Going back to work tomorrow....

figgs0831

And I have been freaking out since yesterday. I am getting really bad anxiety and just the thought of walking through the door is making me sick. I already know the looks I'm going to get and all the "I'm sorry" and "it wasn't meant to be" comments. I don't know how I am going to deal with this. I've done really well at avoiding people since having Mason, so I haven't had to deal with anyone face to face.

On  top of that, I am kind of embarrassed to go back to work. Is that weird???? I feel like such a failure and I hate that this is the 2nd time where I get to do what feels like the walk of shame. I hate this. Everyone one there knows he is gone and everyone watched me go through his before. I feel like everyone is thinking the same thing... "poor girl keep losing babies". I know alot is probably in my head, but I can't shake the feelings...

How do you deal with this???? 

dandywarhol

{{hugs}}  The stigma is difficult.    Do you have the type of job where you can leave if it's too difficult?  I remember someone sharing the her experience of returning to work and saying that she had a "3 cry rule" - if she cried 3 times then she left for the day.  I found that rule to be helpful to me.  I never used it but having a threshold helped me.  Also, I spoke to my boss and was honest and told him that I would do my best to be all the office for full days but there might be times when I would need to leave.  He was understanding - that helped a lot as well.  Another person suggested just going back 1/2 days for the first week or so in order to ease yourself back into the routine. 

Petunia844

I'm so sorry, I wish I had some advice.  All I know is if I needed to cry at work I did...and try not to worry about what they think, nobody there has been through what you have... if they are thinking anything it's of no consequence to you, they haven't been in your shoes.  ((hugs))

krysiahamaty

I wish I had more to say... Big hugs and I'll be thinking of you. I hope it goes as well as it can for you. We are here for you when your day is over or if you can vent throughout the day. 

cherrycobbler

I felt embarrassed as well.  I don't know why we feel that way, we didn't do anything wrong.  I don't think anyone is as hard on us as ourselves.  I just tried to do my job, not care what anyone thought, and cried in the bathroom when I needed to.  There is nothing to be ashamed of.  I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and hope you have an easy day.  I also recommend making it a half day, if at all possible.  Big (hugs) to you.

olp79

Hi, I went to work on Friday after losing my twin boys at 22w3d on 2/6 :-(. My coworkers tried to make me laugh and brought donughts but I still broke down. It got better as they day went by. I'm glad I went back to work even though I was sad and embarrassed like you. I cried three times but as the day went by, my mind was busy and I felt better than being at home. I'll go back tomorrow after the long weekend and I hope no one asks me anything else. My boss's wife had 2 losses and now they have 2 boys, so I hope you and I can have successful pregnancies one day. Good luck and keep us posted.

Gizu92708

Ugh. I don't want to go to work either because I'm embarrassed as well. What a horrible feeling. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow hoping that your day is not as bad as you expect it.

butterfly843

(((hugs))) I will keep you in my thoughts tomorrow.

weddedwife

cherrycobbler:

I felt embarrassed as well.  I don't know why we feel that way, we didn't do anything wrong.  I don't think anyone is as hard on us as ourselves.  I just tried to do my job, not care what anyone thought, and cried in the bathroom when I needed to.

This exactly.

The only advice I can give you is to EXPECT it to suck really bad for a while. Then if you actually have an ok day it's a pleasant surprise.

littlepenguin2012

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.  ((hugs))

magdalina.h

For me, I went back a week before I started to get the sad looks out of the way.

Heatherhah

Thinking of you today !! Hugs!!

Mjmksb04

I know the feeling. I hate knowing that people probably pity me and talk behind my back about how my reproductive history is the worst thing they have ever heard. Just try to put one foot in front of the other, let yourself feel whatever you are feeling and you will get through the day. I found that the anticipation leading up to going back was worse than actually going back.

nuttycoconut

Thinking of you! I felt embarrassed all week too and had trouble looking people in the eye. I don't know why, I guess because I feel as though I failed my babies. Also I feel like my coworkers will always pity me and think of me as the teacher who lost her babies. On the bright side they will be more excited for us than anyone once we have our rainbow babies!! Hope you have a better day than you expected.