Did anyone not love the infant stage?

WinesNotWhines

There were lots of great individual baby moments, but as a whole, I feel like I didn't really start to enjoy parenthood until my kid was 9-10 months old, and then I started to really enjoy it after 1 year. Did anyone else feel the same way, and still decide to have another baby? Did you just reconcile yourself to the fact that 9 months of pregnancy + the first few months with a baby may suck (especially because you'll have another kid in the mix, too), and you're willing to accept it because you know it gets better later? I'm totally serious.

mcatmay

I obviously can't comment past 6 months but I can honestly tell you that it now kills me to leave DD because she's so much fun whereas the first three months were more about meeting basic needs and not so much in the way of 'reward'. She now snuggles into me, squeals for me, plays peekaboo and giggles, all of which is so much fun to see. My mom also told me that she wasn't a fan of the baby stage but LOVED watching us grow up. I think she would second your statement of it being more fun once they hit 9 months.

I_love_cupcakes

I think the infant stage was tough, at least for me, because it was all so new.  I had no idea what I was doing.  DS was sick very often (preemie problems), and the stress of having to take time off from work on top of it was overwhelming.  As he got older and could communicate more--even non-verbally--and we could ENJOY him more, it became more fun. 

We have our feet under us now, and while there are still daily challenges, DH and I are more secure in our parenting.  For the past year and a half or so, DS has just been so much fun.  We've finally reached a point where we think we're ready for a #2.  A year ago, we were still on the fence...days we thought we could handle it, other days we really considered being "one and done". 

kafunder

Yup, for the most part I hated it. It was so much work and so little sleep, combined with some PPD. Everyday, I wished for the day they were older. I couldn't wait to go back to work at 4 months. I really didn't start enjoying it until about 8 months or so--when they could sit up on their own. I actually told DH that I didn't feel like I started being a mom until they were 9 months. Before that, I was just a feeding, diapering, bottle-washing machine.

As for having another baby, I actually want another b/c I think a second baby would be more enjoyable than having twinfants and want to experience that (in addition to other reasons for wanting another baby). And if it sucks, at least the next time around, you know what you're in for and it's a finite amount of time that will seem short when you look back later. The first time around, I couldn't convince myself it would ever end. 

MrsPhilDunphy

I liked a lot of the first year, but it did get exponentially better the second year. The very first month SUCKED. Infant stage was okay, but I am just not a newborn person. I'm willing to do it again because in hindsight, while it feels like an eternity, it was really only a month. And, I'm hoping I'll be a little more relaxed about the whole ordeal (experienced moms of two can go ahead and laugh at me if this is totally false).

umdbride

So I don't have the after 1 year experience yet, but I have really, really started to enjoy DS and feel like we have some semblance of a life back.  I think for me, everything really started to turn a corner around 8 months or so, and just keeps getting easier and more fun.  I did not love pregnancy or the small baby stages.

Sometimes I think I miss the babyness, but really it's  that I'm so amazed at how fast he's developed I kind of wish I took more time to enjoy it (although at the time I seem to remember there not being any time for anything!).  And I get a little in awe of pregnancy now, so I'm sort of looking forward to being PG again because I think I might enjoy it more now that I really know the outcome and how fleeting it is. 

I can totally relate to questioning #2.  Our original plan is to TTC later this summer and I'm starting to wonder if maybe we should do it sooner just to get it over with!  It seems kind of silly to wait until DS is even easier to get sucked back into all the baby craziness, but then again, I'm not ready for all that just yet. 

so yea, I guess I plan to suck it up and say that our life is going to be chaos for a little while longer.

VARedhead

Me! Me! (Waving hand wildly.) I offered to give DS to a coworker for the first 4 months; she apparently loves the infant stage and doesn't like the stuff beyond. I hate the lack of sleep, the lack of routine, and especially with the first child, the complete sense of cluelessness.

That said, DH and I both grew up in families with 2 kids, so already knew we wanted 2. I am just going to have to deal with the infant part again, and try to enjoy it as much as I can because we are not doing it again.

I felt like life got better when DD started to smile, then when she started to laugh. I felt more gratified. Then, at 7 months when she started sleeping through the night, life got much better and I felt more human again.

