*Update-Talked to my OB* (Long)

DeAndraM01

Okay, so yesterday I called my OB and he managed to see me earlier today.

After speaking to him about the ways I was feeling and how long I have been feeling this way, he says he wants me to see someone for the time being to get a better feel of the situation.

His words were, "I am a bit worried about your safety and that of the baby's with the information you have given me. I am not a psychiatrist, so I cannot diagnose you, but I think it best if you do see someone so that we can have a diagnosis if needed and try to work towards a better and more comfortable situation for yourself and the baby at this time."

He gave me the numbers of several psychiatrists in my area to go around and find someone I find comfortable with and then begin seeing them. After I choose I am supposed to let him know who they are and also let them know who my OB is so they can be in contact and help choose the best course of action for me.

I have to be honest this all scares me... I felt as my OB was talking it was just bouncing off and maybe the severity of the way I am feeling isn't really central in my mind. He says he worries about the baby's safety, and maybe he should be worried.... I should be more worried, but I am not. I feel horrible, it isn't the baby's fault, he hasn't done anything to me to make me feel the way that I do. All he did was be conceived, I should be happy...

My DH was there with me for everything today, and he has time after training tomorrow (thank god football season is over) to see the referred psychiatrists with me. I called them all today and they gave me times to stop by tomorrow so I can become acquainted and decide if I want to continue seeing them.

This all feels a bit overwhelming and a part of me doesn't know what to do, but I know that I need help. I am a bit apprehensive about seeing psychiatrists... it makes me nervous. I just hope I can find comfort in one of them so they can help me no longer feel this way about my son.

I don't want to hate him... It makes me hate myself that I hate him. I just want to be happy again.

Thanks for listening ladies.

swimiz500

Here's what I am thinking is the situation: Your OB does not have the training to deal with the mental health stuff, and probably more for legal reasons than anything else, he is referring you. That is good. My OB did the exact same, but she did it a heck of a lot nicer than yours. I seriously don't get why he would say that to you, that your baby is not safe. This is the way my OB put it to me: When a mom is under a great deal of stress, her body reacts in a certain way that isn't super healthy, and so it isn't great for the baby. It is better to work it out than to continue to be stressed the whole pregnancy. 

 My OB referred me to a Maternal Family Medicine doctor (also known as "high risk") who seriously helped me so much. I had a psychiatrist before pregnancy, but he was useless, also for legal reasons, which he was very upfront about. I think a psychiatrist may be a bit leery to give meds to a new patient who is 26 weeks along. And really, that is all my psychiatrist does. My counselor on the other hand is a godsend. Perhaps looking into that would help? I find myself more comfortable with a younger woman, but your preference may vary.

I read your previous post just now (hadn't seen it before), and you aren't a horrible mother. You're going through some depression. And you do love your baby. I have been in your shoes, and I promise you, it does get better.  And it is so good that your DH is supportive- that helps a ton.  I am so sorry you're going through this, but hang in there, and maybe see what other options there are. Try the psychiatrists, and if they don't pan out, try a MFM doctor. I'll be sending good thoughts your way. And please try not to be too hard on yourself. I know for a fact that you love your son, because if you didn't, you would not be trying so hard to get better  

DeAndraM01

swimiz500:

Here's what I am thinking is the situation: Your OB does not have the training to deal with the mental health stuff, and probably more for legal reasons than anything else, he is referring you. That is good. My OB did the exact same, but she did it a heck of a lot nicer than yours. I seriously don't get why he would say that to you, that your baby is not safe. This is the way my OB put it to me: When a mom is under a great deal of stress, her body reacts in a certain way that isn't super healthy, and so it isn't great for the baby. It is better to work it out than to continue to be stressed the whole pregnancy. 

 My OB referred me to a Maternal Family Medicine doctor (also known as "high risk") who seriously helped me so much. I had a psychiatrist before pregnancy, but he was useless, also for legal reasons, which he was very upfront about. I think a psychiatrist may be a bit leery to give meds to a new patient who is 26 weeks along. And really, that is all my psychiatrist does. My counselor on the other hand is a godsend. Perhaps looking into that would help? I find myself more comfortable with a younger woman, but your preference may vary.

I read your previous post just now (hadn't seen it before), and you aren't a horrible mother. You're going through some depression. And you do love your baby. I have been in your shoes, and I promise you, it does get better.  And it is so good that your DH is supportive- that helps a ton.  I am so sorry you're going through this, but hang in there, and maybe see what other options there are. Try the psychiatrists, and if they don't pan out, try a MFM doctor. I'll be sending good thoughts your way. And please try not to be too hard on yourself. I know for a fact that you love your son, because if you didn't, you would not be trying so hard to get better  

Thank you so very much. I interviewed the psychiatrists on the list today and chose one that I will be seeing every Tuesday & Thursday starting next week, I hope it works out.

I figured my OB didn't really know how to assess the situation completely which is why he referred me, he could have been nicer about it, I agree, but as long as I am getting where I need to be I am not too concerned.

If all else fails, my psychiatrist said she would help me find something right for me, I will mention a Maternal Family Medicine doctor to her.

Thank you for not thinking I am horrible, everyone here makes me feel a lot better.

I am struggling, but hopefully soon it will feel more like treading water instead of drowning.

Thank you!

jw87

It gets better.  After I had my first son, I went through a depression and it was the hardest part of my life.  At the time I didn't know it was the hardest part of my life and I didn't know if I should be scared either, etc.  Just know that one day down the road you feel like yourself again and things will be so much better.  It is insane what the hormones from having a baby can do to you.  It's not your fault!  Let me say this again, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!  You are an amazing mother for asking for help.  Honestly, that is and will be the hardest step in all of this.  Hugs to you! 

DeAndraM01

Thank you so much. I am waiting until my first appointment before updating everyone again, but you have all been so supportive and it is awesome to have support even if it is from strangers. Thank you!