Just need to hear that it gets better and soon

GAbride2006

I just want to hear that soon my days of sleep deprivation will start to get better. I can't determine if I have PPD or exhaustion. I do all the night feedings and then I am here all day by myself. My babies are 7 weeks old and still wake every 3 hours. I am beyond exhausted. I can't think straight, I cry all the time. I am just so tired. I usually feed the babies and get in bed about 11 then up for feeding about 1:30-2 for another feeding. My daughter has gotten to where she will only fall asleep laying on someone's chest so I lay with her til she is in a deep sleep and I can put her down. Back up about 4:30 and same thing, This feeding though my son likes to stay awake for a while so we do that and then at 7:00 it's another feeding where they both want to stay awake for a while. I feel like I just can't do it anymore. If both babies wake up at the exact same time, my husband will help with one but that's about it. I think his thinking is that he works and I stay home so I should do it. Whenever, I mention being so tired and sleep deprived he always says, 'I know, me too." I want to scream. Let me clarify here that he is a wonderful Daddy and helps a TON in the afternoon when he gets home and he totally understand my PPD or whatever this is and talks to me about it and expresses his concerns to my Mom. I feel like 3 days to myself would make all the difference in the world. I called my mom crying Saturday and begged her to come and she did. She did all the night feedings Saturday night and I got some sleep. It was amazing and a first. I said to my husband last night who had been out with friends all day (per me insisting, I do still realize he needs his time too) that I was already so tired and sleepy again and he said "but you got to sleep last night' Does he not understand that one night does not make up for 7 weeks of no sleep. Plus I didn't sleep for weeks on end before having them b/c I had very painful carpal tunnel that would keep me up. Just needed to vent. 

atc282

First, sorry you are feeling so sleep deprived. I so remember those days ( sleep deprivation with my singleton now is still valid but nothing compared to the deficit I had with DDs!). I would personally call your OB and tell her about your PPD-like symptoms. They have so many resources available and you owe it to yourself and your LOs to get help with that if it is PPD. And don't feel shy about asking for help with it!

Also, just personal experience, DH will remain clueless if you don't clearly layout what you need help with and/or how this is making you feel. DH and I had to be apart for his work for the 1st 6 wks our DDs were born so by the time we got to all move and be together, I was so sleep deprived and irritable. Even though I SAH, I said until the babies were STTN, I really, really NEEDED (not wanted) him to help with the night feedings. I EP'd so helping me with bottles and diaper changing made the grueling night feeding so much better since DH was helping. Sure, he was tired too but he works in a corporation (not hard physical labor job) where being a little groggy wasn't going to cost him his job. I had to have a little sleep or else being a SAH to NB twins w/o any sleep was not fair to the babies. So all to say, I'd sit DH down and let him know that you really need him to help with the nighttime until LOs start more of a schedule (and by then, he'll be so used to helping out he'll probably keep with any nighttime duties!!)

Another thing is just as much as you insisted he had time with his buddies and got to be out, YOU deserve some off-time too (even if it means locking yourself in your bedroom and getting some quality sleep!!). Point it out to him that you BOTH need some down time from the babies; you'll feel fresher and more appreciative of each other. 

Finally, if you can get some extra help (like you had your mom come in), call on reinforcements! This time will pass but until then, if help is available, be it for even a few hours to let you get a shower and a nap, take it!! 

Hang in there! It WILL get better

SLPMel

I promise it does get better! 

Is there anyway that DH can take like the 10 PM feeding?  You can get to sleep right after the 7, and then sleep until the 1 AM one?  Even getting a chuck of 5 hours makes SUCH a difference.  We did that for a while when it was just the two of us and DH was back to work.

The lack of sleep can really get to you.  And eve at 7 weeks, I would have strangled DH if he tried to leave me with the babies for a day.  Our lives were the babies for the first 3 months, and we both needed to be there to make it work.  

If DH isn't willing to or able to step up more, can you hire someone to come in to help with the babies?  Even during the day when you can go up and take a nap?  

cookiemonster03

ditto PPs.

Your DH needs to do more. Being home all day with two newborns is not laying on a beach reading a novel. I went back to work - at a new job - the day after DW came home from the hospital, and I was up feeding one if not both babies every.single.night. She EPs, so in the early days I'd change them, hand off one to be fed, feed the other, hold them both while she disconnected, then we'd put them down. It was grueling; they ate every 2-3 hrs for 8+ weeks (they were a month early and very small). Around 12 weeks they started sleeping 4-5 hrs and it helped a TON, and now they sleep 8-9 hrs and its much much better. I am hopeful in another month or two they'll sleep 7-6 or 7, which would be golden.

jcath

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.  At our 2 mos check up the girls were still sleeping only 3 hours at a stretch but shortly thereafter we were getting 5 or 6 hours at a time.  So I hope you are close.

I agree calling the OB and telling them how you are feeling but I also think you'd feel alot better if you had some help.  Is it possible for you to hire anyone or at least have a teenager come over and help you entertain them?  Doing all the night wakings and taking care of them alone all day is a HUGE undertaking.

