What is 'normal' custody of a 2 yr old?

lillypots

First off - I am a long time lurker, hello ladies

So right now I am still married although my H is living with his parents as we are separated due domestic violence.  We are left to work out custody using a 3rd party (his mother), because per his bail restrictions he is not allowed to contact me in any way.  We have a 2 yr old son.  His mother emails me saying (telling me more like it) that "they" (as in my H and his parents) want him from Friday afternoon until Sunday evening or even Monday morning.  Ummm... no.  

What sort of visitation do parents of toddlers have?  I was thinking more like 2 afternoons (like 4 hours each) a week, or maybe one afternoon and one half day on a weekend.  Maybe an overnight like once a month.

 What is also making me angry (and not wanting any of them to even see my child!) is that his mother has not even said anything to me about the fact that her son has been abusive to me for 4+ years.   I don't know ... I put myself in her shoes and imagine if my son did that to his wife - I would be beyond mortified.  I would support my son but I would also be firmly on the woman's side!  Violence is never ok (not like I "did" anything to deserve or provoke it anyways).  

 We will be having a meeting soon to determine custody and I want to know what is the norm.  Thanks ladies! 

BeachBum1223

So sorry you are going through this.

FIRST and most importantly... DO NOT let your ex's mother be your mediator!  Call the courthouse and see if they offer mediation for free or have someone that can help.  Get a lawyer too, it will be worth it.  I cannot see this ending well with the ex's teaming up on you.

As for custody, who knows, it is different for each state.  EOWE visitation would be pretty standard in some states, others not until they are 3. 

kmartinez80

Contact a lawyer ASAP!  You need to have someone with experience looking out for you and your child's best interests.  Did the family court order his mother to be the mediator or was this something you guys came up with?

ChunkyMunkey

Definitely agree with everyone else. Do NOT let his mother be mediator. Her opinion is biased and one sided and that will not have a good outcome for you.

Do you have proof of this domestic abuse? I do and my XH and I used a court appointed mediator to come to an agreement since we could also not communicate. She told us what was typical in our case with the age of our son and in the end we were both happy (more so myself but X didn't really have much of a choice) with the outcome. My ex is currently in jail but once released he will get 4 hours of supervised visit each weekend. I have an OFP (Order For Protection) and DANCO (Domestic Abuse No Contact Order) against my ex so that helps my case.

With abuse it definitely changes what is "normal" for a toddler's visits.

Again, DROP the mother and go to the courts otherwise they WILL take advantage of you. Period. 

lillypots

His mother isn't our mediator - more like a go-between since my H cannot contact me in any way until after court and whether he pleads guilty or not.  Basically she emails saying, can we have DS on this and this day, and I tell her if that is ok or not.  I do not want to set anything in stone/set a precedent at this early of a date, so I have been scheduling it visit to visit - in my head I am working off of one overnite every other week and one dinner time visit every week.  His mother tried to get DS for the entire weekend and I countered with one nite only.  She wrote back saying I was being disagreeable.  I wrote back saying take it or leave it - she took it.  

I have been lurking for a while so I know the whole 'document everything' thing.  I also have seen a lawyer.  When I spoke to her it was right after I called the police so everything was very fresh and I gave her the idea that we may be reconciling in the future - hence her rec to use his mother as a third party.  Now that I have had time to clear my head I see that he is never going to change, and am going to proceed with a separation.  I think once I=do that, then we can get a formal visitation in place.  And I only have one (the last) episode of abuse on record with the police.  He does however have 2 DWI on his record and as a stipulation of his bail he is forbidden from drugs and alcohol.  

 Thanks for the advice - I am sure I will have lots more questions, or just need to vent