Dealing with a break

Carolee

My apologies in advance - I have a feeling this is going to be rambling...

How do you deal with taking a break?  We're pretty much out of options, aside from another IVF.  We don't want to do this until May/June at the earliest because it's too hard with my work schedule (I'm a teacher and it's hard to be on my A game when I'm not feeling good from the meds).  We've taken a few breaks here and there, but I struggle with them.  For one, we've been TTC for so long now that I think I've actually forgotten what it's like NOT to TTC.  Then there's the whole "If I sit out this month, then we might be missing THE month" mentality.  The thought of taking a break freaks me out.

There's actually a small part of me that wants to say I'm done.  I don't know how much more I can take.  I'm not sure if it'll be easier to deal with another failed IVF or to deal with not doing the IVF at all and just calling it. 

I am a bit of a control freak and it just drives me nuts that I have no control over this.  This is not at all how I imagined my life, and there is absolutely nothing I can do to change that. 

Am I crazy for thinking like this?  Please tell me I'm not the only one.

mork

You are NOT crazy.  *hugs*

I'm a control freak too, and I can tell you that the only thing that worked for me was to walk away from everything TTC-related.  Including the bump.  I literally put all my TTC sh!t (pee sticks, meds, whatever) in a bag and shoved it in the closet with all the pg and baby sh!t.  I also took a break from the bump, and did not allow myself to even lurk during my break.  The only thing I did was set up and attend a couple of appointments that were pre-whatever, in order to be ready to hit the ground running at the end of my break.  But the only time I thought about them was while there.

I also planned a lot of other things to do, especially in the beginning.  Whether it was meeting someone for drinks, or getting DH to teach me golf (we set up a tee time every week in advance), there were always a few things on my schedule to keep my mind occupied.  Make sure they include other people, so you're accountable.  We also planned a big trip to look forward to near the end of our break.  We went to Disneyworld, but the trip doesn't have to be that huge.  Just plan something and commit to it far in advance, so you have something to look forward to, plan, and be excited about during the break.

I hope that gives you some ideas. Oh, and I would take a break and clear your mind and heart before considering the idea of being done.  I think it will give you additional perspective.  *hugs* 

Carolee

I actually have thought about planning a trip.  There is a chance we might have the opportunity to go to England or Ireland this summer.  Part of me wants to delay IVF so we can go, but the other part is freaking out about putting the IVF off.  Decisions...

delino

You are definitely not alone in your feelings. Breaks suck. Even sex upsets me because TTA sucks. The earliest we can do anything will be May/June as well and that seems like it is so far away. I do hope to be productive during my break. Maybe go somewhere or try to get healthier. Make myself a little better. I think a vacation is a great idea, but only you can decide if postponing IVF a month will be ok. (((Hugs)))

butterfly843

We aren't cycling anymore with the RE, I'm not charting, just not using protection and if it happens it happens. We planned a bunch of trips, and I never thought I would stop cycling with the RE before I got my take home baby. I love traveling and when kept putting off trips because we were ttc and I kept thinking I might get pg. For now we just buy travel insurance with each vacation because if I do get pg I won't be able to travel far. Some days I have a tough time like today when I have triggers that set me off.

CashewsMommy

Carolee:

Then there's the whole "If I sit out this month, then we might be missing THE month" mentality.  The thought of taking a break freaks me out.

Am I crazy for thinking like this?  Please tell me I'm not the only one.

This is me to a T!!! Which is why I am quite happy that my body is forcing me on a break right now.

I wish I knew how to help you out. {{hugs}} 

lavril

Not at all!  I am such a control freak too - and not having any control over any of this drives me crazy as well.   

MH is getting ready to have knee surgery, so we'll be forced into a break soon too (not even BD prob).  I'm going to focus on my health - physical and mental - so I'm ready when we start back up.  I plan to do things I enjoy, hang out with friends, get more into yoga, get a message, learn to cook, finally get back in shape.  We're also planning a big trip to France this fall if I'm not KU by then.  It's nice to have things to look forward to as well.  I thought about training for a race or something too, but not sure I'm ready for that committment yet, lol.

Big ((((HUGS))))

amandachs

I'm sorry.  I wish I had more to offer than (((hugs)))

buckeyebaby814

You're definitely not crazy and I too, am a control freak!

I don't have any advice as IVF is not currently on our table but I do want to say a break may give you the opportunity to really think about whether or not you want to try another IVF.  Big ::HUGS::

MandaS08

You aren't the only!  Taking a break is hard-it's hard to stop actively trying for something you want so badly.  At the same time constantly trying can be SO mentally and physically exhausting!

I hope you can get into the groove for a little while of not trying and your break refreshes you and helps to clarify things! 

Rawr08

You are not crazy.  I have had many breaks during out TTC time, none of them are easy.  The break we are on now is the hardest, I don't know when or if we will TTC again.  At first it is hard, but you get used to it.  It is really nice not peeing on stuff, not taking your temp, not getting made because you didn't BD enough.  It really does take a lot of stress out of your life.  I am sorry you are taking a break, but I hope it will be good for you.  Sending you lots of love.

Carolee

Rawr08:

You are not crazy.  I have had many breaks during out TTC time, none of them are easy.  The break we are on now is the hardest, I don't know when or if we will TTC again.  At first it is hard, but you get used to it.  It is really nice not peeing on stuff, not taking your temp, not getting made because you didn't BD enough.  It really does take a lot of stress out of your life.  I am sorry you are taking a break, but I hope it will be good for you.  Sending you lots of love.

This is where we are too.  I am not sure I want to continue with treatments.  DH isn't ready to throw in the towel, but I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I think I might be.

Thank you to all of you.

LilMaggs

I had to step away from everything TTCAL as well.

 Second, I drowned myself in every not TTCAL related thing I can find.  I have my horses.  I started taking a ballet class.  I'm taking my first aerial silks class Monday.  Hell, I'm debating taking a pole class.