new, intro

cherrycobbler

Hi there,

I have been a total lurker on this board for months now; I really just couldn?t bring myself to speak up.  I lost my first baby on August 29, 2011 after 6 short days.  I was admitted to the hospital at 33 weeks for fetal heart monitoring and was quickly diagnosed with HELLP Syndrome, even though the entire pregnancy up to my last appointment at 32 wks was uneventful (as far as that goes).  We knew our baby had a VSD and it was suspected that there was a chromosome abnormality (we were secretly crossing our fingers for Down?s Syndrome, how strange to say that).  Our son Robin was born just 4 hours after I was admitted via emergency C Section weighing 2lbs 13oz.  I was unable to see him for 24 hours because of the magnesium sulfate (he was in the NICU) and I honestly don?t remember much of that day.  We were told that the Geneticist suspected Trisomy 13, but we had to wait for the results.  We finally got the results on Monday August 29 and we decided, after the doctors said he may only live another week with the interventions, that it was time to let him go.  He was given pain medication and we held him in our arms for over 6 hours.  He finally took his last breath and his heart stopped beating several minutes later.

    I know we didn't do anything wrong, that was his fate from the first cell division, but I will always blame myself (I?m 36).  I never really wanted children until I was 33 and the urge hit like a ton of bricks.  We waited until we bought a house and got married, and then it took a little over a year.  Now, I fear that I will not be able to have a healthy baby.  

     I hate to meet all you like this, but since no one I know has gone through this, or at least hasn?t opened up to me, I feel like you are the only ones who know exactly how I feel.  I can?t look at his picture or think of him and not cry, I can?t do much of anything and not think of him, he is constantly on my mind. I don?t have many happy memories of being pregnant, from the moment I knew I was pregnant, I knew something was wrong.  I constantly worried; I always had the ?if we bring him home? mentality, not ?when?.  

     I wish I could just hold him for one more minute.

pottermommy

I am so so sorry for the loss of your precious Robin.  Nothing can compare to the loss of your child.  My heat goes out to you.

I hope you find much needed support here, the ladies are wonderful.  Please feel free to share as you need.  Hugs to you and angel kisses to Robin.

Carolee

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet son Robin.  Welcome to the board, although I hate that you are joining us here.  I hope you will find comfort here with us.

krysiahamaty

I am so sorry for your loss. I hate to welcome you here but the ladies here are awesome. I hope you find some comfort here. Big hugs.

Gizu92708

Im sorry for your loss. I hate everytime I see an intro because it just shows that these nightmares keep happening. But I'm glad you came out of lurking and decided to post. Feel free to post about anything. The girls on this board are wonderful. Hugs to you.

dandywarhol

I too am sorry for your loss.  Thank you for sharing your story of little Robin.

ruthymusney

welcome, and ((big hugs))

Thank you for sharing your story, I'm so sorry for your loss.

foxxy1

Hi there and welcome to the board. I'm sorry you have to be here but I welcome you with open arms. The ladies are very supportive and are just a great group of women here. You're among friends here.  

figgs0831

Hi there and welcome to the board. I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. It breaks my heart every time I see an intro here. 

eroplane

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Robin. You will find great support here. Big hugs. 

magdalina.h

I'm so sorry for your loss. We get it and we're here for you.

Heatherhah

I am so sorry you lost your sweet son Robin. Hugs to you!! We are all here for you!!

lpeter01

Thank you for sharing your story.  My Heart breaks for your loss..  Hope is what we all need right now. Hope that God will bless us with the strength to carry on and to make a difference in others lives. Hope to be blessed again if that is what we want and need.  Please know that all the women on this board feel your pain and sadness and wish we didn't have to hear these stories.  But knowing you are not alone and we are always here for each other is comforting.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as I do all of the women who have suffered a loss so great as we have.. I often ask God, why didn't you let me keep him?  Its because they are not ours. All of our children are a gift.  You are a Mom don't forget that.  We all are!  Take care of your heart..  OOOOXXX

mrssoprano

I am so sorry for the loss of your son Robin. I totally understand wanting to hold your baby for just one more minute. I'm sorry you have to be here but glad you have found us. ((hugs))

Petunia844

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I understand your fears entirely, I had pre-e with my son as well and now I'm pregnant again... I hope and pray every day I can get through this pregnancy without having to face that awful disease again.

weddedwife

I'm very sorry for the loss of your son Robin. I too wish I could hold my son for just one more minute (or a million). I hope you find some support here, I know I have. Thanks for sharing with us.

mdluv21

I am so sorry for your loss.  big ((hugs))

johnnys june

I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry that you have to be here.  But you are welcome here.  There are some amazing women here and I hope you find the support and comfort you need.  *hugs*

cherrycobbler

Thank you everyone.  It is comforting to get (hugs) in the virtual world too.  I already do feel like I am among friends.  I hope to get to know all you you better.