What do you think is a good age gap between children?

Sascha3

I have a 6 week old and my husband and I want to have our second close in age.  I am almost 40, so the sooner I have my second, the less I have to worry about fertility issues.  Plus I would like to stay home and be with them both until they start school, then go back to my career, and being closer in age shortens the amount of time I will be home.

I am trying to decide when would be a good time to start trying again.  6 months, a year?  Also, what did your doctor recommend?  Those who didn't follow dr recommendations, did you have any health or pregnancy issues because of it?

Stacy101108

My doctor told me 12 months. But I just went in and talked to her 2 months ago and she said that if I would have gotten pg then it wouldn't have been a big deal. She just said that it takes time for you body to recover and that pregnancy takes a huge toll on your body. Well, I didn't listen I'm pg now and I wanted to have them close together. I loved being close with my siblings. It was nice you always had someone to play with.

NavyPilotWife

My doc gave me the greenlight to get pregnant right away, but I didn't want my kids that close together.  Are you breastfeeding?  If so, do you have a goal of how long you'd like to nurse?  I bring it up because A) Some people have a dramatic decrease in supply after getting pregnant It can be painful to nurse during pregnancy C) It takes a lot of extra calories to nurse, while pregnant and D) Some women don't start to ovulate until after they wean.

I got pregnant with DD2, when DD1 was 8.5 months old.  I was able to continue nursing her until she was 12 months old.  It was pretty uncomfortable during the first trimester.  It was fine for a few weeks of second tri before becoming uncomfortable again.  Most doctors and nurses aren't very knowledgeable about nursing, while pregnant, so definitely do your own research.  It was important for me to nurse DD1 for her first year, but I didn't want to nurse too far into my pregnancy with DD2, since I had pre-term labor with DD1 (she was born at 39 weeks though).

I'm really happy with the spacing of my girls.  I loved having 2u2.  I honestly thought it was easier the younger the were.  Now, I have two mobile kids with opinions ;-)

moonfaerie

My first two are 14 months apart and I love that spacing! It was so easy introducing a new baby to my then-14-month-old. She wasn't old enough to be jealous, and was at a great stage where she was starting to play by herself so we didn't have to worry about constantly entertaining her. Also, it was nice that the older baby still napped regularly so I could get a rest here and there. (She's now almost two and a half and not interested in daily naps, so I will be a total zombie when #3 comes along in May.)

And now that my second child is older and interactive, it is SO cute to watch them play together. They fight over toys but then they share, and they love to chase each other around. They really are attached to each other and miss each other when I take just one of them somewhere.

Some benefits to having kids close in age is that eventually they entertain each other so the parents aren't under as much pressure to entertain, and they are more likely to be into that same things at the same time, which makes it easier to plan activities for the kids, etc.

My dr didn't give me recommendations. I got pg whenever DH and I felt ready to add to our family, and all of my deliveries are c/s. I have not had any real problems, and my OB has no concerns about it. My c/s scar does get irritated from the stretching during pregnancy, but it's tolerable and nothing that made me avoid another pregnancy. Good luck deciding!

kagl08

My 2 are 13.5 months apart. I love the spacing! It's absolutely the best thing we have ever done. I got pregnant when my DD was 5 months old. I had a normal vaginal delivery and healed very well. I worked out before getting pregnant with DS, strengthened my core muscles again and I did very well with that pregnancy.

The age difference is wonderful. My DD never had jealous, loves her baby brother so much and really had no problems with the transition. They play together somewhat, she makes my DS laugh all the time and I can already see how much they love each other. We are getting the sleepless nights over with while we still were used to them. All the toys were never put away. They will be 1 yr apart in school and may have the same friends/interests. They should be into the same toys too for awhile. It's just easier for us on so many levels. Once we got pregnant (it was planned) we were nervous but now that we have them so close it's just amazing!

hmp1

I'm in my 30's. My doctor told me not before 6 months but advised to wait 12 months.  I got pregnant with #2 when DS was 13 months old.

kcisthebombdotcom

I don't think there's one right answer here. There are some benefits to waiting and some benefits to closer together. It's about weighing what works best for you.

