Things people say.

ruthymusney

A week ago yesterday, MIL asked me how I was around other peoples children.  I was very honest and told her that I have a hard time around pregnant women, children born AFTER Kyndal, and little girls close in age, including my nieces (MILs grandchildren)

She proceeded to tell me "Well you're just going to have to get over that." To which I replied "I'm trying to. Thank you"

I should have responded with a slap in the face.

Today I was told I would "never be guaranteed a healthy pregnancy again" I smarted off and walked away. It's one thing if it came from a physician, but this person knows nothing.

 Anything anyone else wants to vent about??

Petunia844

Ugh.  Yes I have one!  My sister is AMAZING she's been amazing through everything...BUT she complains about her kids over the dumbest sh*t and it drives me crazy!! Here's an example:

We're at an award dinner for my dad for his business, it's a big deal for him and he's excited... all my family is there.  Well my sister is getting texts from her H complaining that her 3 beautiful healthy children are having a "meltdown." So my sister gets her annoying poutty face on and mouths to my mom "Disaster!"  Then she continued to be grumpy the whole time (I was sitting next to her but had to just ignore her, drives me crazy that she can complain about her kids in front of me of all people).  My mom plays into my sister's fits so they are clearly talking about/passing texts back in forth about the "disaster" clearly in front of my dad.  For f**ks sake let him have his dinner-- your children are FINE.  Then she left the dinner early.   

johnnys june

UGH!  I will never understand peoples insensitivity or how rude they are.  Do they really not hear themselves???  So sorry, Lovey!

Carolee

ruthymusney:

"Well you're just going to have to get over that."

Someone who I thought was my best friend told me that within the week after losing Eliott after I told her it was going to be hard to be around a coworker who was due within weeks of Eliott's due date.  Ugh.  Why don't people think before speaking!

erbarmywife

I just get the "get over it" "you can have more" or "at least you already have 2".

Now, being pregnant again, I get stupid things like "are you happy you're having another girl?" "yes, but I would be happy with a boy" "oh, but this girl is replacing your lost ones"  Um...really?  I didnt realize I got pregnant to replace my other babies...in fact I'm pretty sure I waited so I WASNT doing that.  Or "It's a good thing you got pregnant again..now you wont be sad all the time.  You've gotten over them".  Sure...whatever.

Gizu92708

This post just made me really upset. I would've slapped her . Or maybe punch her in the mouth so she cant talk for a week. Sorry I know It sounds really bad that I said that and she's your mil but I can't help it when people have opinions about your grieving. Just shut the f&$k up!

littlepenguin2012

Oh my new favorite is "how long do you think it will take you to get over this". This comment really makes me want to never leave the house again.  As if we can "just get over it".

karebear57

littlepenguin2012:

Oh my new favorite is "how long do you think it will take you to get over this". This comment really makes me want to never leave the house again.  As if we can "just get over it".

MH asked me this 2 months ago right before I left for work! I felt like smacking him!

lrichmond86

On my first day back to work (3 weeks after we lost baby Gary) I got, "so are you going to try again right away?"  I didn't respond.  It was like they were comparing my baby to some kind of test... like they were really saying, "Well, you failed this time, but maybe next time you'll do better."  I know that no one knows what to say when they haven't experienced what we have, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

littlepenguin2012

I cannot believe how many people have felt the need to comment on when we "should" try again.  It is so nuts that anyone feels like that is okay.  I am so sorry that anyone has had to deal with insensitive comments/people.  

fluttergirlmoonchild79

It really drives me nuts when people say "I know what you're going through, I lost my father (or mother or sibling or grandparent)"  Not to minimize anyone's loss but it's not the same thing.  Also been bombarded by people asking us if we're trying already.  Also had a moment I wasn't expecting this past weekend.  We went out to dinner with my husband's boss and fiance and a few of their friends who we didn't know.  When we got to the restaurant, 2 of their friends were staring at us.  So obvious.  At first I thought maybe they were staring because my husband is so tall (he's 6'8" so we do get stared at a lot) but then I noticed they both made that "aww, so horrible" face.  I felt like a freakshow.  I don't know why but it really bothered me.  We lost our son, we're not freaks.

StephK86

My grandmother often tells me I just have to get over things. The rudest thing she ever said to me was on Mother's Day last year. My mother had bought me this beautiful frame that said "To The Best Mommy In The World Love, Gavin." I was just opening it when my grandmother looked at me and said "Happy ALMOST Mother's Day." (I was pregnant at the time)  I looked at her and said something to the effect of  "I am a mother just because my son died doesn't mean he wasn't here. Don't you remember your grandson who I gave birth to? Who you held and loved?"

I still am raging over that comment and the many more she has made since then. I don't think I can ever forgive her. I ended up really freaking out on her after Christmas this year because of all the built up anger. I am unable to just avoid her, that's not an option. She will show up at my house if I ignore to many phone calls. She once called three times in a hour span which was during nap time. Of course third times a charm because she woke the children up. My mother even told her she is busy she has a baby and a 3 year old to care for (my stepson).

I don't know why people don't feel the need to be more sensitive to women who have had losses. Or why they think they can say anything to us that is to the effect of "get over it" when they never had a loss themselves. My great, great aunt lost her son at the same exact age as mine. This summer I sat with her and she held my hand. She told me she has never forgotten her son and neither will I. Also to not listen to what other people say about grieving. To grieve as long as I want. That's the best advice I could have ever received.

weddedwife

I don't have any new, horrible thing to report (thankfully) but I just want to say that this is another one of the reasons I really hate everybody right now & try to keep to myself. I'm just trying to protect myself from further hurt. People are jerks.

olp79

Last week, I went to visit my mother in law (after a week of losing my twins and after going to the funeral home). She was babysitting a boy and I broke down. She was very pushy and had the guts to tell me I need psychological help since I couldn't be around kids. I am pissed and don't wanna go back to her house anytime soon.