SAHM Considering separation. Please help me think this through?

ThrowawayAccount30

Hi all,

I'm a stay at home mom with a 2 year old daughter.  I'm seriously considering leaving my husband, but I have a few concerns that I haven't found answers to.

My husband makes pretty good money but if I move into an apartment with our daughter both households would have to seriously cut spending.  I grew up poor and am capable of living off of little, but he's always been pretty well off so I doubt his ability to stick with a budget.  

We have enough in savings for DD and I to live off of for 6 months if necessary, but I have no idea how he'll react to news of us moving out.  I've considered draining the accounts but that really gets us off on the wrong foot...  

All of my past work experience is in an industry with decent pay but very long and irregular hours.  It would be difficult to find a daycare willing to take DD during all hours of the day or night, and it would probably be cost-prohibitive.  I also can't imagine uprooting her entire life by moving out of our house and not seeing her dad every day, then sticking her in a daycare for the first time while I go back to work 60+ hours per week...  She's very sensitive and has some anxiety issues.

I have no family and few very close friends in this state.  DD and I would be welcomed into my parent's home (all the way across the country) but then she'd really never see her dad and there really isn't room for us in their home.  Would it even be legal for me to move her out of state without DH's permission anyway?

He's a decent father but a really $hitty husband. I don't want to completely cut him out of DD's life.  

Any thoughts? 

DHYGchica3

Well, I would first look at separation/divorce laws for your state. Some states require you are married for x amount of years before you get alimony, and you can always file for child support.

I'd also look into Transitional Aid for Families with Children, WIC, and Food Stamps, to help you get by, and some states will help pay your divorce fees if you prove your financial hardship.

Maybe the answer isn't going back to the field you used to work in, or maybe if you can find part time work in it and get daycare vouchers. 

There are tons of options out there, you just have to look around a bit.

ashleyvc2

I am not saying screw him, that's not a mature approach, but you can't worry about how he is going to survive on whatever money he gets after a divorce/child support.  You need to think about YOU and your daughter.  Period.  

 

 

Sarahrun

I'm wondering if the reason the OP is worried about her husband's ability to survive is because he would have her child sometimes and she's worried about the conditions her child would live in. I know, personally, my dad chose to pay alimony to mom until I turned 18 (they had joint custody and equal residential time, so no child support) because he wanted to make sure that my quality of life wouldn't go down when I was with my mom.