So.... whats next?

KtGirl88

Every time I call or email my attorney it has a hefty fee so I figured I would ask you guys instead of waiting to find out. I was served a couple weeks ago and we wrote up my response pretty much denying all of his requests and asking for sole decision making (when it comes to medical, daycare, schools... ect.) She also wrote in a section about my medical expenses and expenses since her birth (because he never paid for anything) so my question is whats next? She is pretty confident that we will end up in court because he is very stubborn in what he wants. he asked for 50/50 and a name change and won't even see her with supervised visits because he wants "daddy daughter time alone." So will we even attempt mediation or a parenting plan? I know he will never agree to what i want and I certainly will not agree to what he wants because of the dangers to my daughter so when he gets my response where does he go from there? He has no attorney to help him.

JCGreene85

My EX served me and I denied all his requests (including name change). He thought we wouldn't accomplish anything in mediation because we dont get alone and we went anyway. We were able to come to an agreement on everything except the name change. We worked up a "step up" plan that he doesn't follow.

In GA, you have to go to mediation before you see a judge. Why do you feel your daughter is in danger and why do you feel he can't handle unsupervised visits?

KtGirl88

JCGreene85:

My EX served me and I denied all his requests (including name change). He thought we wouldn't accomplish anything in mediation because we dont get alone and we went anyway. We were able to come to an agreement on everything except the name change. We worked up a "step up" plan that he doesn't follow.

In GA, you have to go to mediation before you see a judge. Why do you feel your daughter is in danger and why do you feel he can't handle unsupervised visits?

I had to kick him out of the house because of drug use. He had to move in to his families house that has many different dangers to her including a sibling with a history of killing and hurting animals, drugs are used in the home, the children who live there (3 and a 4 year old grandson) are never supervised and it is not sanitary at all. I know I won't always be able to avoid that home but I will as long as I can. Im requesting supervised visits because he is or was using drugs and he kept threatening to take her from me and the first supervised visit we had (supervised by my mother not a professional) he disappeared with the baby and i had to call the police. it was a huge, terrifying and embarrassing ordeal. so until this is all settled my attorney said the visits need to be supervised. he has changed into such an angry and uncaring person i wouldn't feel safe meeting him alone with the baby

FyreFlyeRush

In Texas, under three years of age is supervised visits. 50/50 custody isn't seen as in the best interests of the child, So unless the child is of a certain age and BOTH parents agree, it's rarely given. Married couples do mediation before court, and Unmarried to court without mediation. He is responsible for 50% of pre and post natal care. Have you looked up your state's attorney general page or called them?

KtGirl88

FyreFlyeRush:

In Texas, under three years of age is supervised visits. 50/50 custody isn't seen as in the best interests of the child, So unless the child is of a certain age and BOTH parents agree, it's rarely given. Married couples do mediation before court, and Unmarried to court without mediation. He is responsible for 50% of pre and post natal care. Have you looked up your state's attorney general page or called them?

Wow! Wish I was in texas lol FL seems horrible for this stuff. I haven't looked at the ag page but I will! 

DHYGchica3

Hi, I was just thinking about you! How is your little pumpkin doing? I'm sure he won't get the 50/50 and if he's not having an attorney representing him, he's pretty stupid.

I've started letting STBXH have visits at his grandmother's house with his parents and grandmother there without me. That way they have their alone time, I know he wouldn't hurt DS in front of his own family who are in total denial of the whole situation. His grandmother's house is clean too (not the case of his parents who also have a dog that bites). 

What it came down to is the court isn't going to outright deny STBXH all visitation. He might even get  overnights. I just have to be prepared to deal with it since it will be out of my control.

KtGirl88

DHYGchica3:

Hi, I was just thinking about you! How is your little pumpkin doing? I'm sure he won't get the 50/50 and if he's not having an attorney representing him, he's pretty stupid.

