Need advice re: pooping in the potty

NicoNiko

We didn't start potty training DD until she was 2.5.  Pee has gone fine, but poop has not.  It's been about 3 weeks so far and she pooped during her nap once, overnight once, and on the potty a couple times with lots of screaming and crying.  She just pooped Tuesday after holding it for a week.  I called the dr. on day 5, and they said it was a common problem and once it got to be over a week, I should call back and they would likely recommend that I do a glycerin suppository at home (um, no thanks--that would be all DH!).  But, she went.

So, we have been upping her fiber in a major way to try to make it impossible for her to hold it.  She feels she has to go because she says her butt hurts or "I have to poop on the potty" but when we get to the potty, she says she doesn't have to go or she pushes a little and then says she can't do it.

I have done a lot of reading and it seems like toddlers can hold it for a long time.  I have seen in more than one place the suggestion to buy a toy she wants and put it in sight but out of reach and tell her she can have it if she poops in the potty.  Right now, we are telling her she can have chocolate ice cream if she goes in the potty.  She had a taste the other day and loved it (she only has had ice cream 5-6 times in her life). 

Any other suggestions? What worked for you?  I feel so bad for her.

AgrippaRidesAgain

Take this for what it's worth, but maybe pull back on the pooping on the potty aspect and let her do it when she's ready.

DS is almost 4 and is only recently starting to talk about pooping on the potty.  We tried taking pull ups completely away from him and he became a major witholder.  He didn't poop for 5 days, we gave him a glycerin suppository, and he STILL held it in.  He finally pooped on the 6th day when we gave in and handed him a pull up.  Once we quit bugging him about it and just let him use a pull up, it took a few months, but he finally started coming around to pooping on the toilet.  Today he announced that he's never going to poop in a diaper again.  He has said that before and had regressions, but the fact that he's thinking about it more and more is encouraging.  It's way less stressful for all of us. 

amh_navyblue

I think you got some good advice from the pp, but I would also suggest identifying the times of the day when she usually poops and encouraging her to sit on the potty for a longer period of time.  Don't make it about pooping, but make it more attractive to stay in the bathroom long enough to relax and poop.  With DD#2, bringing in her favorite toy (of the moment) or the ipad and just letting her be there for awhile was helpful.  Yes, toddlers are pretty amazing in their ability to hold it...and I think the more you make it about "going poopy," then it becomes a power struggle.  If you just make it about sitting on the potty and giving her time, things might go a little better because you are letting it be more on her terms.

NicoNiko

Thanks to both of you.  I will try toys in the bathroom to keep her there longer---books have worked somewhat.

She actually sleeps for naps and at night in a pull up.  I wouldn't even mind if she went in there, but it bothers me that she holds it.  I think in the last 3 weeks, she has peed once or twice overnight, otherwise the pullup is dry, except for the one time pooping.

I think I am getting frustrated with the constant trips to the potty since she says she has to go and her butt or her stomach hurts, but then won't sit for more than 30 seconds.  But I try very hard not to let my frustration show...or let DH take her, since he seems to be more patient about these things. 

vtkgirl77

I think this is very very common. I know a number of kids with pooping on the potty issues. One friend has a daughter who only poops at nap time or night time in her diaper. Another friend has a three year old that will put on a pull-up by herself, poop in it, and then take it off (but she needs help with the clean-up).

We have our own pooping issues because DD#1 has suffered from constipation since she was very young. We've been giving her Miralax everyday for over a year and a half to help make her stool softer. We had a period where DD would only poop at the DCP's house and she would hold it all weekend at our house. I told the DCP about this and she basically gave me the advice that I wasn't giving DD enough time on the potty. Like if she didn't poop in 2-3 minutes, I would take her off. DCP said to leave here there for 10-15 min. So, I don't know if this is an option with your child but I would try to find a way to get her to sit on the potty for a longer period of time if you think that could be the issue. We have a toilet which you can see a TV from so we would sometimes put on DD's favorite show, I would also feed her animal crackers for as long as she sat on the potty, etc. Basically, I did anything to make her stay on the potty.

The other thing I do is that pooping seemed to be scary for DD at first so I would kneel in front of the toilet (to keep her from jumping off) and I would hug her and rub her back. That seemed to comfort her and help her relax.

Lastly, holding the poop can be a catch-22 in that the longer you hold it, the harder it can get, and the more it hurts to push out which makes the kid not want to poop. If you think that the kid is in pain, I believe that Miralax is a wonder drug. In the research I've read, it has very few side-effects and it is also very effective. So, it may be something to run by you doctor as an option.

I hope things improve. Just know that you are not alone. 

tracy042206

We promised Maggie a tricycle.  We showed it to her at Target and said if she pooped in the potty 3 times in a row she could have it (we were planning on getting her one anyway).  It was like magic and she started going that night and then asked where her bike was - I really didn't think it would work and left work early the next day to go get the trike. 

So try a bigger reward but also I agree with pp to back off and let her know it is OK to go in the pull-up.  My kids are great at holding it in because they get very constipated and then it hurts, awful cycle to be in.  I know it can be so frustrating when you know they can do it and holding it is only going to make things worse.  Also what about a special toy to hold for comfort when she poops if she scared - we used a teddy to get Maggie to even start peeing on the potty.

LMH1209

You've gotten great advice.  I'll just add that the cycle of withholding and constipation can take a long time to work itself out.  After DS got into that cycle at around two, our pediatrician recommended daily Miralax, and she said to hold off on the pooping part of potty training until was having a pain-free bowel movement pretty much every day.  She said to expect the process to take six months to a year.  The child needs both to recover physically from the constipation and to stop associating pooping with pain.  Both parts take time.

See what your pedi says, but Miralax has really helped DS. Good luck! 

NicoNiko

Thanks again to everyone who posted such helpful suggestions.

 Re: Miralax--DD has had constipation issues since starting solids.  We did Miralax for a brief time around the time she turned 1, but then we were able to control it with a high fiber diet, including daily prunes for awhile.  But before she was potty-trained, I would know when she was pooping and she almost never had trouble with it.  Now, with her holding it in, I am so afraid of her having those problems again.

I just did call the pedi with my concerns and they okayed me for Miralax every other day.  Maybe this will help.

2vthokies

I second (or third?) pp who says to not push the poop potty training.  DD1 was pee-trained within two weeks after starting (right after her second birthday), but she would only sit on a little potty.  She refused to sit on the big potty even with a ring.  She refused to poop in any potty, period.  She would ask for a diaper and then go.  If we didn't give it to her, she would hold it.  We always gave in because, to me, it wasn't worth the constipation.  Because she refused the big potty, I decided that I would focus on getting her to pee on the big potty rather than force the issue with pooping in the potty.  Once we got rid of the little potty we started working on pooping in the potty.  A couple of months before her third birthday (yes, it took that long) I told her that after her party she was going to be a big girl and there would be no more diapers.  The day after her party she asked for a diaper to poop and I refused to let her have one.  Because she had basically been potty trained for a year, the thought of going in her pants was too much and she finally went (but it took an hour of her begging for a diaper and me saying no).  After that she never used a diaper again, though it did take her a while to get comfortable.  Now, 6 months later, she will not poop at school but will poop at anyone's house, restaurants, etc.  When they are ready, they are ready.

NicoNiko

Thanks.  I think I will print this thread out for DH.  He thinks she needs to go see the doctor, even though I called the doctor and they were very non-alarmist about it.  Potty training has been the biggest challenge for us so far!