RomeRomance06

For me it's just apples and oranges. First off - I was very, very ill the first 4-6 weeks after DD was born so I kind of wish I could go back, work harder to stay healthy, and enjoy it more. I know those first few weeks are a blur anyway, but I really feel like I missed out on some quality bonding time because I felt like such poo, I was in the hospital, etc. Also, I was very lucky because DD was naturally an easygoing baby. BUT, she is sooooo much more fun now. I thought I would dread the crawling stage, but it just makes it so much easier to play with her and I'm actually looking forward to when she's walking and talking, etc. I'm a little torn, I guess. I did not love recovering while trying to learn how to take care of an infant, so I think it'll be easier the next time around, in that respect.  

victoria1212

the infant stage was not particularly hard for me because DD was a super lazy baby and slept A LOT. She did not have reflux, excessive crying or any other issue that I think causes a lot of stress. Literally, I could take her anywhere and she was guaranteed to sleep through it all. I did not love being pregnant or love how I felt post-pregnancy but DD was a relatively easy baby. Now, once she learned to be mobile- she became a different, very active kid.

But, we are not having a second child so not sure how this fits into your poll

ch ch ch chia

I feel the same way.  Even one year olds aren't that much fun...

I love toddlers - approx age 2-4. 

kastle

I loved the infant stage...once I stopped BFing. Clearly it works for some people, but it was *not* working for me.  Sprout was a cuddly little guy that slept pretty good & didn't have any real issues (colic, reflux, etc.).  My answer might be different if he didn't nap well or had other issues.

He hasn't been cuddly since starting to walk (at 10 months).  He's starting to understand that mommy likes hugs & kisses, but it's not the same.

 

otoro98

The first three months were REALLY hard, I was not a fan. I think I really started to enjoy DD as a "person" around 5/6 months.  She's about to turn one in March, and there are some baby things I already miss, and I am still sad about no more BF (I stopped - or rather, she did, around 8 mos), but I am excited about the new stuff she learns and how she expresses herself more and more every day.

Hey Jellisy

I'll tell you this, I enjoyed the infant stage with the second so much more.  There wasn't a learning curve, I knew what I had to look forward to and just enjoyed the moments I had (with DD I felt like I was constantly looking for the next milestones, with DS I never cracked a parenting book).  The first time around the infant stage was a lot more overwhelming.  

QueSrah

I did not like the baby stage.  The crying, the witching hour, the no sleep, the physical pain of BFing sometimes.  I want to have another one, but I think infancy traumatized DH more than me.  And since it took 4 mos. for my C/S incision to heal closed in addition to all the other stuff, I was pretty darn traumatized.  It's really going to take some convincing to get DH on board with actually having a second - not just theoretically we'd like to have another.

vtkgirl77

Oh my goodness. This is such a timely question because I am totally feeling that I'm not good at the infant to 18 month old stage right now. Originally, we both really wanted 3 kids but for the past 6 months, I have been seriously doubting that I can go through this again. 

DD#1 who is 2.5 yo seems like a cake walk because she can communicate her needs, she is pretty good at following instructions, she can do a lot of things herself (like eating, drinking, throwing something in the trash, putting away her clothes, etc.), she can entertain herself for short periods of time (and even longer when the TV is on), and she consistently sleeps for 12 hours every night and takes 3-4 hour naps on the weekends.

On the other hand, DD#2 requires so much oversight at this stage. She just started crawling and she is always into something so I constantly have to re-direct her from playing in the dog bowl, pulling dirt out of the plant, keep her from pulling the DVR off the entertainment center, etc. She was sick in November, December, January, and February. Right now, she is fighting a double ear infection which left her crying non-stop from 10pm-2:30am on Monday night. Dinner is so hectic because we are trying to feed her and she's usually fussy in the evenings. Somehow I hurt my shoulder last week (probably from all of the lifting) and was in a shoulder sling for 4 days. All of this stress combined means that DH and I are more on edge, snap at each other more, and are generally more exhausted. It's just rough.

But I know that DD#2 will gain more independence as time goes on, that the sicknesses will subside, and that we are generally a happier family in the spring/summer/fall when we can be outdoors more and when the days are longer. I keep telling myself, "this too shall pass" but it is rough when you are in the moment. Also, I have to say that I ADORE DD#2 and my comments on her are not personal. She is a sweet little girl and has a smile and laugh that light up the whole room. It's just that the baby stage is a rough ride and I am in the middle of a valley.

tomandcourt

I would say until he was sleeping better at night (only waking up once a night at around 4 months), and I was out of the house more at work, I did not really "enjoy" it. There were some sweet moments, when he started smiling and whatnot, but it was sooooooooo rough.

