Preschool bullies

zoe_cat

I have known for a while that my DD's preschool class has been having a problem with a group of boys that play really rough and aggressively.  DD was never involved in it and never mentioned it so I didn't worry about it too much.  That all changed last month when one of the boys hit her.  She was so sad and sobbed uncontrollably about that.  Then today she was tackled and held down in the snow while they were outside by another kid.  She has started talking about them at home now and refers to them as the "bad boys."  It's not just my DD having a problem with them.  I know of at least two other parents that pulled their kid out of the class because of these bullies.  Anyway, DH is furious and wants to confront the teachers and find out why they are letting this happen.  I am of course upset but I believe the teachers are aware of it and are addressing it, but it's not like they can keep their eye on every single kid at every moment to make sure they are not playing too rough.  I'm not sure how to approach the problem (and I'm horrible at any kind of confrontation).  Any suggestions of how to approach the teachers and let them know our concerns?  I don't really want to pull DD out of this class because for the most part she really enjoys it there and has made some some nice friends.  Thanks!

anna12

I don't know that you need to "confront" the teachers, but you should figure out if/what they are actually doing to address the situation. I think it would be fair to go to the teacher (or e-mail, depending on how you communicate with them) and say something like " DD has been really upset with how boy x, y, and z have been treating her. Can you tell me more about what is going on during class?" the teacher may offer what he/she is doing to address the problem at that point, otherwise I'd follow up with "So what are your plans to work with these boys?" If you are happy with the teacher's answers, DD stays for awhile and you see what happens. If you don't think she's taking it seriously, you can pull DD out.

UpNorthGal

You say you are horrible at any type of confrontation, but this isn't about you, it's about your kid. Get in there and find out what's going on. Don't assume the teachers are handling it, ask them. I would have a non-confrontational but very matter-of-fact conversation with the teacher, asking her is she was aware of this particular situation with your DD and what she is going to do to make sure it doesn't happen again. Rough play happens, but when it continues to happen and the staff appears to ignore it (this is what I gather from your description), then that's a problem. Good luck!

fignewt74

I think you could address the teachers to come up with a plan for your LO to do if this happens again.  Should she walk away?  Tell the teacher what is going on?  Maybe they have a specific thing they are supposed to say if someone is touching them, or if someone is not taking their turn, etc.  At DS's school, they are taught to say "Please stop, I don't like that."  So, maybe you can find out what their canned phrases are at school so that you can work with your LO at home and practice saying those things. 

As pp says, this discussion is for your LO to feel secure and comfortable at school, so I would ask the teachers what things they/you can do to help her feel more safe there.

Wally3

Definately talk to teachers or the director.  You don't need to confront at pick up or drop off.  Just mentioned that you would like to speak to them either my phone or in the office about some issues with bullying.  The tell them your concerns and ask what is being done. 

Pesky

I would talk to the teachers and director about the problem and how they are addressing it.  Then you'll know how to treat it further.

With your DD, I would play-act and teach her some ways to handle.   No offense, but if a kid pinned me down, I wouldn't hesitate to knee up to the groin or teach my kid to do so.  Some self defense is warranted here.

livinitup

A bunch of boys tackled your daughter and held her down in the snow -and you don't want to ask her teachers what they are going to do to prevent if from ever happening again?

zoe_cat

Thanks all for the advice.  We arrived at school a little early today so I was able to talk to the teacher then and let her know my concerns.  She was very receptive and we talked about ways to address the problem.  I feel a lot better after talking with her!

kes77

I definitely think you should bring this up to your daughters preschool teachers for several reasons.  First and foremost it is absolutely unacceptable for those boys to tackle and hold your daughter down - bullying just isn't acceptable, even in preschool.  Your daughters teachers need to be aware of what is going on and they may not know the extent of things.  They could have really hurt her and safety must come first.  

If it were me, I'd ask the teachers if there is a time you can discuss your concerns with them  and then tell them how upset you, your husband and daughter are about the bullying and ask what they plan to do to address the situation.  Hopefully, the parents of these boys have been contacted and they are aware of their children's behavior.

There is no way you should just let this go - you need to be your child's advocate.  As a teacher myself, I do understand what you're saying about how it's impossible to see eveything that goes on with every child, but it sounds like the roughhousing behaviors that are being exhibited by these boys needs to be documented and addressed and maybe they should be the ones asked to leave the program.  Good luck to you, I hope your situation gets better!