To offer my experience, mine are 12.5 months apart. I liked being in first tri with an immobile baby who took 4 naps a day still. By the time I had #2, my oldest was walking and far too interested in exploring to be jealous that I was dedicating my attention to a new baby. Now that they're 2 and 1, they entertain each other. I only have to use one set of toys for both kids since they're into similar things which is nice. I'm glad I got out of the pregnancy/newborn stage quicker instead of starting all over again with an older, more independent child. I'm glad that they'll be in school back to back and I think it's easier to manage their needs. My SIL has kids.5 years apart and it's difficult to manage what a school aged child needs and what an infant needs since their needs are so different.

I had a c-section and was given the green light to TTC at my 6 week pp checkup. My OB said that there were added risks if I conceived before DS was 6 months old, but that in a case like mine of someone like me who was under 30/in very good health/had a good surgery and recovery he didn't feel that the added risk was so great that I *needed* to wait.

GL with whatever you decide!

WhitePicketFence

My girls are 18 months apart and I love it. We're probably going to wait a bit longer between #2 and #3 for financial reasons (we want a bigger house and will need a vehicle that can fit 3 carseats), but I'd absolutely space them similarly if I could.

I had a c-section with DD1 and my OB never said anything in regards to when I could get pregnant again. We started TTC when DD1 was 9 months old and got pregnant on the first cycle. I had a very healthy pregnancy and a successful VBAC.

CaitlinJ22

NavyPilotWife:

My doc gave me the greenlight to get pregnant right away, but I didn't want my kids that close together.  Are you breastfeeding?  If so, do you have a goal of how long you'd like to nurse?  I bring it up because A) Some people have a dramatic decrease in supply after getting pregnant It can be painful to nurse during pregnancy C) It takes a lot of extra calories to nurse, while pregnant and D) Some women don't start to ovulate until after they wean.

I got pregnant with DD2, when DD1 was 8.5 months old.  I was able to continue nursing her until she was 12 months old.  It was pretty uncomfortable during the first trimester.  It was fine for a few weeks of second tri before becoming uncomfortable again.  Most doctors and nurses aren't very knowledgeable about nursing, while pregnant, so definitely do your own research.  It was important for me to nurse DD1 for her first year, but I didn't want to nurse too far into my pregnancy with DD2, since I had pre-term labor with DD1 (she was born at 39 weeks though).

I'm really happy with the spacing of my girls.  I loved having 2u2.  I honestly thought it was easier the younger the were.  Now, I have two mobile kids with opinions ;-)

Agreed, plus I had similar experiences. I planned to ttc for #2 when #1 was 12 months, but we decided to try at 9 months thinking I wouldnt get pg for a few months. Well I got pg right away and I wanted to nurse until a year at least. The day I got the positive test I called my nurse and she told me to stop bfing immediately..I did my research and felt I was fine. It was hard to keep my supply up since I was so sick and barely eating and drinking, but it was worth it and I got to 13 months. I was 18 wks when we stopped bfing.

So for #3 I wanted to wait until she weaned to ttc again. She was 14 monsth and I got pg again at 15 months. It was easier this time.

My first 2 are 18 months apart and I love it, #2 and #3 will be exactly 24 months. I dont think I like the idea of more than 2.5 yrs. We love our spacing.  

06162006bride

Once baby #1 is a year in my opinion, then by the time baby 2 comes you will be potty training #1 baby.  -

delg23

My doctor didn't tell me anything. I got pregnant when my son was 9 months old. I had no health issues.

12bailey18

I had two normal, healthy vaginal deliveries and neither time did the doctor's recommend that I wait a certain time before conceiving again. We got pg. with #2 when DS was 10 months old. I love the age gap between them and I think it's perfect. Of course, this is all I know so it works for me!

sparklenshine_89

Sascha3:

I have a 6 week old and my husband and I want to have our second close in age.  I am almost 40, so the sooner I have my second, the less I have to worry about fertility issues.  Plus I would like to stay home and be with them both until they start school, then go back to my career, and being closer in age shortens the amount of time I will be home.

I am trying to decide when would be a good time to start trying again.  6 months, a year?  Also, what did your doctor recommend?  Those who didn't follow dr recommendations, did you have any health or pregnancy issues because of it?

Congrats on your baby!

