Fluckityfluck - what now?

lavril

This cycle's a bust and I have no idea what to do next cycle. 

A little background: 
1st BFP 2nd cycle off bcp, first cycle trying
Loss 12w
Took 77 days to get first cycle
Next cycles were 63, 72, 63 (provera), 30
Then we did 2 clomid cycles (good response, 2nd wasn't great lining)
Then took a break and did 2 natural cycles (perfect as far as O on cd15 and LP 15 days)

Now I feel so torn - my RE suggests IUI as the next step.  I didn't mind trying naturally the last 2 cycles b/c my cycles were back to normal, and I was travelling so it was just easier.  So here I sit, no bfp, no baby, and no idea what to do.  It's been almost 16months since my last bfp .  DH isn't too keen on IUI b/c it seems more artificial and it's like we're really admitting there's a problem, but despite his concerns I think he's still open to it.  We both really want kids and would do anything to make that happen.   So why am I hesitating?  I don't want to do another Clomid + TI - if we're doing drugs I'd rather go IUI.

Also, DH will be having knee surgery sometime in the next 6 months (depending on how long it takes for insurance to approve).  RE says not to count on that month or the next couple b/c anesthesia has a tendency to kill sperm.  We have a little bit of time before then, but not too much.

So I guess my options right now are try natural again, focus on reducing stress, exercising, etc and ride it out, or plunge into the IUI + Clomid.

We're also both 30 if that matters - so time isn't too much of an issue yet.

If you were in my shoes what would you do?

 

Sorry this got so long.  You all deserve some Mardi Gras King Cake!

 

butterfly843

I would go forward with an IUI cycle, especially because dh will be having surgery soon and you won't be able to cycle with the RE during that time.

delino

I'm so sorry you are in this situation. If your cycles are back to normal and you have no MFI issues then I might give it another couple of months and then if nothing try IUI.  I understand the idea that it seems unnatural and wanting to do it the old fashioned way.  This exact thinking is why I am going through loss #3.  Either you will get to the point where enough is enough and you move on to let modern medicine help you get your baby, or you get lucky enough to get your miracle all on your own.  The decision comes down to how patient you are.

Carolee

That's a hard decision.  My Dh feels the same way about IUI, and there has been some arguing in our house about doing/not doing IUI.  If I were in your shoes, I would probably go ahead and do the IUI for several reasons: 1 - your RE is recommending it, and 2 - you've done 2 clomid + TI cycles.  Clomid isn't something you want to keep taking over and over (trust me, I've done it and regret it now).  By moving on to IUI, you can do clomid again and give it the best chance of success by adding IUI.  GL whatever you decide!

Thanks for the yummy cake!

lavril

Thank you all for your suggestions.  I had a long talk w/ DH tonight and he's really uncomfortable with IUI.  In addition to his concerns with it not feeling very natural, he's also worried about our current stress levels (super high).  We're both working full time and finishing up grad school (May & June graduations), in addition to finishing a house remodel and dealing w/ his upcoming surgery (he's having trouble just walking b/c of knee pain).  He thinks we need to just relax and not add more to our plate.  While I can't argue with that, I don't want to feel like I'm "wasting" more time too.  Aaah I just don't know.  I guess we still have a few more days until we really have to decide. 

Thanks again for letting me get this off my chest.  It's nice to talk to ladies who totally get it. 

lotus88

I'm sorry this cycle is a bust. ((hugs)) My DH would have the same reservations about taking things to the next level. It's great that your cycles are getting back where they should be, but I know I would be hung up on the 16month thing, plus the extra pressure of DH's pending surgery. I have some friends IRL who did IUI with great results so I think I'd be more apt to start IUI. You can try a cycle with it and if it's not a good fit, you're not locked in. You can focus on the reducing stress, etc. 

buckeyebaby814

If you can do IUI (not too much of a strain on finances) I would go for it.  ::HUGS:: 

1220winterbride

I agree w/ PP.

HI, I understand your concerns and your DH reservations but if you are open then GO FOR IT! I think it dramatically increases your odds for success and makes the most of the Clomid.

My fingers are crossed for you, girl!!

mork

*HUGE HUGS*  GL with your decision doll.

bluebonnetmeg

That is a tough decision. I would say go for the IUI, but not if your DH is that uncomfortable with it. ((hugs))

amidkiff

I agree with the other ladies. I would go forward with the IUI. Especially with the surgery your DH will be having, if you wait that could put it off even longer. Good luck with whatever you and your DH decide to do, we'll be here for you. ((Hugs))

CashewsMommy

If your DH is up to it, I would probably move on to an IUI. If you think you would be happier trying more on your own, then try natural. Is it a huge cost issue? IUI's are a big cost issue for us, which is why we're saving up for the procedure. It'll be about $1000+ OOP for us. 

Rawr08

If you feel ready move forward with IUI, if not, wait until after DH has surgery.  I know what you mean about going forward with IUI, you want so bad to have it happen "naturally", but if it isn't working you need to move to the next step.  I hope IUI is what you need to get KTFU with your take home baby!!!

kate6267

Sorry this cycle didnt work. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Deethebee

I'm not sure if it's appropriate for me to post here, but from what I understand it's been 7 cycles since your loss?

If you are finally having normal O and LP, then stay away from the Clomid + TI. And my unpopular opinion is that you should wait on the IUI. You both have so much on your plates with work and surgery scheduled, and DH is obviously not accepting the fact that you need to take it to the next level. You have time to see how the natural route pans out.

My DH is 32 and is not even ready to accept that we need to FWP, let alone have to get assistance eventually. It's hard to get men to accept this fact. If you are dead-set on it, though, sit him down and tell him this is what you want. Period.

That's my .02, in any event I wish you the best of luck in whatever route you choose to take.

lavril

Thanks ladies for your honest advice.  I really appreciate it! 

We just found out that DH will be going in for a scope & biopsy next Thursday (cd9 for me).   I thought it would be later than that, so that may influence the decision too.   I don't know what exact local anesthesia or meds he'll be on, but we may not even have the option of IUI this cycle.  I will definitely find out.

As for cost, my insurance covers a percentage of IUI, but b/c of his surgery, we know we'll hit our OOP max this year, so really it doesn't matter b/c we'll be paying that total already (I think somewhere around 4k).  Which makes me want to max the number we do this year!

Dee - no problem - I welcome the comments!  As for # of cycles, this is now cycle #10 ttcal (14 months total).