Need help...

JJbird86

I am trying to find information on my specific rights as a single mother.  I'm 30 weeks preggo, and I was never married to the father.  We had only been dating for a month when I got pregnant.  He is very much involved, and very excited about her being born, however he is constantly pushing for our relationship to move to the next level.  He is not respecting what I am saying each time I tell him I am not comfortable with talking about marriage/engagement, etc.  I am currently living with my parents (who are very supportive) so that I can use their help with childcare when I return to work, and he has his mind set that he will be moving in here.  When I told him that this was not the case, that (as we had discussed previously) he would certainly be spending a lot of time here, but that he would keep his room/etc. at his parents house where he lives now, he FREAKED. 

He is asking me to give him a play by play of exactly what is going to happen, which I feel like I obviously can't do because I don't know what is going to happen...but I was hoping to find some advice on what I should/shouldn't say, and what my rights are as a single mom.  I have gone on the CA.gov website and found the child support information, but I haven't been able to find much on anything else.

Any websites you guys can recommend? or words of wisdom?  I'm terrified that if I say the wrong thing, or word something incorrectly he will try to use it against me in the future.

PrettyInPearls23

How old are you? That might change my advice.

 

The first thing you need to do is set clear boundaries. You're obviously ok with him being an active part of your DD's life, but you also sound like you don't want him breathing down your neck 24/7. The fact he freaked on you when you could've give him definite answers tells me that he has control issues.

JJbird86

I'm 25...he's 20.

DHYGchica3

He's still a kid, my STBXH and I married at 22 and 23 yrs old... biggest mistake of my life EVER. At 25 he is still a man child, and I don't see that changing anytime soon.

If you are that worried I would get a free consultation with an attorney, and just have the option there if you ever needed to pursue legal action. You will want CS and visitation set up if things go south in your relationship.

FyreFlyeRush

JJbird86:

I'm 25...he's 20.

He's still a baby himself. I had DD at 19, and I KNOW that was too young. File for child support to get the ball rolling. If you're at all concerned, don't put him on the birth certificate, and don't sign an Acknowledgment of Paternity. This gives him the exact same rights as you. With no custody agreement, that means he could wlk out of the house and take the baby with him legally.  I only suggest filling this out when the parents are cohabitating in a stable relationship.  It sounds like you're neither.  

 It also sounds like you're afraid of the relationship going south, or maybe even debating ending it. You don't have to tell him anything you don't want to. He doesn't have to be there when she's born. He doesnt have a say in the name. Set all this up via the court system. Keep all communications cordial and business like. No profanity, insults, etc. (I'm guilt of losing my temper, but I still keep it clean.)

JJbird86

Thanks for the words of wisdom...sometimes I feel so helpless about this.  He's not a bad guy, and I want him to be involved with her and be a part of her life, and he wants the same thing...But I want to be the one driving the boat, so to speak.  I also don't want to deny him his rights.