I really want another baby, but I will say when we were (briefly) expecting a while ago, I was definitely nervous trying to comprehend how we'd juggle it. We have a great routine down now and I know it will be all shot to hell. I hope I'll be be better prepared because I'll know what's coming

Sofka

Hey Jellisy:

I'll tell you this, I enjoyed the infant stage with the second so much more.  There wasn't a learning curve, I knew what I had to look forward to and just enjoyed the moments I had (with DD I felt like I was constantly looking for the next milestones, with DS I never cracked a parenting book).  The first time around the infant stage was a lot more overwhelming.  

I agree! I am not a fan of the newborn/baby stage, at all. I like it much more when the child can tell you what she wants (or point or grunt).  I don't like the can't-figure-out-why-she's-crying stage, the constant "what does she want??" and of course, not STTN. DD did not STTN til 11mo and DS - 14mo!!

But with DS, I forced myself to enjoy the baby stage more b/c he's our last one. He hardly left my arms for the 2 days we were in the hospital - only to be held by visitors and medical personnel. At home,  I treasured every moment more b/c I knew I would never have it again, even though the sleep deprivation and exhaustion were even worse the 2nd time around (DD was still a "baby" herself at only 20mo old).

I think the 1st 12-18mo of the 2nd baby's life are hard b/c you are a slave to feeding/napping schedule but we are getting to the point now where I can see us taking weekend trips and skipping naps (DD no longer naps on weekends) and maybe even going to bed later (gasp!! I am a night routine stickler) and everyone being OK.

If you want a 2nd child, don't let the baby stage change your mind!

mcatmay

I didn't answer the 'would we have a second kiddo' question. We definitely want another one but initially, we solidly wanted three. Now DH and I look at our lives, our finances and job situatuion and just decided to reeval everything when baby girl is one. We'll decide at that point when to TTC #2 and, based on how that goes, weMll see about #3. I was in a rush bc i'm going to be 34 this year but we both decided that we had to be mentally prepared....we were caught flat-footed with dd and i am still recovering from how emtionallyawful i felt the first 6 weeks of dd's life. In retrospect, i'm sure i went through some ppd and am not mentally ready to deal with that again so soon. I love enjoying my child without a cloud hanging over my head-

bh2720

Warner was an exceptionally good baby and the only reason I didn't love the infant stage was because of all the spitting up. It was unrelenting and just such a freaking mess everyday and all the time that it was hard to enjoy him sometimes. 

And I feel terribly guilty saying that because he slept through the night at 9 weeks, hardly every cried and was just such a good little guy (and so stinkin' cute!), but the massive spit ups were just awful.

I'm braced for the worst with this new baby, but I can't help but hope and pray that he doesn't spit up like his big bro. 

Useonfire

I could have written this.  I would give ANYTHING to skip the infant stage. As a whole, I don't find it rewarding, enjoyable, or cute. I mostly find it exasperating, and this is coming from a mom of a ridiculously easy child. I cannot even begin to tell you how much more I preferred DS once he started walking and communicating.  And now that he's almost 2.5? Forget about it.  I would have 10 kids if they could all be born at age 2. This is going to sound horrible, but I much prefer cuddling a dog to a newborn.  I'm that person who will fawn all over your dogs and roll around with them.  You want me to hold your newborn? Not half as enthusiastic.  I'm truly not a baby person.  Even with my own kids!  Perhaps I'll change this time around, but I've been like this for as long as I can remember. Fortunately for me, my DH IS a baby person. If he holds anyone's newborn long enough, he'll get teary-eyed (sorry DH if you ever read this!). 

belizeitornot

I agree with it being apples and oranges for us. I loved the little wrinkly snuggly squooshy baby and the coos and baby smell.... and about lost my shiit with the difficult BFing issues and the inconsolable crying from colic for weeks on end.

Yet, I love H at this age right now too because she's so much more an actual little person than just baby.... but the serious monopoly she has on my attention when awake is hard to adjust to. I can't leave her alone to play to do much of anything for myself. And the whining. (Need I say more!)

Of course I know there's no guarantee a second baby experience will be anything at all like the first, which makes it harder to pull the trigger on #2.

 

zeptattoo

I feel the exact same way, although we are not having any more kids.

mlvmd

I feel similarly.  DS was a difficult baby.  Happy, smiling, just really high energy from day one.  He also didn't sleep through the night for eighteen months.  Even now he is a crap sleeper.  Other than the sleep I fall more in love with him every day.  I love each stage more and more.  That still doesn't mean I want another child.  DH really wants another child but as he works nights and loves his job I told him I can't do the sleep deprivation thing by myself again so we'll be a one child family for the foreseeable future.

