How do you handle visitation on holidays or birthdays

DHYGchica3

I'm just curious. I think DS deserves to have both families for the holidays but sometimes his family events clash with mine. I don't know if it's just fair to ask either side to move times or just split the day evenly and let whatever be- just be.

tsmomma42

XH and I decided we would prefer DS not to be rushed about on holidays - especially since our families don't live nearby. We alternate holidays in 2/3 day increments. For example, he's going to be with his father from noon the day before Thanksgiving to noon the day after. Same with Christmas (except he will be with me), Easter, and other major holidays. We alternate who has what holiday by the year.

If I'm doing something in town I invite XH to join DS, DH, and I. He hasn't taken me up on that yet but I suspect it's just a matter of time. We prefer that over hitting several different places all in 1 day. We definitely ask family to accommodate our schedules but they don't have to. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. But if they don't then it means a lot of the time they will then miss out on seeing DS. It's a give and take but works for us.

I don't think this schedule is for everyone. We definitely work at it and celebrate holidays on weird dates so he gets at least some celebration with both families. 

PrettyInPearls23

We alternate holidays, and only Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years Eve and New Years Day are taken into consideration.

The only one of those days that isn't an overnight visit is Thanksgiving. That's 10am-7pm.

This past year,  I had DS on Christmas Eve, which is an overnight, so XH picked him up at 10am on Christmas Day. He returned DS to me at 10AM the day after Christmas. This way, each parent gets some time with DS on Christmas, even if it was only a few hours for me, and DS isn't rushed all over and going back and forth in one day. Same for NYE and NYD. DS's birthday falls on NYE, so that's another reason we have it as an overnight visit.

DS is with me on Mother's Day and XH on Father's Day, of course. Those are not overnight visits.

Our families are aware of our holiday schedule and we plan family events accordingly -- at least on my side. No idea what XH does with his family. And honestly, nor do I really care.

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DHYGchica3

So it's going to be a long time before he gets over nights, but Christmas eve is our biggest problem. It's my mom's birthday, and STBXH's moms side get together for a big dinner, then the next day (christmas day) his dad's side get together for lunch. So if I don't split the days he won't get to see both sides on x's side. (Not a problem for my side since my mom's family rarely ever does anything with us for the holidays). But we do everything on christmas eve, since we like to have the day to relax. It's a pita, and I know I can't make everyone happy, and I do feel bad rushing him around.

kirbear

My xh and I split the holidays. But, we live very close to each other, our families are local and xh only takes her for a 2 hr visit. My family is great about working around the schedule, his not so much- she just sees him and his parents. Xh also works on a lot of the holidays so it's not an issue then. We do this for Xmas eve, Xmas, Easter, and thanksgiving. It's supposed to be on many others plus her bday but he doesn't ask to see her. As for her birthday, we each do our own party for family. I do her friends party and sometimes he comes and sometimes he doesn't. I get her for mothers day and my bday. Xh is supposed to get his bday and fathers day but often doesn't take her.