 

Temp123197812503460

Your dh needs to help more. But also, you need to go to sleep earlier! At 6 months we sometimes get longer stretches but often one or boh babies is still waking every 3 hr. They take much less time to go back to sleep so that helps, but you also get used to sleeping in shorter pieces, as long as you have enough time. So go to sleep at 8, not 11.

kafunder

somewhereincali:

Your dh needs to help more. But also, you need to go to sleep earlier! At 6 months we sometimes get longer stretches but often one or boh babies is still waking every 3 hr. They take much less time to go back to sleep so that helps, but you also get used to sleeping in shorter pieces, as long as you have enough time. So go to sleep at 8, not 11.

Ditto all of this. Your DH needs to be sharing the work at night, unless he's in some profession that requires 8 hours of sleep (pilot, surgeon, etc.). I found being at home with the babies way harder than being at work, so you need a break too. Also, like pp said, you should also go to sleep earlier. From the time the LOs were born until about 6 months, DH and I went to bed at 8pm. Even now with the LOs STTN, we still go to bed by 9:30pm b/c they are up early every day.

katezta

The beginning does suck!  It will get better.  Let me tell you what worked for us.  I did end up having PPD and got a prescription of Zoloft at about 8weeks post-partum.  It made a huge difference in my ability to cope.

 Also, the fact that your husband is not helping at night has to stop.  Sure he has to work, but so do you all day taking care of babies. We started each taking a baby each night and slept in different locations.  I took one and slept on the couch with the baby in a rocker/bouncer thing.  He slept upstairs with the other.  That way you get the sleep of one baby, not the disaster of two who may not be sleeping.  We also fed bottles of pumped milk overnight.  Now it was still easier for DH since I had to pump, but I still ended up with more sleep.

 We also instituted a feed and then sleep routine. They were fed and put back to sleep.  It didn't always work, but they finally got used to the idea that the night was not for playing.  I think at that age using a bottle also helped.  No cuddling. 

futuremom2b

I remember those days WAY TOO WELL which is why I always second guess having a 3rd.    The first 3 months are HARD as all heck, but you will get through it.  We all did!  I always said, anything is possible if you sleep, but NOTHING is possible when you are sleep deprived.  The littlest thing can put you in a tail spin. 

At around 3 months old, things got better for me.  I was very lucky that my DH was right there by my side the all time so we managed a system where we would both get a few chunks of solid sleep.  Going to work is not nearly as hard as staying home with 2 newborns (except for some jobs, of course!). 

Talk to your dr about your PPD.  And above all, THIS TOO SHALL PASS. 

Ruby_Tuesday

kafunder:

somewhereincali:

Your dh needs to help more. But also, you need to go to sleep earlier! At 6 months we sometimes get longer stretches but often one or boh babies is still waking every 3 hr. They take much less time to go back to sleep so that helps, but you also get used to sleeping in shorter pieces, as long as you have enough time. So go to sleep at 8, not 11.

Ditto all of this. Your DH needs to be sharing the work at night, unless he's in some profession that requires 8 hours of sleep (pilot, surgeon, etc.). I found being at home with the babies way harder than being at work, so you need a break too. Also, like pp said, you should also go to sleep earlier. From the time the LOs were born until about 6 months, DH and I went to bed at 8pm. Even now with the LOs STTN, we still go to bed by 9:30pm b/c they are up early every day.

triple ditto.  My DH got up with me for the feedings in those early days even though he was working.  We did not stagger those feedings; We got them all up at once so that they would all be back down as quick as possible).  Then we tried to get help in a few nights a week and we would rotate the help in and us out when-ever possible.  I know one night is nice but it's not going to solve the problem.  We also went to bed EARLY!  We put the babies down around 7:30 and then we went to bed around 8:30 or so.  Even now we rarely stay up past 10pm because the boys are up early. 

They will probably start sleeping longer stretches soon.  Hang in there.  It's tough.

jennype

It gets so much better! I second the idea of dh taking a 10pm or midnight feeding, if you are not breastfeeding. I actually had a night nanny come a couple nights a week. She would bring the babies to me to eat and then take to change/rock back to sleep.

BudgetBride04

Your DH needs to help you before you crash. DH and I did a split shift for sleep when they were that little.  I would put DS1 to sleep at 8pm, then sleep from 8 - 1am while DH tended to the twins & dozed on the couch.  Then at 1am he would come into the bedroom and I'd go to couch. They slept in Rock N Play sleepers in the living room, and we bottle fed them so we were both able to feed/change them without disturbing the other.  It's not a full night of sleep, but 4 or 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep is MUCH better than 2 hour spurts.

Is there anybody who can come over for a couple hours during the dayand take care of them while you get a nap?  Niece/neighbor/mom/aunt/girlfriend...anybody like that?  Also, if the weather is nice where you are, I found that taking them for a walk was huge.  Just getting out of the house helped a lot.

Sleep and fresh air will make a huge difference, and it will get better!!  In my case, even after they started sleeping better, I was still very irritable and moody and snappy...just very unhappy with my family, and I started taking Lexapro when the twins were about 10 weeks.  It was actually our pediatrician who initiated a conversation with me about PPD, and recommended that I see my OB; I was embarrased but I'm so glad he did.  Don't be ashamed or hesitate to talk to your OB about it. 

The other thing that got me through.  I would tell myself over and over again that I was just going to get through the next minute.  Then that minute would turn into 5 minutes, and those minutes would turn into an hour, and those hours would turn into a day.  Then I had survived that day and I never had to to it again.  You literally take it minute by minute and you will make it.