Involved DH's ?

bumpuser511563

I hear all you wonderful moms doing your utmost to help your children, but can you please tell me how your DH/SO/BF's are involved with your children's SN?

TIA

malcivar

DH is VERY involved.  He's a do-er - give him something to do or he'll go nuts.  I think it's what has helped him handle the dx.  Where I will fret and obsess (and cry); he has to do, do, do, do.  This has actually led to some arguments between us but overall I'm super grateful that he's as involved as he is.  He checks the charts in DS's progress book, he 'drills' DS daily, but most of all, he treats DS like there's no dx which is SUPER because I know I sometimes will let him get away with murder.  

malcivar

-auntie-:

 He stuck with a job he hated, with a boss who was a bully, to make sure DS could stay in our school district and have access to the team of professionals we have in place. This cost him, in terms of his career development.

You know I think sometimes it's easy to overlook something like this but when you posted this, you just made me realize that DH is doing the same thing.  He actually likes his job but his boss is also a bully.  You can see the toll it takes on him daily but he does it for us and that must make all the difference to him. 

ToastieSimons

DH goes to most major doctor's appointments with us.  I've taken him to the physiatrist by myself once or twice, but when we had Botox administered he came. Usually 2-3x a year he'll go into work late or take off early so that he can come to therapy to really learn what we're doing.  He makes a lot of the insurance phone calls and appointment settings.  

He's a great dad.  He comes home and plays with DS while I get some stuff done around the house and finish up dinner.  He is sticking with a job he doesn't absolutely love because of our phenomonal insurance.  He doesn't make that much money but with how much our insurance has covered it's at least doubled his salary in savings.  

He's willing to compromise and sacrifice for our DS's future.  We're in the process of selling our home and he's working his butt of to get the house ready (as I am too). When we buy our next home he's willing to give up a lot of the things that we bought this house for (5 acres, 2 barns) so that we can afford a home that's compatible with DS's needs. 

Justinlove

DH is very involved.  He goes to any appointment I ask him to (most of the routine ones I do on my own since I can get to 3:00 and later appointments without taking off of work--but he always asks if I want him to go).  He does therapy at home with her, constantly plays/interacts with her, takes turns staying home with her when she is sick.  He does morning appointments (like tomorrow when she has a pulmo appointment on a very important Kindergarten holiday).  He is a great dad and does other things around the house to help lessen the load.  Honestly, I couldn't ask for more from him and am so thankful for him!!

Spockles

DH isn't a very involved dad, unfortunately. After reading the responses, I'm clearly in the minority here. :-(  Before we had DS, I really thought that DH would be a good dad; I have been disappointed with the way things really are. I feel like I'm basically a single parent. I'm not sure if he's in denial about DS having autism or if DH is on the spectrum himself, but I'm trying to get him more involved.

realisticdreams

Our relationship has been rocky, I feel like we are on the mend.  I do feel like a single mom a lot, H refuses to even watch both girls by himself.  He says he "can't" do it.  He just started a new job though, that he really isn't going to like but he's doing it for better health benefits and much better pay.  He doesn't have any PTO and since it's a new job he has no leverage to 'ask off' for anything important.  A lot of times I feel like he ignores what I say about the girls because that is part of his way of dealing with everything, by letting it get to him as little as possible.

His new job has him gone 14-15 hours a day 6 days a week and when he's home he's usually sleeping to get up at midnight.  Hopefully we can both continue to work through our issues, and having sick children isn't easy. 

ToastieSimons

Spockles:

DH isn't a very involved dad, unfortunately. After reading the responses, I'm clearly in the minority here. :-(  Before we had DS, I really thought that DH would be a good dad; I have been disappointed with the way things really are. I feel like I'm basically a single parent. I'm not sure if he's in denial about DS having autism or if DH is on the spectrum himself, but I'm trying to get him more involved.

I think this question should have been a little more broad.  Yes my DH is a VERY involved father and husband, however he has struggled with depression since DS was born.  I think he's been depressed for a long time and self-medicated with alcohol.  He finally sought treatment for that and was doing okay just getting through everything and then DS came along.  1 year ago he finally started on antidepressants.  Before that our lives were very different. DS screamed 18-20 hours/day.  I didn't like letting people babysit him because if you don't or have never had colicky screaming babies it makes me nervous.  He didn't want to let others babysit because he was our "burden to bear".  He loved DS, I know he did but he was too far in the depths of despair  of depression to see a way out.  It took A LOT and some VERY dark times for him to finally realize how bad things were and to seek help.  

You're not the only one with difficult times.  But hopefully stories like mine give you hope that better times can be ahead. 

beyoga

DH is VERY involved.  He helps with ds's therapy exercises, feeds him, and just generally plays and spends time with him.  He also goes to all his doctors appointments.

DonsJMUBride

I think its important to look at your family dynamic.  For us my husband is a personal trainer and runs the fitness program for a resort.  If he is not physically in the gym with clients then he isnt making money.  I am fortunate enough to be in marketing and work most days from home.  Therefore I am working mostly with C, taking him to appointments and doing most of the parenting but it works for us.  I also do most of the research and look into SN activities for him to participate in but DH is always very supportive and works hard to cover the costs.  He also gives me a break by cooking most of the meals and doing most of the grocery shopping.  When DH is home he does help with C but when it comes to the day to day needs I do most of the leg work.  

pandabear12178

DH is very involved. In fact, he is definitely the stronger one. And I dont know how I would make it through without his support. He makes a point to go to every appointment, he does more talking at the appointments then I do.

When we got the diagnosis, I felt dead. Literally. I know I couldnt had done it hadnt it been for him. Even know when it gets me down, he helps me see the positive and be thankful for what we do have and how much of a blessing she is