Adoption
Dr.Loretta
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Oh Mom...
Dr.Loretta
member
in Adoption
She's getting a painting of her 3x-great grandmother this week. She said to me (because we discuss this stuff way too much), "I guess as the oldest, you'll inherit this when I die. But I don't know who it will go to after that."
When I suggested DD, she said, "But she's not really a [insert family name here]."
Um, she is now.
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Re: Oh Mom...
Sweet mary and joseph, I'm not sure how I would have responded. But it would not have been pretty.
What did you say?
Um, she is now.
I understand why you are upset and I would be, too. DH and I have had to cut short stupid conversations with his family regarding our kids. (DH's mom hoping his brother would have another child and it would be a boy to carry on the family name. DH reminded her of our two boys and cut her off before she said "But they aren't real _____s" the ironic thing is the family name is a very common one so there is zero chance the name will die out without his brother's son or ours)
At the same time, my three adopted teenagers have shown zero interest in "family" things, especially ones that pertain to ancestors they never met. They are interested in things from our parents and the few aunts/uncles, great aunts/uncles they have met. I haven't pushed the issue because the teenage years are a hotbed of chaos when it comes to identity anyway. Out kids have asked questions about B-families that they never asked before so I know they are thinking about it.
FWIW, I know adopted adults who are more interested in family history of their adoptive family than bio children in the same family so I guess it is all a state of mind. Just pray your mother can keep her mouth shut around your adopted children long enough for them to be able to figure is out.
PAL/PGAL Welcome
Whaaaaaat?!
Oh, wow....
I think I've mentioned this here...
When I was a teenager, we went to a big family reunion. I have one sister who happens to be adopted. My grandmother went up the family tree that was printed out and hanging on the wall, and she took a red pen and squiggled out the line that linked to my sister... and she then wrote "Adopted" next to Lisa's name!!
Some people will never get it.
Ouch....
I just can't figure out why people are so attached to DNA.
I completlely understand-
Four of my younger siblings were adopted (and I have three bio siblings too), and we had the same issue when my great-grandmother was close to passing. She made a comment that she wanted the jewlery and antiques to stay "in the blood"- my siblings and I never talked to her again after that.
I get really frustrated when people try to segregate my family by blood (or race, for that matter). I think older generations don't always see it the same way, but that doesn't make it acceptable. I made the choice at 16 years old to cut ties with many of my family members who felt this way- it can be frustrating, but your kids are the most important thing ever, and deserve to be treated like everyone else in the family!