babies & work? rantish
sarack
member
so there has been quite the past with my job and talk of babies. short recap:
jan 2010 i asked my job about short term disability. they freaked out, asked if i was ttc and if i was they needed to know. told me things i already know like, you should save money, there could be issues, blah blah blah
jan 2011 while playing with a baby that comes in our office, one of the people who freaked out the year before agreed that i needed to have a baby.. random but interesting.
today: i've been SO exhausted lately, but i just started a second job so that is most likely why. i also can't seem to be satisfied by any food.. i've been on a strict diet that cut out almost all carbs (besides fruit) and all sugar.. now eating those things aren't good to me.
anyway, my boss says "i hope you're not pregnant!"
that hurt my feelings. i hope i am. and i'm not telling them. lol.
eta: i don't think my boss meant that comment mean now that i think of it (the one today, the other comments were made by owners) i think she just knows that H&I are trying to pay our debt off and it would be better a few months down the road with that in mind. i'm sure she'll be excited..
we're having twins!
Re: babies & work? rantish
This exactly! On the other hand, sometimes people say stupid things and have no filter, I would do my best to ignore it. Sorry!!
Sounds like your co-workers/boss are being a$shats and not thinking before they speak. However, your HR dept.(or anyone in your office for that matter) absolutely does NOT have a right to know if you're TTC. It isn't any of their business!
And, based on what they've said already, I would not tell them a thing until you have too. Making a statement like "there could be issues" would concern me. Are you covered under FMLA? Are there 50+ employees?
DH and I tried for almost 3 years before I got pregnant with LO. After 4 failed IUIs we were actually saving for IVF when we found out I was pregnant. You would not believe the rude comments I got from my coworkers while we were trying.
"I can't believe you aren't pregnant yet, what's wrong with you?!" "You guys shouldn't wait too long or you will never be parents." "You guys have had enough time to yourselves you should have kids!" After the "you'll never be parents" comment I went into a conference room and cried.
People are complete morons, ignore them! I hope you are pregnant too!
Number two
i hope so. i should try to figure out how many employees we have.. i'll go talk to my boss, lol.
#1-BFP 08-22-09 ~ M/C 08-31-09 at 5 weeks 6 days
#2-BFP 08-6-11 ~ Due 04/18 ~ born via c-section April 22, 2012
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I'm not sure exactly what employers are legally allowed to ask employees, but I suspect they might've crossed a legal line. Regardless, they certainly weren't being very thoughtful with their comments and I'm sorry you have to deal with that kind of environment.
I'm an engineer and was one of the only women at my previous job. Often I appreciated being treated as "one of the guys" though it meant having to ignore a lot of dirty jokes/inappropriate comments (not directed at me, just general guy humor/immaturity). I miss the camaraderie but now am thankful for the more businesslike environment of my new job.
I would definitely wait to tell them once you are pregnant. I told my boss after I was done with the 1st trimester, but knew that he would react well and had already read about maternity benefits on HR's website. I'm sure I could have safely waited another several months to tell my boss and coworkers before anyone would've realized anything was up. Which still would've left 4-5 months for everyone to make all the necessary arrangements -- that seems like plenty of notice.
I'm sure everything will work out for the best eventually. Exhaustion was my BFF's first sign she was pregnant, so you never know, it could be sooner than you think ;-)
Wow! That is so thoughtless and rude for people to speak to you that way. I think that PPs have brought up some very wise points and given good advice. You have the right to be private about your personal life, and if they try to pull anything on you with your job when you do get pregnant, you should take it to the highest HR person you can. I also recommend reading up on your company's disability, maternity leave, and FMLA policies so that you know exactly what is owed to you if and when you do tell.
I'll be sending some hopeful baby dust your way, too!
This was my workplace. I told my boss a bit early because she was retelling a conversation at a lunch I missed on who would be next to have a baby. I was new to the company and no one thought of me so she placed her (imaginary) bet on me. I told her she won.
She was so excited she teared up, but she kept asking "you'll come back, right?" and she kept her mouth shut for another few weeks until I felt comfortable telling everyone else. I had no FMLA protection as a new employee, but they welcomed me back after a 3+ month leave and were very accommodating of all appointments while pregnant and sick baby time after we started daycare.
So not the best-HR-Friendly way, but people are people and it sounds like your boss has foot-in-mouth issues and is concerned about her team. The other ladies gave great advice, but I'd also like to add--document these comments in case something ever comes up int he future. Ideally it won't, but best to protect yourself and your income.