Ferber - about to cave... does it get easier?

folkfemme

Night 3 & D E V A S T A T E D.

I'm alone, DH is away at work, and Sam's been crying for an hour. A WHOLE FREAKING HOUR!! I don't know what to do. I'm sitting here, sobbing along with him. Do I cave and scoop him up and snuggle him to sleep?

Does it get any easier? The first two nights were only 45 minutes.

.... I feel like an awful mother. 

chuicafina

I know it's so so so hard, but try to keep it up. It took a while for DS to go down without any crying, but after about a week it was down to a few minutes. Now I set him down and usually don't hear a peep the rest of the night (except for extenuating circumstances like teething).

Can you set a timer and listen to some music with headphones on or something? I know it still hurts your heart b/c you know he's crying, but it might help take the edge off. ((hugs))

gymnst1013

It gets easier!!!  Promise.  But try and stay strong.  Otherwise all that crying will have been for nothing.  You are not an awful mother.  You're a wonderful mother for caring enough to help your baby get the sleep he needs.  (((hugs)))

pregarella

It will get easier, and when it does, you will know that it was all worth it.  My LO goes down without a peep after her evening bottle, where as before she had to nurse to sleep and get put in her crib asleep, or she would throw a fit.

Try to be strong and dont cave.....or the past three nights of crying will be for nothing.  I agree that going out to the garage or putting on headphones, anything out of earshot probably does help.  Although, I felt like if LO had to go through it, so did I, so I sat in the room next to her to hear her cry so I could feel the pain along with her.  I'm a sucker that way

NovNYC2006

Yes!! It will get better! M just woke up, DH and I watched him on the monitor, he stood up in his crib and was crying. We give him 10 minutes to try to work it out before we go to him during the middle of the night. Three minutes later, he put himself right back to sleep!! Hang in there momma! And try your hardest not to cave in or else the past hour will have been for nothing!!! We had one night that I went into his room every ten minutes for just over three hours... It was awful. But it was worth it (looking back today) for him to learn how to put himself to sleep without us either walking, rocking, or bringing him into our bed to sleep.

folkfemme

Thanks for the support. I went in there a few minutes ago to check on him and found him covered in puke and trying to catch his breath on his sobs. I can't bring myself to lay him back in his crib now that he's all cleaned up and nursed.

I don't know where to go from here? 

cassoppea

gymnst1013:

It gets easier!!!  Promise.  But try and stay strong.  Otherwise all that crying will have been for nothing.  You are not an awful mother.  You're a wonderful mother for caring enough to help your baby get the sleep he needs.  (((hugs)))

As a Ferber believer and survivor I second this! In a week or so you will be so happy your did it. Remember you are teaching your child good sleep habits, not hurting him!

Turtle143

Awww...I'm sorry. I posted below about the progress I'm seeing now. We're night 7 and she went down crying for 5 minutes but it was just a whiny cry. Nothing like the cries I heard on the first night and 4th night for some reason. Hang in there. When I almost gave up (posted about it here on night 4) someone did mention about the fact that if I'd quit then, I'd have made her cry for nothing and I didn't like that feeling so we pushed through and it is getting easier on her and us.

Like pp, I also listened to her cries and cried with her because I felt like she shouldn't have to go through it alone. I kissed her each time I had to go back in there and check her. It is always heartbreaking to hear them cry.

Hang in there. It will get better. You're not an awful mother. 

JSanFran

Yeah... We cried for 2 hours!  My problem is that he goes down super easily but when he wakes up in the night it's harder not to feed him.  We were doing great and sleeping up to 10 hours then last night he woke up after 7. Tried not to feed him... It's sooooo hard!!!!! 

jcsumm0

lovelovelovelovelove:

Thanks for the support. I went in there a few minutes ago to check on him and found him covered in puke and trying to catch his breath on his sobs. I can't bring myself to lay him back in his crib now that he's all cleaned up and nursed.

I don't know where to go from here? 

I really, really don't mean this as flaming or judging AT ALL, but maybe if it is making both of you so unhappy, you'd do better with a more gradual approach like No-Cry Sleep Solution or the Sleep Lady Shuffle?  The shuffle is sort of a middle ground where your baby does cry but you are in the room with him for the most part. 

Whether you decide to stick w/ferber or go a different route, you are a good mom and I know you are trying to make the best decisions for your baby.  ((hugs))

M&M227

It's normal for crying to get worse before it gets better, especially around your time frame.  I'm a special ed. teacher so tend to think of it from a behavioral perspective.  LO is probably thinking, what I'm doing is not working (ie crying) so I should try harder to get what I want (to be picked up).  Even though nothing is wrong.  

It will get better and you'll be so happy that you did this. 

emilys629

Oh dear, I never had to deal with puking, that must have been so hard.

Walk us through what you're doing before and after you lay him down at night. Maybe we can help?  

CarlaAndJames

I'm so sorry, that does sound so awful! How often were you doing the checks when he threw up? Does he calm down when you go in for the checks?

I can testify that it absolutely did get worse before it got better for us! Around night 3 or 4 I even told DH "This is making it worse instead of better. She's going to be afraid of her room and it's going to give her separation anxiety." We agreed to stick with it for a week or so and then explore other options if it didn't get better. But then the crying got drastically shorter, and then less dramatic, and then gone. I was so glad we stuck with it.

Just try to be as consistent as you can. Of course in situations like last night, you can get them up, clean them up, and comfort then, but then try to make sure you put him back in his bed awake. The crying isn't for nothing if he still ends up putting himself to sleep. If you end up nursing or rocking them to sleep, it's not breaking the sleep association and the whole night of crying was for nothing.

Just wanted to offer some encouragement! You can do it, and for us, an hour or so of crying at night for a few days equaled hourS less crying during the day because we no longer had an overtired baby!

kimbo1216

Any update on what happened after you went in and he had spit up?

We used our own Ferber type method and it really was worth it.  For us the first night was the hardest.  A lot of people say the 3rd or 4th night often comes with regression.  It sounds like that is what's happening here.

Keep with it mama.  Remember, learning to sleep is a gift.  GL!

lbursey

The 3rd night was the worst for us as well.  All I can say is that it does get easier and it will be worth it.

That being said, if it was my DS that had puked, I'm not sure that I would've been able to continue with Ferber.  That must've been so hard!!!!!  ***Hugs***

Turtle143

lbursey:

The 3rd night was the worst for us as well.  All I can say is that it does get easier and it will be worth it.

That being said, if it was my DS that had puked, I'm not sure that I would've been able to continue with Ferber.  That must've been so hard!!!!!  ***Hugs***

This exactly.

I'm sorry I missed the part last night where you said your LO puked. You're a strong woman for sticking through with it. ((hugs))

folkfemme

Sorry for such a late response! 
I just wanted to update you all... we didn't continue with Ferber method. I couldn't do that to him, when I see how worked up he gets. We've decided to take a different approach.