 little urns that look like silver candles. They open up and the ashes are inside, sealed in a little container. A tealight fits on top so we can light them whenever we need to/want to. We put a small wooden shelf on the wall in our bedroom and put the 2 urns with a strand of rosary beads. It is very simple and beautiful and we love having them home with us.

cherrycobbler

I so sorry for the loss of your little ones.  We have an urn in our china china cabinet right now, it is one of the safer places as we are in the middle of decorating and that won't be going anywhere.  We have plans to split up what little ashes there are and leave some at a few of our favorite places, and leave the rest in the urn.  The urn is a very pretty wooden box and I bought a hand carved and painted robin that stands on top of the box.  I do like the idea of burying them in the yard and planting a tree though.As far as the baby stuff, we never did put any of the furniture together, so it sits in the garage in their boxes, and all of the small stuff (that we couldn't return) is packed away in boxes in hopes that one day we might be able to use it, or just give it away. 

ehlersm

We lost our boys in January. Right now the ashes are in a memory box in their room. In the spring, we are having a tree planted in a local park for them and plan to put the ashes in the ground with the tree. This makes me feel like they will be "alive" with the tree.

As far as the "stuff," my father and father in law came and took it all out of our house while we weren't there. I believe it is in my parents basement for now. 

Carolee

I'm so sorry for the loss of your babies.  We cremated Eliott, and we have his urn here at home.  It just felt right to us to bring him home, and at this point we have no plans to put his urn in a cemetary.  We had the urn in his nursery for a while, but DH moved it into our bedroom.

medblais

My DH and I decided on cremation because we don't plan on living in TX forever, and did not want to abandon our baby girl when we left.  I found a great website and purchased a simple child sized urn that I had engraved with her name and dates on the lid and the front is a place for her picture, under which it says 'Forever in our Hearts."  The urn sits on our mantle.  I know that it is filled with ash, but keeping her in the house makes me feel like a piece of her is still present in our home.  We have pictures and footprints and things put up around the house, but I feel like her final resting place should be with her family, and so keeping her remains in the urn in a central part of our home is comforting to me.

ally2011

I am so sorry for your losses.  We chose cremation for our daughter as well and had her ashes buried in an urn at my home church.  

I would say don't feel pressured to hurry up and decide.  Make sure you are making a decision that you will both be comfortable with in the long run, as it can't be un-done.  

One nice option is to plant a tree and mix the ashes in with the planting dirt.  Some ladies have selected a flowering tree and that gives them comfort each year when it blooms.  Just one idea.

There really are no wrong ideas....whatever will give you some peace.

I am so sorry again for your losses.

Hugs,

Jenn 

DragonflyBelle

Cailin's ashes are interred at our church's Columbarium, which is a wall for cremains. There is a really gorgeous prayer garden and waterfall there. It's so peaceful going to visit her.

eroplane

We have a shelf in our bedroom with their urns on them. The ones we got look like little leather, boxy, treasure chests. I like that we are all together. It does seem to bother my husband so I think someday we will scatter their ashes somewhere special to both of us.