I've started letting STBXH have visits at his grandmother's house with his parents and grandmother there without me. That way they have their alone time, I know he wouldn't hurt DS in front of his own family who are in total denial of the whole situation. His grandmother's house is clean too (not the case of his parents who also have a dog that bites). 

What it came down to is the court isn't going to outright deny STBXH all visitation. He might even get  overnights. I just have to be prepared to deal with it since it will be out of my control.

Im glad to hear things are going OK. Its definitely not easy! Marina is doing really good! We just got through our first ear infection (well two of them!) because she had RSV. S has refused to see her since mid Jan. because it needs to be supervised. I don't think he realizes how long the court process might take. If he is waiting until he is awarded time with her she might not remember him. Its very sad but these are all his choices. I know he will have unsupervised time with her eventually and that is fine. She needs to know her dad. Im praying for no overnights (at least until she is at an age where she can talk) but we will have to see. Ugh, way too stressful. We just want our babies safe ) hopefully we will be able to do that! Apparently, the judge we got to handle our case if need be is not a good one! A dad, and very trusting. He has been known to give horrible dads lots of time just to "whip them into shape" and "make them step up as fathers" so thats not good but he is also VERY hard on drug issues so hopefully I will be able to prove his drug use. I knew I should have called the cops the night I caught him....

Hope everything is good with you and L!!! 

DHYGchica3

Maybe him refusing to see her will look good for you and bad on him. It's not like you aren't allowing him to as long as it's supervised. I hope it all works out for the best.

 

turtle1120

KtGirl88:

DHYGchica3:

Hi, I was just thinking about you! How is your little pumpkin doing? I'm sure he won't get the 50/50 and if he's not having an attorney representing him, he's pretty stupid.

I've started letting STBXH have visits at his grandmother's house with his parents and grandmother there without me. That way they have their alone time, I know he wouldn't hurt DS in front of his own family who are in total denial of the whole situation. His grandmother's house is clean too (not the case of his parents who also have a dog that bites). 

What it came down to is the court isn't going to outright deny STBXH all visitation. He might even get  overnights. I just have to be prepared to deal with it since it will be out of my control.

Im glad to hear things are going OK. Its definitely not easy! Marina is doing really good! We just got through our first ear infection (well two of them!) because she had RSV. S has refused to see her since mid Jan. because it needs to be supervised. I don't think he realizes how long the court process might take. If he is waiting until he is awarded time with her she might not remember him. Its very sad but these are all his choices. I know he will have unsupervised time with her eventually and that is fine. She needs to know her dad. Im praying for no overnights (at least until she is at an age where she can talk) but we will have to see. Ugh, way too stressful. We just want our babies safe ) hopefully we will be able to do that! Apparently, the judge we got to handle our case if need be is not a good one! A dad, and very trusting. He has been known to give horrible dads lots of time just to "whip them into shape" and "make them step up as fathers" so thats not good but he is also VERY hard on drug issues so hopefully I will be able to prove his drug use. I knew I should have called the cops the night I caught him....

Hope everything is good with you and L!!! 

My DD's dad went about 6 months without seeing her.  When visitation was finally ordered, it was supervised because she didn't know him at all and they weren't going to let a complete stranger take her.  He had supervised visits in my home for about 4 months (you should probably go for visits supervised in a center because of the incident when he tried to take her).  I really think you have a very good chance of that happening.  Ex now has DD for 4 hours every Sunday unsupervised and this has been going on for about 4 months.  I'm trying to put off overnights until she's at least 2.  Fingers crossed!!!

We are also not going to agree on custody/visitation.  I currently have sole custody and want to keep it that way.  He wants joint custody.  My attorney has told me that it's highly unlikely that he will get joint custody (he has a very colorful past and was in jail when DD was born).  However, we are going to mandatory mediation next week.  I would be SHOCKED if we come to an agreement, and I'm assuming this will end up in a trial before the judge.

A lot depends on your state, and even the judge you end up with.  Good luck!