Lack of support system

jesbeth

I'm a FTM and finding no one is very excited for us or excited about the baby. Not family and not friends. It's especially hard having none of our six parents giving a sh!t despite it being the first grandchild for all of them - we even moved back to our hometown to be closer to them before getting married and starting our family. I have a much younger brother who I expect not to care but DH and I are really disappointed in my SIL. She was great during the wedding, but suddenly is MIA (yet has all the time in the world for her pregnant friends and her friends' children).

Some of you have already seen the BS comments my mother and MIL have made to me during this pregnancy and no one ever just calls to ask how I'm feeling. I'm currently on strict bed rest and DH is struggling to keep up with everything (and starting to struggle emotionally, he gets worked up thinking about the baby coming early and being in the NICU). 

We haven't had a single offer of help and our requests have fallen on deaf ears. I feel like people just love to pay lip service and then now that we really need them, they just ignore us.

If it wasn't for TB, I'd be a total headcase all day.

stephlas8

We're here for you Jesbeth! I wish I could come help you. It stinks to not have support- my MIL is "supportive," if you count buying the breast pump for me for Christmas so that she can baby sit while we go out because she doesn't trust us to raise our own child supportive, then sure.

But it's terrible not to have anyone's. I'm so sorry. FWIW, I am certainly excited for your sweet baby to be born!

LMA06

I'm so sorry, it stinks that they are not helping more. I would try once more to ask for help with the things you are really struggling with and let them know you need them.

If they still refuse at least you know where you stand but maybe they will surprise you and come through when you make a direct request.

huahualove

I am sorry. I feel that way sometimes since we live in a different state than all of our family but at least when I talk to my mom she seems excited. I don't know if people think you may get tired of being asked how you are or if you need help. I hope that everything turns out okay with your baby and he stays in as long as it can. I'm hoping that once your baby is born that both your families and friends turn around and are more involved. That is what I'm hoping will happen with my inlaws at least.

wntrgrl83

I just wanted to let you know I am really sorry you are going through the stuff that you are.. I can't imagine all of the stress you have on top of not feeling the support from the people you love the most. I pray that your baby stays in as long as he can, and I pray for you and your DH... I can't imagine feeling this way...

I may not post as much as some of the other ladies, but I do keep up with everyones posts on here as much as I can. I must say that everyone seems so very supportive on here, and we care about everything you are going through. I hope everything turns around for you once your baby is here.

danandbethg

I feel your pain...at least from ny own family. DH's parents have been great (and he is an only child). My parents couldn't give 2 hoots...or either of my brothers. I offered to pay for my mom's plane ticket to come out for my shower, and she still didn't want to come (I'm in Las Vegas, my family in WI)...and my little brother couldn't care less. Well, if they can't be bothered with me, I can't be bothered with them. I don't let it stress me out...and I hope you are able to do the same.

verrasta

Aww Jess i'm so sorry.  That's not fair at all.  I hope they are there once the baby is born but then again that would tick me off that they weren't there when you really needed them before the baby is born and now that he/she is here they will be all over him/her.  I wish i lived closer (even in the same country!) and i would be there to help support you as i could!!  It's not like you live far away and they just dont' want to make the trip to see you for a day or so....so i don't get it.  I'm just so sorry!

DragonflyBelle

I am really sorry that you guys are dealing with all of this on your own. You've probably read my drama with my ILs and it's super aggravating because they live a block from us, versus my family that is 45 minutes away on the other side of the parish (county). I am really hoping that your families will come around once the baby comes, I know it's probably a little too late in your eyes, but any help and support is better than nothing IMO. The silver lining is that you and your H are building such a strong foundation for your little one and your little family unit.

 

jenwet

Agree with pp's: I'm so sorry you're dealing with this right now and just really hope your lo stays put as long as possible. I can't imagine how upsetting this must be, particularly since you're on bed rest and needing some help. sending you hugs:)

jesbeth

Thank you ladies for all of your support, prayers and suggestions. It really feels like a family on this BMB and I think about you guys often and care about all of you, and of course, I am excited for you guys as well.

I am sorry to those of you going through the same thing. I really appreciate what Dragonfly said "The silver lining is that you and your H are building such a strong foundation for your little one and your little family unit." I agree wholeheartedly, and that's our main focus. Sadly, I really don't think things will get better once LO is born, but that remains to be seen.

I've always made sure to look at myself (thank you therapy) and find myself to be a very giving person. I live by "treat others how you want to be treated" and even DH has commented on how instead of the "golden rule" working the way it's supposed to, people seem to take advantage of me. It's left me feeling really confused and unsure of who I can rely on.