My dr told me to wait 2 years between having my second but I didn't. I had them back to back... so they are a year and 12 days apart. I had a 3rd degree tear with my first son and I didn't have any complications with my second it was actually smoother for me the second time around. But I was 21 when I got pregnant (22 now).

I love that my boys are close in age for a lot of reasons. 1.) My oldest son hasn't gone through the "mine" stage and he has learned to share with our youngest. 2.) After DS1 grows out of his clothes DS2 just about fits them. 3.) I also want to go back to work once they start school so I totally understand where you are coming from there.

I also believe that if you feel ready and your first pregnancy went well and your body has healed it totally depends on you. Good Luck!

jsugrin

My Dr. didn't have anything to say about spacing until I showed up in his office pregnant again with a 7 month old.  He told me that anything less than 6 months and there was a documented increased risk of miscarriage but never mentioned my having had a section with #1.  I was 34 and 35 respectively with my pregnancies and had no issues with either one of them, well some PTL with #2 but with bed rest I made it to my 38.6 repeat c-section date.

For us the early months were easy, months 6-12 were hard (all of sudden cute little baby wants MY toys) 12-2ish were easy again (now I have a playmate) and from 2-current it's simply a toss up of if they love or hate each other.  I'll tell you though, most of the time they talk about being best friends and the one time #2 spent a week with the grandparents #1 was sooooo upset.  They also refuse to go anywhere without the other one, no staying home and taking one to the store.

I've never regretted having them so close, they have an incredibly bond and like you I was worried about my fertility and simple energy level ( I also have health problems on top of being an "older" mom).

At your age, I would definitely go for it if you know you want a 2nd.  There are positives and negatives to any age difference and hard and easy times so do what works for you family.  I think your reasons for wanting them close together are good, solid reasons.

sweetpea2003

Mine are 16 months apart... so I got pregnant when DD was 7 months.

My doctor told me before discharge with DD that I should wait at least 6 months to get pregnant again. 

As for "ideal" spacing... I think that there are pros and cons to everything.  For me, I think 16 months was pretty hard.  I have zero regrets, and the way things happened for us (IVF/ICSI for DD, surprise for DS) was a blessing.  Now that they are getting older, things are getting easier.  But notice I am not pregnant right now , so I wasn't ready to go for #3 with the same spacing.

On the other hand, my two nephews are 3.5 years apart and have issues and difficulties too. 

With your age in mind, I would personally chat with your OB about the safest spacing and start TTC then.  It will all work out, and better to have the highest chance of concieving than waiting until the so-called "perfect" time and then having trouble.

mrsseguin

My kids are 25 months apart.  Now that DD is older, things are much easier.  But DH and I had a rough transition going from 1-2 kids.  To do it over, I would chose a larger age gap, like 3 years apart. 

I had 2 c-sections.  My doctor told me to wait a year before getting pregnant again.  I also had high risk pregnancies.  If you had easy pregnancies, I don't see why you couldn't have your kids close in age, although you have your age working against you, and puts you at a higher risk for complications.

sarahandeddiejune212008

My OB recommends waiting 9 months if you had a vaginal birth and 12 months if you had a c/s.  You want to make sure your body has time to fully heal in order to lessen any risks.

Cajun_gal

It took us 2 years to conceive our oldest so we never prevented and started trying when he was 4 months old.  I got pregnant the first month trying (still can't believe it), and they're 14 months apart.  I love their age difference.  It was hard at first, but it's gotten so much easier as they get older.  They are really starting to play together, make each other laugh, etc.  It's so much fun! 

meredith anastasia

Mine are 19.5 months apart and my OB and GP never said anything about waiting between babies.  I had 2 vaginal deliveries and smooth recoveries.  I really like this age gap and we're going to aim for approx. 18 months between #2 and #3, if not closer.  I have a unique situation with being in Canada and having a year long maternity leave, which has really helped alleviate a lot of the stress (for me) of having kids close together.

Sascha3

Thank you all so much for the wonderful answers!  The thought of 2 so close together was a little scary, even though it is what I want to do, but reading all of your stories makes me feel really excited about it.  I can't wait! 

FormerlyKrista555

I'm excited about having my children 20 months apart. 

DD is at the perfect age, IMO, to welcome another baby in.