19 months apart- any experience?

marcia1108

There will be about 19 months between my two DS's..

I hadnt really been worried about it, but a few days ago I went and visited my good friends newborn and when I started holding her, my DS saw it, dropped everything he was doing/playing with and ran over to me to throw a HUGE fit. He was sobbing uncontrolably, to the point where no noise was even coming out anymore. My friend tried to pick him up but he wanted nothing to do with her... just kept pulling on my leg and threw himself on the floor crying. I ended up giving her baby back and picking him up- it took me a while to calm him down.

This is the first time that he has acted like this about ANYTHING.... he never throws fits and hardly cries about anything. I am a SAHM and needless to say now I am a little nervous about how he is going to handle mommy holding a newborn all of the time soon!

People keep saying "he will be older and he will understand", well it is only 3 months away (I have a CS scheduled for May) and he is not going to be that much older.. I really dont think he is going to understand at all.

Do any of you ladies have any experience with this? What did you do and/or how did you handle it?

CaitlinJ22

My son was the same way. My kids are 18 months apart and when he was 12 months and up he would flip if I touched a nother baby. It worried me, but I knew it would be different with my own. 

Well I had her and the first thing my sister recommended I do was not hold the newborn while my son came into the hospital room to see us. It was a great idea, he was happy to see me, we had some time and then he discovered the baby on his own. He was happy, but did not want to hold her. He would push her away. Which was fine.

My mom was in town and my DH was off of work for 2 wks, so it helped that he got a TON of attention, but also I was able to keep my routine the same with him to an extent. I insisted on doing bath everynight and it made me feel productive and we had alone time. When I nursed her in front of him he would get upset, but it wasnt cause of what she was doing, but that I was holding her. It was VERY hard as I was emotional, but I made sure to hold her a little longer and then put her down so he didnt think he had control. I would then love on him. 

Eventually he got used to her, and Id say 2 wks were hard, but it was fine since she slept a lot in the beginning and I would shower him with attention when I she was asleep.

He'll be ok. There is not much you can do to prepare. He will just have to realize that the baby is staying. The good news is he wont remember it, and he will LOVE his new sibling when s/he starts to smile and coo, and eventually play with him.

Mine are 20 months and 3y2m and they are best friends (as my son says). He protects her, and plays with her and loves her a lot. Of course they have their moments, but I wouldnt change their spacing for the world.  

2u24me

Mine are 18 mo apart and i had a similar experience before ds2 was born. I was worried but ds1 acted completely differently with his little brother. From the first time he saw him he loved him (Corney, i know) there are other challenges for sure but i wouldn't worry about your ds' reaction to his sibling based on that experience. Hth!

penguinem

I don't have 2u2 but was lurking over here for some tips regarding having a 2.5 year old and a newborn as I'm still adjusting and overwhelmed. My DD is obviously older, but we had a similar experience prior to DS being born; a friend was over nursing her baby (I obviously Wasn't even holding the baby) and I made a comment about our baby nursing. DD flipped out. She is very verbal, and when we talked about she said she was "mad about that and I will not like to watch it!" We talked about the baby coming a LOT and did a lot of books about baby coming and play. Maybe getting him a doll to play with and prepare with? Kids learn so well through play. Anyway, DD has adjusted better than DH or I. She is SO accepting of him, and she is fine watching him nurse . There have been minor jealousies but it's been great overall. I'd bet you DS already has an awareness that there will be a baby in his life and seeing you holding the baby increased his anxiety. Whatever you can do to prepare him will help with that anxiety when baby comes.

memali26

My girls are 19 months apart. When DD1 was 14-15 months I babysat for the last 6 weeks of the school year while the mom came back from maternity leave. DD1 was a little jealous when I was holding/feeding the baby, but adjusted within a few days. I was nervous it would be different when she realized her sister wasn't going home at the end of the day, but she really surprised me and has done fantastic adjusting. We had family here on and off for the first week and a half, so she got plenty of attention and I think that helped. When she came to the hospital we had DH holding the new baby so DD1 could come snuggle with me first, but she pretty much ignored me and went straight to DH and the baby. She was so curious and interested and really did love her from the start. The girls are now 2y and 5 months and they adore each other and just light up when they have each other's attention. DD1 does still get a little jealous once in a while, but I try to really involve her with DD2 and when the baby naps in the morning I give DD1 extra attention. But we've never had any real meltdowns or issues since bringing DD2 home. It really went more smoothly than I could have hoped, and hopefully it will for you, too!

akbride25

My kids were 18.5 months apart and we dealt with the same thing for a while. We realized that it might be a problem, so we made an effort to have him see us holding other babies and children. We had close friends who had a baby four months before us, and we regularily volunteered in the church nursery. He eventually adjusted and had no problem when we brought his sister home.

delg23

My kids are 17 months apart. My son has not been wildly jealous of the baby. Just a little bit. I got him his own baby doll and the My New Baby book off of Amazon which I read to him before hand. I don't know if that helped or it was his temperament because he never saw me hold a baby before.