AgrippaRidesAgain

DS's infant stage almost made us one and done.  Colic, undiagnosed silent reflux, and general unhappiness until he hit 10 months old.  Honestly, I was 99% sure that we were done with kids.  Then the second year hit.  OMG, the second year is my absolute favorite thus far.  They are cute and learning so much, and their tantrums are so easy to deal with.  They are easily distractible and easily entertained (although highly impulsive and, well, distractible). I PPH x 1,000,000 the second year.

DS hit 15 months and suddenly I decided that we needed a second child.  DD was a dream newborn and infant, but honestly, I still wasn't a huge fan of  babyhood. Toddlerhood, here we come!

Oh, and I'm ignoring the hell that 3 is and just hoping for a better 4. 

****AWS****

LOVE the infant stage, I could do without my 4.5 year old though. :-P 

AgrippaRidesAgain

****AWS****:

LOVE the infant stage, I could do without my 4.5 year old though. :-P 

 NOOO!  You're supposed to tell me that the 4's are better!

Uugh. 

Sofka

AgrippaRidesAgain:

****AWS****:

LOVE the infant stage, I could do without my 4.5 year old though. :-P 

 NOOO!  You're supposed to tell me that the 4's are better!

Uugh. 

yes, exactly!!!

 

Jitterbug2668

**I raise both my hands**

 Even though I had a great sleeper, the reflux did a number on my ego and perception as to if I could handle another.  When DS has those "terrible 2" moments now I breakdown thinking I'm going to absolutely lose my freaking mind staying at home with 2.  On the flip side of things, it does fly by and I'll be thankful the 2 are close together in age as they're growing up.  Ask me again in July!

NicoNiko

I had two easy babies and I didn't love the infant stage either time.  But, totally worth it now.  I was just saying this weekend that although I can't believe my "baby" is already 18 months, I am so glad he is that age and not an infant. 

tracy042206

I did not have easy infants and I do not even like the stage.  I will say there some minutes here and there when I did enjoy holding them and their little bodies but that was really only because I told myself it would be gone so fast.  That was also only really with Molly because I knew she was my last one.  The lack of sleep just totally does me in and add in the crying and it is just not much fun at all.  I was not looking forward to it when pg with #2.  I did want to get it over with but I knew the delivery and being done with being pregnant was not the end of my troubles. 

Luckily we did not have to make the #2 decision because I really do not know when when I would have been all  "Sign me up for 9 mo of misery while being pregnant and then another 6 mo of torture".  I am so happy they are close in age now but it was rough when they were both so little.  I am thrilled to be done with the infant stage.

****AWS****

AgrippaRidesAgain:

****AWS****:

LOVE the infant stage, I could do without my 4.5 year old though. :-P 

 NOOO!  You're supposed to tell me that the 4's are better!

Uugh. 

For us the half ages have always been the hardest. Carter is 4.5 and we've had a really tough few months behavior wise.  

Amy&Steve0421

When I had my work shower - a co-worker said to me he thought that the phrase "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times" was the perfect description of life w/a newborn.

There were moments I loved - of him falling asleep on my shoulder, breastfeeding and feeling so bonded - and loved the entire first week - but then colic/reflux/my anxiety kicked in and there were some really hard times. 

I do plan to have a second - I think I have some amnesia about colic - but I also think it is unlikly to happen again - but even if it does - I really know it will end this time - I mean people told me that all the time - but I will really know it in my bones - if you know what I mean

I also think colic is a lot like depression - so many people told me I should have tried a little fresh air or a sling - I tried everything - if fresh air and a sling cure your baby's colic - it isn't colic - just like fresh air and a walk in the park may help if you are feeling blue but will do nada for intense clincial depression.

I try to change the subject w/newborn/infancy comes up - I find people who really experienced colic get it - but those who didn't - never will.

Amy&Steve0421

And even though I liked Dr. Sears and followed most of his advice - I really just wanted a story where the baby was screaming - and you tried everything - and nothing worked - and it was miserable - but everyone got through it

His whole "everytime I put the baby in the sling - the baby was immediatly soothed" thing made me want to throw the book across the room

tomandcourt

Amy&Steve0421:

His whole "everytime I put the baby in the sling - the baby was immediatly soothed" thing made me want to throw the book across the room

 

katezta

I didn't love parenting until 9-10 months at all.  We decided to have more children and just suck up the beginning.  I think it is totally worth it afterwards.  I also was not into pregnancy.  It was a means to an end.  That being said, I am enjoying the baby stage more this time.  I took the year off of work and while it is hard, I am able to focus more at the task at hand and that has helped me enjoy the little things.  It doesn't feel like so much work.  Also, it has helped me that I am more relaxed and not so stressed about it all the second time around.